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message 1: by Sabrina (last edited Feb 23, 2011 10:45AM) (new)

Sabrina Waddle (breewaddle) I hope this is how to do this its the first time I've done this.... So here is my story I titled it Soul Mates and it not finished yet but I would like someones opinion on it... Don't be to brutal on me....lol


Dear diary,
it is the middle of the night and once again I'm awake. I've had another dream about that strange young man again. The same dream that I've been dreaming about for the past week ever since I got back to Paradise Point from my grandparents in Vermont. The guy in my dreams has to be the most beautiful guy I've ever seen but I'm sure that I've never seen him before other than in my dreams. He is tall with dark shoulder length hair, very well built and has the most amazing emerald green eyes. And for some reason I have this feeling that I'm supposed to know who he is.


"Emily Sanders it's time to go or you’re going to be late for your first day of school!" my mom shouted up to me from the bottom of the stairs.
"Coming Mom" I said as I made my way down. I grabbed the pop tart my mom had waiting for me as I went past her and out the door. I yelled thanks and love you over my shoulder as I headed down the steps. My best friend Lucas Davenport was waiting at the end of the driveway for me as I came out of the house. Lucas and I have been friends ever since the first grade when I just happen to save his butt from Kasey Martin. She just so happens to be the head cheerleader and the most popular girl at Paradise Point High now. But ever since then Lucas and I have been pretty much joined at the hip.

"Lucas have you ever had a dream about someone and had the feeling that you are supposed to know that person from somewhere even though you have never seen that person before?" I asked.
"Sure I dream about Robert Pattinson every night" Lucas told me.
I started to laugh while telling him that was not what I meant. "Then what are you talking about Emily?" Lucas asked
"Well ever since I got back last week from my trip to my grandparents I've woke up every night from this strange dream about this guy that I know I have never seen before. And I always have the feeling that I know him from somewhere." I said.
"OK so tell me what the guy in your dreams looks like and maybe I can help you remember where it is you might have seen him. Maybe it is some guy you saw for a moment while you were at your grandparents" Lucas told me.
So I described the guy from my dreams to Lucas as we walked to school. And by the time we reach the school I have told him every detail I could think of about the guy from my dreams. Knowing that Lucas still thinks it is just some guy I saw while I was away for the summer. And one that I had tried to keep all to myself and that my subconscious is now paying me back for not sharing this beautiful creature with him.
I tell Lucas that I sent him pics of every good looking guy I saw while I was gone and would have never kept something like that away from him. But by then it was time for Lucas and I to go our separate ways to our own first period classes.

My first class just happens to be as an aide in the office. So I happen to be the first student at Paradise Point to see the new addition to the student body. It just so happens I'm also the first one to literally run into him to. I was walking past the principal’s office with a stack of papers that I could barely see over, on my way to start making copies for all the teachers that day. When he and Principal Gordon came out of the door and we ran right into each other. Papers went everywhere and as I bent to pick them up so did he. He apologizes to me for making me drop them and I told him it was my fault I should have never tried to carry that many at one time anyways. It wasn't until then that I looked up at him and realized that the guy I had run into was the guy from my dreams. Everything about him was just as it had been in my dreams, from his long dark hair to those emerald green eyes. I sat there stunned I couldn't believe my eyes and was thinking to myself that there is just no way this was happening. Principal Gordon was trying to get my attention by waving his hand in front of my face and asking if I was okay or if I needed to go to the nurse.
“No Principal Gordon I don't need to see the nurse I'm fine" I told him.
"Well Miss Sanders since you seem to be fine, will you be so kind as to show Mr. Matthews here to his first period class?" Principal Gordon asked me.
"Ugh yes sir" was the only thing I could think to say. Leaving the office to show him too his first class, I started to get that feeling of knowing him again it was the same feeling I had every night after waking up from my dreams. Not sure what to say to him I figured the best thing was to introduce myself.
"I'm Emily Sanders" I told him as we walked down the hall.
"Zane Matthews" he told me "It nice to meet you Emily"
"You to and May I" I said pointing at his schedule needing to know where it was I was taking him. As I looked at his schedule I noticed that his first class of the day was the same biology class that Lucas was in, and that I had the last three classes with him after lunch. So I decided to tell him that if he wanted to meet me outside in the court yard after lunch I would be glad to show him where his last three classes where since we were both in the same classes but I couldn't be of much help for the next three before lunch. I drop him off at his class and tell him that I'll see him after lunch if he wants. He smiles at me and nods as he walks into class and I hear everyone in class stop talking.

The next three classes go by and by the time lunch rolls around everyone in school seems to be talking about Zane. As I walk into the cafeteria I hear none other than Kasey Martin and her friends talking about him. She was claiming him for her own, saying that she will have the hottest guy in school as her boy-friend before the end of the week. I just shake my head as I walk by on my way to meet up with Lucas at our usual table in the court yard. As I get there Lucas is day dreaming about something, it takes me a few times of saying his name before he snaps out of it. "You okay Lucas" I ask.
"Yeah just day dreaming I guess" is all he could say before he starts to wonder back to his dreams again.
"Lucas snap out of it already you can day dream later" I say laughing. "What or who are you day dreaming about any way?"
Lucas looks at me and asks "Haven't you seen the new kid Zane Matthews? Everybody in school is talking about him."
"Yes I have already met Zane I was the one to show him to his first class today" I tell Lucas. "Well if you've already met him you should understand why everyone is talking about him." He says.
Now is when I decide to ask Lucas if he remembers the stuff that I told him about my dreams on the way to school. He nods and I continue. "So you remember what I told you about the guy in my dreams, what he looks like?" I ask with a questioning look on my face. Lucas sits there thinking for a moment then turns to me and says "Oh my god, Emily now that I think about it, from what you told me about your dream guy and now seeing Zane they could be the same person. But how is that possible?"

"I'm not all together sure about that myself" I say "but when I was around him this morning I had that same feeling again the one I have every night after I wake from the dreams, the feeling that I know this person. Just then the guy from my dreams walks up behind me and asks if he could join Lucas and me. Not sure what to say I just nod my head and then mouth the words “Help Me" to Lucas.
Lucas smiles and turns his attention to Zane who is now sitting next to me and asks "So how do you like our lovely school so far?"
“I’m enjoying what I've seen so far" He says while looking in my direction. "Although I have run across one girl that acts as if I'm something she can own. What’s that all about?" Zane asks.
Lucas and I just laugh as we say that would be Kasey Martin head cheerleader and most popular girl here. "I tell Zane he might want to watch out for her cause I overheard her and her friends talking about how he would be her boy friend by the end of the week."
" Thanks for the warning but there is only one girl here that has caught my attention" Zane says smiling at me. But before I can say anything to him Kasey pushes herself between us knocking me out of the way. As I recover from nearly falling from my seat Kasey is busy flirting with Zane asking him which girl in school is the one that has caught his eye? He just looks at her as if she weren't even worth his effort to speak then gets up from his seat and walks past her to me and hands me a note, then walks away. Kasey sits there for a moment dumbfounded trying to figure out why any guy would get up and walk away from her. After a few moments she and her pack finally wonder off back to their own table and leave Lucas and me by ourselves once again. I look down at the note that is in my hand and open it up to read what it says.

Emily, I'll meet you at the end of lunch just wait at the table for me. I'll be there as soon as everyone else is gone. That way we can walk to class together as planed without Kasey interrupting us again. And just so you know she’s not my type. There is only one girl at this school for me and she is the one reading this note.
Zane

I sat there stunned for a moment trying to figure out how and when he could have written the note. There was no way he could have written it before sitting down with us he wouldn't have known what was going to be said and I would have seen him write it if he had done so while sitting with us. Still confused as lunch came to an end I told Lucas I would catch up to him at the end of school for our walk home. Lucas agreed then turned to leave not sure of what was up with me today.


message 2: by Lauren (new)

Lauren | 931 comments I thought your story was good, I really liked your writing style. I'll post one of mine later... No time now...


message 3: by Sabrina (new)

Sabrina Waddle (breewaddle) Thanks Lauren


message 4: by Lisarenee (new)

Lisarenee | 7659 comments Sabrina, Would it be okay to change the posting to Soul Mates by Sabrina? That way this post can be dedicated to your story? BTW I thinks it's a great start. You get us hooked at the beginning wondering who this Zane person is. I love it when a story starts off on a mysterious note.


message 5: by Sabrina (new)

Sabrina Waddle (breewaddle) Yeah it would be okay to change the posting. And thanks I'm still working on adding more to it but as soon as i get more I'll post it here to.


message 6: by The UHQ Nasanta (last edited Jan 26, 2011 07:44PM) (new)

The UHQ Nasanta (uhqs) | 829 comments I'm not even halfway done and I'm already intrigued.

I thought that perhaps this sentence could be improved on:

"I took the pop tart my mom had waiting for me saying "thanks and love you mom" as I went past her and out the door."

Not entirely sure how it would be better but I was thinking maybe something like:

I grabbed the pop tart my mom had waiting for me, and rushed past her out the door.

"Thanks and love you, mom."

My best friend Lucas Davenport was waiting at the end on the driveway for me as I came out of the house.

OR

I grabbed the pop tart my mom had waiting for me, and as I rushed past her out the door, I shouted, "Thanks and love you, mom."


I also really like how you don't tell the reader that Lucas is a homosexual but show it in other ways.


message 7: by Rachel (new)

Rachel (treychel) | 1484 comments I thought the pop tart sentence was a tad awkward also. Other than that, I like it a lot. I am already loving Lucas' character. Homosexual guy friends in novels are the best. :)


message 8: by Sabrina (new)

Sabrina Waddle (breewaddle) Thanks guys its still a work in progress and I'll take your comments in to consideration. I like having people help me with this story its the first one I've ever written so I may not be so good at it...


message 9: by Sabrina (last edited Feb 23, 2011 10:55AM) (new)

Sabrina Waddle (breewaddle) I have written a little more to my story its not much but I'm not really sure if this is the direction I want to go with it yet or not. Let me know what yall think...


I sat there by myself for a few moments wondering how Zane could have had the time to write the note but nothing came to mind about how he could have done it. I was just about to get up to head to class when I noticed him standing about five feet away just watching me. I got up and walked to him. I was just about to ask him how he had written the note when he asked if I was ready head to class. I nodded my head and we started walking to our next class. I was still wondering about the note but something about Zane right then told me it wasn’t the right time to ask him about it, so I let it go for now but I told myself that I would find out how he had done it. I also told myself that I would figure out why I felt as if I had known him my entire life and what was up with the dreams I was having about him every night. I knew figuring all this out would take time and as long as he was still living in Paradise Point I had the time to figure it all out.
Our next class was gym and I hated gym class I was a not the athletic type and usually got picked last for any sport we played in class. When we got into the gym the coach instructed us to head into the locker rooms to change, then to report back to the gym floor where we would be playing basketball. When I walked into the locker room I noticed that Kasey was also there, she spotted me right away and took it upon herself to inform me that if Zane was hers and to stay out of her way. I told her that from what I had seen at lunch he didn’t have any interest in her and he was free to talk to and be with whomever he wanted. She didn’t take to kind to me saying that and tried to take a swing at me, but I saw the swing coming and managed to duck just in time. Her friends grabbed her telling her that it wasn’t worth the trouble it would get her into. I went to the other side of the locker room to change before she could change her mind about not wanting to get into trouble for hitting me over a guy. By the time I was done everyone else was already back in the gym and there was a group of people standing in a semi-circle around the basketball goal. I couldn’t see who was in the middle of the group but could see that whoever it was was making every shot he threw. I eased my way around to where I could see who was shooting, and it was Zane.


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