Nate's writing

[Rita]

I had to read it twice. Not because I didn't get it, but because it was so intriguing. The mystery at the beginning is quite a hook.

Read this article about dialog on my blog. I hope it helps in your editing.

[Nate]

Wow really? Thanks for the compiment. And I'll be sure to check ur blog out.
Sometimes with dialog I'm afraid I overload with 'he said' 'she asked' blah blah blah when really I think that its prob evident which character is speaking. So I try not to tag every statement. I dont know if thats good or bad though......I use dialog ALOT.

[Rita]

If there are only two people in the scene, it's good to avoid the tags. I usually try to have four lines of dialog without little to no tags and then add something to paint the scene or to describe my main character's reactions to that dialog.

Dialog rich prose makes for vivid stories. Look at Jim Butcher's books (the Harry Dresden series). The scenes are all very active with lots of dialog.

[Nate]

Good to know. Thanks for the advice, I'll try to cut back on tagging every sentence.
There are two small excerpts (dream girl & Wolf) posted on my page from the same story. Feel free to read those as well if you'd like.:)

[Rita]

Sure will.

[Nate]

Rita wrote: "If there are only two people in the scene, it's good to avoid the tags. I usually try to have four lines of dialog without little to no tags and then add something to paint the scene or to describe..."

I took some of the tags out (not many, its hard to give them up lol)...but does it still flow? is it any better? (The orginal version is still on my goodreads page)

[Rita]

Nate wrote: "Rita wrote: "If there are only two people in the scene, it's good to avoid the tags. I usually try to have four lines of dialog without little to no tags and then add something to paint the scene o..."

Yeah, I like it. The only other thing I'd say is that you uses dramatic pauses a little too much (i.e. all the "....." in your dialog). IMO, it takes away the meaning. When you really want the pause for a strong affect, it doesn't stand out. Other than that, it sounds pretty good to me.

[Nate]

Good advice. Thanks alot :)

(I got a lot of editing to do UGH. LOL)