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Writers N-T! > The Scary Monster's Buddy's Writing (Which Sucks)

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message 1: by [deleted user] (last edited Aug 31, 2010 02:05PM) (new)

Right now, I'm thinking there aren't any rules, so I'm posting. Sorry Mod, if I do something wrong. :)

And plus, this is like my first try at actually writing and a couple of people have read it. Since it's my 1st, I'm hoping you guys could help in any way.

I’m not an average teenager, and because of how I died, I can never be one. It was a brutal ending to my life but I still lived. I lived. I lived. I had lived. And this is all how it had begun, me losing my mortality forever:
The creepy sightings had first appeared when I was dreaming. A little boy would stand in my dreams, his eyes were faced directly toward me, and his lips were chapped. He always tilted his head toward me, and then pulled a black hood over his head. His blonde hair would stick out from underneath, but he would stand there. Innocent, even cute. But then a man, far larger than the sky, would pick him up from his head, and squeeze. His head would be punctured and he stays limp in the man’s grip. Then the man grins showing a row of sharp teeth, and whispers, “You’re next.”
That was when I usually jerk awake, and my mom would sit on the edge of my bed, calming me. She was calming me when I didn’t need it because the dreams always came when it was dark at night. But my naps during the mornings weren’t affected by the dream. At points I wondered whether the man was demon of the night. A cruel evil killer of the dark, and sometimes in my dream he would stand next to my father, who had died long before I could remember. But my father wouldn’t be standing with his own will, but with the man holding onto the collar of his shirt.
But I ignored the dreams, believing that the dreams were useless, just a scare. Ordinary. I was wrong, way wrong. I had no idea where those dreams would make me end up, for the greater good or the worse.

message 2: by Rita (new)

Rita Webb (ritawebb) I especially like these lines: "I lived. I lived. I had lived." Good use of echo. As long as you don't over do it, it's good to use an echo like that every now and then (about once or twice a story). It makes the words poetic.

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