THE JAMES MASON COMMUNITY BOOK CLUB discussion

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Authors and Their Books > Le Pion De La Prophétie (Member) asks for some feedback on his writing-!

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message 1: by Rick-Founder JM CM BOOK CLUB (last edited Aug 21, 2010 03:24PM) (new)

Rick-Founder JM CM BOOK CLUB  | 7274 comments Mod
message 901: by Le Pion De La Prophétie (new) 37 minutes ago


THIS MESSAGE IS FROM MEMBER- Le Pion De La Prophétie

NOT FROM RICK-RICK READS- RICK CAN'T WRITE!!:>)


Hey guys..

It would be great if I got some more feedback on this, especially from Authors. Can you pleaseeee read it?

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/5517...





30 Days - Prolouge
by Le Pion De La Prophétie La Belgariade

tagsthe-end-of-the-world, vampire
genreMystery & Thrillers

description:
Copyright Justyn Zeider 2010

Three kids are vampires and are destined to save the world in 30 Days. They never asked for this to happen, but it did, against their wills. They have to fight the Blood Thirsty, and destroy the big machine, The Sucker, which is on a very distant planet from Earth. it has the power to create a black hole to suck all of the Earth up, so they can create a new Earth, consisting only of vampires. They think they are saving the world, but they are wrong. These kids have 30 Days to destroy the machine and all 100 vampires on the planet, but there is many obst ...more Copyright Justyn Zeider 2010

Three kids are vampires and are destined to save the world in 30 Days. They never asked for this to happen, but it did, against their wills. They have to fight the Blood Thirsty, and destroy the big machine, The Sucker, which is on a very distant planet from Earth. it has the power to create a black hole to suck all of the Earth up, so they can create a new Earth, consisting only of vampires. They think they are saving the world, but they are wrong. These kids have 30 Days to destroy the machine and all 100 vampires on the planet, but there is many obstacles in their way. Will they be able to dodge them before they die? Find out in the very fist installment of The Vampire Bergade, 30 Days.

*Note: This is an unedited draft of 30 Days. I will post the edited chapters as I edit them. I edit every 10 chapters at a time. I am not sure if it will be an excerpt or not. Also, I'm typing as fast as I can.

P.S: Chapter 1: Edited
Chapter 2: Edited
Chapter 3:
Chapter 4:
Chapter 5:
Chapter 6:
Chapter 7:
Chapter 8:
Chapter 9:
Chapter 10:

P.S Double: The chapter names are one day behind and I'm too lazy to change them. (less)






chapters
chapter 1: Prolouge
chapter 2: Figuring Out
chapter 3: The First Day
chapter 4: Day Two
chapter 5: Day Three
chapter 6: Fourth Day
chapter 7: The Fifth Day
chapter 8: The Sixth Day
chapter 9: The Seventh Day
chapter 10: Eighth Day
chapter 11: The Ninth Day
chapter 12: Day Ten
chapter 13: The Twelfth Day
chapter 14: The Thirteenth Day


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

Rick wrote: "message 901: by Le Pion De La Prophétie (new) 37 minutes ago

Hey guys..

It would be great if I got some more feedback on this, especially from Authors. Can you pleaseeee read it?

http://..."


thank you so much!


message 3: by Rick-Founder JM CM BOOK CLUB (last edited Aug 21, 2010 10:21PM) (new)

Rick-Founder JM CM BOOK CLUB  | 7274 comments Mod
Nanette wrote: "Hi...I am almost afraid to do this, but you are begging. is this the first page?

Right here, almost at the start, you repeat yourself, which diminishes any impact: They never asked for this to ..."


Hi Nanette
I was not clear as to the origin of the post

THIS MESSAGE IS FROM MEMBER- Le Pion De La Prophétie

NOT FROM RICK-RICK READS- RICK CAN'T WRITE!!:>)

I very much appreciate what I consider very constructive criticism for him- the fact that you put so much time in,and made some very excellant observations- is, according to member-Le Pion De La Prophétie- EXACTLY WHAT HE IS LOOKING FOR-
I thank you for being so caring a person as to take the time to assist a new member!! You are the best!
Rick


message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Nanette wrote: "Hi Rick,

yes, did I put it in the wrong place? LOL! I hope it's okay...

To: Le Pion De La Prophetie,,,hope it was okay..

best,
nanette"


Thanks for the feedback.


message 5: by Kyle (new)

Kyle Borland (kgborland) I would love to help read/edit this story! I agree with what Nanette said about the description though. It gives a lot away and is really repetitive but summaries are easily fixed! Finish the novel first and edit later, thats the best technique! Once its down on paper you can relax for like a day, have some beers while the beta-readers tear your baby to shreds and then give it back for you to make changes. Its a wonderful process :D

But definitely post the chapters as you have them done, I'm intrigued!


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