Outlander Series discussion

138 views
miscellaneous > Hilarious Outlander Review(Spoiler if you haven't read Outlander)

Comments Showing 1-16 of 16 (16 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Renee (new)

Renee (nightbird) | 334 comments Probably a lot of you have read it already, but I came across this review of Outlander by Holly and HAD to share it with ya'll who haven't read it.

http://www.goodreads.com/m/user/37088...

"How To Commit Adultery Without Being a Cheap Slutty Whore: A Q&A by Diana Gabaldon

Q: I love my husband but I'm feeling kind of restless. But adultery is wrong. So what do I do?
A: Easy! Go back in time!
Q: What do you mean, Ms. Gabaldon?
A: If you go back in time, your husband hasn't been born yet. So you can have wild and crazy S&M sex with impunity.
Q: But won't I still be married to him?
A: Aren't you listening? He hasn't been BORN yet. So you aren't married! But if you are really being such a stickler, then just have someone force you to get married to someone else.

Q: But, but, no one can force me to get married against my will!
A: Okay, let me lay it out for you: You're really hot for this sexy warrior barbarian guy, right? I know this, because you stop thinking about your husband about 24 hours after you've been dropped in this guy's arms. So you get in this situation where some obscure tribal law insists you have to get married, make a little protest, sign some papers, and voila!

Q: But that doesn't mean I have to sleep with him.
A: Oh but you do, because some random dude insists that you have to. Don't worry, the sex will be great even though he's a 23 year old virgin. So you see, you HAVE to do it, so it's okay.
Q; But isn't it a sin?
A: Fine, find a priest at the end of the book to absolve you, whatever. And anyway, it's okay because your husband basically told you it was okay, right before you were whisked back in time. Seriously, go for it. When else will you get the chance? You've been married for years. You deserve a little hot and heavy barbarian action.

Q: So what's this hot barbarian guy like?
A: Well, watch out, because he loves to reminisce about how his dad used to beat him and how wonderful that was. And he really gets off on beating you, but it's just the once. Oh, and it seems that he wants you so badly he can't restrain from ramming you repeatedly with his male member while telling you how much he can't restrain himself and that gets seriously annoying after the twentieth time. But otherwise, it's all good.

Q: Anything else I should be aware of?
A: Surprise! Buttsex! But not for you, so it's okay.
Oddly, I'm going to read the next one in the series. Because I'm bizarrely fascinated. It's like a train wreck.

Edit 1:
Someone in the comments said I should copy this into the review, so here you go:
Plot Summary
Claire: I love my husband! I love sex!
Frank: But it's okay if you have sex with someone else, in certain circumstances.
Standing Stones: SUCK! Ha ha, you're in another time!
The Anti-Frank: Ooooh, I think I will rape you.
Claire: Eeek!
Clansmen: Scots to the rescue! Here, meet Jamie and his manly manhood.
Jamie: Och, aye, I'm a tough laddie. And I'm going to kill the Anti-Frank for beating the shit outta of me and raping my sister.
Claire: Ooooh, he's cute. Hey, wasn't I married?
Dougal: Ye have to marry the laddie to get away from the Anti-Frank.
Claire: Okay.
Dougal: And ye have to have sex wit' him.
Claire: Mmmmm.... but.... well, okay.

Jamie: I'm a virgin. Oooh, but I love sticking my manhood in ye. It's like a sacrament and all.
Claire: I should get back to Frank, I think I will take this opportunity to run away... I guess... sort of... meh.

The Anti-Frank: Ha ha! Found you. Now to rape you!
Jamie: Och, that's my wee lassie. First I'm going to rescue her, then I'm going to beat her for disobeying me. And then I'm going to tell her about how me Da beat me and how much I liked it.

Jealous wench: The village witch is looking for you.
Claire: Okay!
Villagers: She's a witch! Burn her!
Jamie: Over my dead body!
Claire: Honey, I have something to tell you. I'm not a witch but...
Jamie: Ye must go back!
Claire: I can't. I long for your manhood too much. It's a manhood like no other.
The Anti-Frank: I too long for your manhood. I think I will bugger you right after I crush your hand with a hammer. But, I love you. You remind me of my dead brother. Here's some grease.
Jamie: Ouch. Oooh, but that feels sort of good. Och, I'm so ashamed.

Claire: We must rescue Jamie! Send in the cows!
Jamie: OCH! Me hand! Just let me die!
Claire: Never! Let's go to France.
Jamie: Och, aye lassie, I feel much better now.
Father Anselm: God says it's okay that you're a bigamist.
Claire: Awesome. Time to use my foreknowledge of past events for good!
Diana Gabaldon: The sequel will be 900 pages.
Finis"

Hope the link works and it was okay to copy it here. THAT is hilarious. I wish she'd do Echo. I'd love to see what she does with the ending.

--
Sent on a phone using T9space.com


message 2: by Samantha (new)

Samantha | 141 comments That is HILARIOUS!!! Omg I wish she'd do the next books!!!


message 3: by SandyC (new)

SandyC (sandyc88) | 187 comments My co-workers are probably wondering why I am laughing so hard! Yes, I'd seen this before but it's funnier now that I'm deeper into the series. Just finished the Fiery Cross, would be funny to write a Q&A about Bree being a sharpshooter and Roger getting his a$$ kicked constantly. :-) (Poor Roger, I just love him so much!)


message 4: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 564 comments Renee wrote: "Probably a lot of you have read it already, but I came across this review of Outlander by Holly and HAD to share it with ya'll who haven't read it.

http://www.goodreads.com/m/user/37088......"


You've just made my day (well at the end of it anyway). Thanks Lass.


message 5: by Renee (new)

Renee (nightbird) | 334 comments I love 'the anti-Frank'. I love the Q&A.

Holly could put out 'Holly's Notes for the Outlander Series' and I'd read them in a sec.


message 6: by Brittany (new)

Brittany (bpickering) | 3 comments That's hilarious! It sounds like she really hates the book though and is so hung up on the "sin" of it all that she couldn't enjoy it.


message 7: by Christy (new)

Christy | 35 comments That was too funny! I LOVE Outlander, but yeah...that about sums it up. :)


message 8: by EvaS (last edited Sep 02, 2010 03:21PM) (new)

EvaS (evikes) | 345 comments LMAO! that was great! The Ladies of Lallybroch site has a similar section that sums up the books in that way : the 'Condensed Gabaldon'.. always makes me laugh!!!!!


message 9: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 564 comments "The Anti-Frank: I too long for your manhood. I think I will bugger you right after I crush your hand with a hammer. But, I love you. You remind me of my dead brother. Here's some grease."

HA! I knew it. "Alex" that BJR mentioned was his brother. (Although, in this interview he was dead -- but DG said that she always switches things up).


message 10: by Renee (new)

Renee (nightbird) | 334 comments Holly's done all the books except one. I asked her.

Here's Voyager. http://www.goodreads.com/review/show/...


message 11: by Renee (new)

Renee (nightbird) | 334 comments Brittany wrote: "That's hilarious! It sounds like she really hates the book though and is so hung up on the "sin" of it all that she couldn't enjoy it."

Doesn't sound like she's hung up on any 'sin'. She's just got a great sense of humor and face it, THAT is Outlander to a 't'. Wonderfully simplified with humor.


message 12: by EvaS (new)

EvaS (evikes) | 345 comments Not as funny as the one posted by Renee, but here is the link to the Reduced Gabaldon - up to FC:

http://www.lallybroch.com/LOL/booksia...


message 13: by Renee (last edited Sep 04, 2010 01:00AM) (new)

Renee (nightbird) | 334 comments Nah, Holly's is funnier by a mile. :)


message 14: by EvaS (new)

EvaS (evikes) | 345 comments Renee wrote: "Nah, Holly's is funnier by a mile. :)"

Absolutely!


message 15: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Hanna-Tarantino (ctara) | 309 comments That is Hilarious!


message 16: by Monica (new)

Monica C. | 20 comments The interview was hilarious.


back to top