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People Archive > Here's a Talia, there's a Talia and another little Talia, fuzzy Talia, funny Talia, Talia Talia DUCK

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message 1: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments *The title has nothing to do with my writing. Ok now here is my writing so please review because you want to make me happy. And I am nicer when I am happy. I do not hurt people. So....enjoy*


message 2: by RedPath (new)

RedPath | 853 comments Hahaha I love your topic's name! But, unfortunately, now it's in my head >.<

What's your story about?


message 3: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments I read it! It's quite nice. I feel like a few more details could be used and perhaps a little more vocab. I made a couple grammatical corrections in bold. It's good, Rea, I would read more.


"Name?" the security official asked. I smiled with fake enthusiasm.

"Lilyanne Duport," I lied as an expert would, because in a way I was. The man glanced at me then his eyes drifted over to the guest list. My toe was digging into the high-heel. I have wide feet. I can't help it and lemme tell you one thing, trying to smile at the same time does not work. A creepy half open mouth smile was probably what I was displaying on my face. It was not pretty.

"Ah yes welcome Ms.Duport. We hope you will enjoy the party." The way he said that suggested he did not enjoy standing looking over guest lists all day. He curtously opened the door for me.

"Thank you."

I stepped inside the large parlor. Businessmen discussing stock market rates, random guests, and snobby women talked amongst themselves waiting for the big opening of the new company. The perfect place for an opportunity.

I kept walking completely aware that my identity card said Lilyanne although that was a complete lie. Anyone who knew me could confirm. But anyone who knew me wouldn't recognize me anyway. I swooped up a glass of champagne and walked around with a purpose. As if. I scoffed at the idea of me being actually invited here. Strolling around the area with a glass of champagne.

I guess now would be a good time to explain that I am seventeen. No I am not forty.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a strange man. He looked sad.

"Good morning." I used a light French accent as part of my cover.

"Hello..?" It was more of a question, really.

"Beautiful day isn't it?"

"capitalize this yes it is...?" Everything he said seemed to end as a question. I guess he half spoke his thoughts. Who the heck are you??? I imagined him questioning me in his mind. I kept the small talk going for a while.

So I heard the stock market is gonna crash. I did too...? You should like...italicize this so the reader doesn’t have to guess at what’s happening before realizing it’s a conversation

Isn't it a marvelous business they are opening? It sure is...? See the above

It was very aggravating listening to his questions/responses. Were they answers? Or questions? Ugh. That was one too many questions.

"So I heard your business was doing unbelievably well!" I exclaimed after I figured out he owned Oil Bros and Co. After talking to him for nearly ten minutes. He wasn't making this very easy.

"Oh yes." He looked away for a second. I was surprised. That was the first question he answered without being confused. At least I think it was. Ack! He was passing his confusing-ness Lol, try using confusionon to me!

"Let's hope you use lawful waysinsert punctuation here" I meant that as a joke. He stammered something as he fingered his collar. That was when I realized it was not funny. I made a quick mental note. Suddenly I looked at my faux-crystal incrusted watch. Darnit. It was getting late and my mom was getting home in an hour. I had to remove this heavy make-up and disguise and act like a regular teenager before she came through the door.

What a life I had. I pretended to look sad and turned to the man.

"Oh I'm so sorry but you see I have this urgent meeting--"

"It's alright. Please go." He looked relieved. I couldn't wait to write a column on this. Owner of Oil Bros and Co uses unlawful techniques! I imagined it on the front page.

I bit my lip because my toe started to throb madly in these pointy deadly heels. I didn't know whether I could make it to the door. How many meters was that? A little too muchI think it should be many not much. With every step I cringed. Every time I put pressure on my feet a pain shot up my leg.

A few people looked my way. I just smiled at them as if I was fine. You know what I said about being a good liar....? They went back to their little conversations. My speed significantly increased as I neared the door. If only the car was parked right here... stupid heels. They deserve to die in a hole.

And then...perhaps it was the heels or the slightly slippery floor or maybe a combination of both but I felt my foot giving away to the ground and my glass went flying out of my hand. What was that? Soon enough I realized that was the cielingceiling. Now why was I staring at the cielingsame as the other? This made no sense.

The noise stopped. People rushed to my side to help me. Cries of "Oh my goodness!" "Is she alright?" and "What was she thinking wearing those heels?" Oh I love the compassion people give you. I propped myself up on one elbow and with the help of at least half a dozen people I stood up wobbling dangerously on my shoes.

I dusted my dress.

"I am alright." This was bad. Very bad. WHY ME??? I am not supposed to attract attention. This is the very last time I wear heels. I ran out the door without glancing back. If I had, perhaps I would have caught the baffled looks. If I had, perhaps I would have realized my dark brown wig was crooked and a few strands of my ginger hair stood out.

But by the time the guards put the pieces together, I was well out of reach.


message 4: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Um it's written on the thingy if you click on it. The name of the story is "The Masked Demon" but idk if I should change it to "Disguises. Lies. And the Terrible Truth."

Help?


message 5: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Oh and thank you Dr. Smiles! Awesome review. That was beast. I'm gonna fix everything now. ^-^


message 6: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments No problem :)


message 7: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Dr. Smiles wrote: "No problem :)"

Oh and I kind of like Disguises. Lies. And the Terrible Truth better because it's more playfulish yet still enticing and dangerous, just like the story itself.


message 8: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I fiiixed it!!! yay


message 9: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Wow you are being really helpful today Dr. Smiles ^.^

I changed the title as well


message 10: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Lol. It's just 'cause I'm in a good mood. Just kidding. I will actually be helpful when I have time to :)


message 11: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments cool ^-^


Tesssss cool story broo | 527 comments That's great, Talia!


message 13: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments You changed your name?


message 14: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Um. Talia was my name to begin with. It's a long stooory. I just called myself Rea at first.


message 15: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Wait so like are you the old Talia. Like...the one that was here a long time ago but when on vacation and stuffs?


message 16: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments yup! I'm the dissapearing Talia alright!


message 17: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments But I won't be on vacations anymore I think. School started.


message 18: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments YES I DO!!! :D


message 19: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments YAY! :D


message 20: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments :D :D :D


message 21: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments umm...yeah I'm currently writing the second chapter which will explain what the heck is going on.


message 22: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Ok so. Another update:

For NaNoWriMo I have chosen this one idea that I had for a while now and I think it has a lot of potential. Can't wait to write it!!! But....I need to wait till November -___- awww.... I'm sad now.


message 23: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Lol.


message 24: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I think I might actually start it before Nanowrimo and do another one for the actual competition......maybe not.


message 25: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
I am going to actually outline my NaNo this weekend. I willlll.


message 26: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I just started.....I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK!!!
Especially in math >.<


message 27: by Mandy (new)

Mandy  Harmon (mandyharmon) | 10724 comments Me too! I have to take a test and do a lesson today...but I'm procrastinating....


message 28: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
Homework … Eew.


message 29: by Mandy (new)

Mandy  Harmon (mandyharmon) | 10724 comments Homework should go die in a hole.


message 30: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Yesh. My math class is challenging (I skipped a grade in math) so we took a test yesterday that I didn't actually study for and got....a bad grade.


message 31: by Mandy (new)

Mandy  Harmon (mandyharmon) | 10724 comments Oh no! I'm sorry!


message 32: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
:( *pat pat*
If it makes you feel better … I'm god-awful at math. I think I pretty much failed every single test last year. O_O


message 33: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments It's ok ^-^

I haaaaaaate homework though sooo much. It should go die in a hole indeed. There was a research that proved that homework doesn't actually help students! *grumblegrumble* But they give it anyway


message 34: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
Really. It just stresses us out more. :(


message 35: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments yup


message 36: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I was verrry bored so I made a cover for the novel.....


And here is the finished product.....



Tell me what you think of it ^-^


message 37: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I actually drew the girl on a piece of paper then used picnik to do EXTREME photo editing.


message 38: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments OK well...I deleted all my stories off goodreads so they aren't available anymore (obviously...)


message 39: by Kyle (new)

Kyle T (kyletee) | 75 comments Talia wrote: "OK well...I deleted all my stories off goodreads so they aren't available anymore (obviously...)"

nooooo I just came on here to see if you had links to them :(

^^^I do like that cover though!


message 40: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments oh haha thnx...I'm going to start another story actually so check back later when I finally finish the first chapter ^-^


message 41: by Kyle (new)

Kyle T (kyletee) | 75 comments great!


message 42: by Kyle (new)

Kyle T (kyletee) | 75 comments O.o I know you liked my first two chapters of vapors (and left realllyy nice comments :D:D) so I wrote another chapter and I wanted to drop the link here :D

And thank you sooo much for the kind comments!


http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 43: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments YAY another chapter ^-^ ok I'll go read it


Shreya=Drastically Random. Find the emoticon. | 1078 comments Talia wrote: "*The title has nothing to do with my writing. Ok now here is my writing so please review because you want to make me happy. And I am nicer when I am happy. I do not hurt people. So....enjoy*"
I LOVE THE TITLE! I OBSESS OVER THE LLAMA SONG TOO!


message 45: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments omg No way!! another llama song enthusiast! I LURVE you !!!_


Shreya=Drastically Random. Find the emoticon. | 1078 comments I LURVE YOU TOOO!!!!!! okay that sounds creepy. WATEV. So have you seen the spoofs of mr. llama song...TURTLE SONG!? HARRY SONG?


Spazzy Maz Brit [the insane one] (cally215) Hehe, your writing sounds like something I would do lol


message 48: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments lol my writing is an utter fail. I'm working on something right nao I hope won't be a fail...but you never know.

HARRY SONG?! TURTLE SONG?! I MUST GO WATCH THEM


Spazzy Maz Brit [the insane one] (cally215) *SPAZZES* THERE'S A TURTLE SONG@!?!?!?@#rhpi @#rhfbLKE RGFLJAEH FIVs


Shreya=Drastically Random. Find the emoticon. | 1078 comments Haha it's a spoof of the Llama song. It's sung REALLLLY SLLLOOOWWWLLLYYYY.


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