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Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Here is my current novel: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/230058-wolf-quest I'm only on Chapter 5 and it's taken me about 9 months to get there. The reason: Lots of revisions.


message 2: by Laura (new)

Laura  | 911 comments I read the first chapter! Okay...I have some suggestions/questions:

1) Can dogs/wolves cry? I'm not really an expert in dogs, so just wondering. Maybe you can make me smarter. :)

2) In the first paragraph/second paragraph, you keep using "The wolf," after already giving Tor a name. You should just refer to 'the wolf' as 'Tor' or 'he'.

3) Show, don't tell. (I'm quoting someone here, I don't remember...maybe Mandy? :) ) Instead of writing, "The normally green grass was dry and brown" write "The stiff, dried grass crunched under Tor's paws" or something like that.

4) Try to be more descriptive, please. I tend to get a little lost reading about the bear chase...

5) Add excitement! :D Try creating suspense and fear, maybe by using adjectives and writing what Tor's thinking.

6) You use 'heavy' way too much to describe the bear.

7) Keep up the great dialogue. :D Very realistic and gives a boost to the story!

. . . I'm like a maniacal editor, so no offense or anything it I sound critical, I can't help myself. It really is a good story.


message 3: by Mandy (new)

Mandy  Harmon (mandyharmon) | 10724 comments Dude, you quoted me! At least, I think you did. I don't remember exactly what I said....or if I said it. Haha. Sanka! =)


message 4: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Jul 28, 2010 11:14AM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Here's Chapter Six: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2... IT's shortner than what I normally write because i was writing really fast last night.

I do have one other thing to say. For the next week, I may not be able to get onto GR. It all depends on if the computer decides to behave.


message 5: by Laura (new)

Laura  | 911 comments Okay...I have problems like that too. See ya in a week if the computer's being bad... :/


message 6: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Apr 01, 2011 07:08AM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) I'm back and I have updated Chapter seven! Sorry for the long wait. My computer wouldn't cooperate.

Here's the link: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 7: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Oct 14, 2011 10:39AM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) I decided that I'm going to talk about me before I post up any more chapters. Because I don't want to have my writing file filled up with just updates on chapters. So here we go:


Name: Natasha

Age: Classified

Where I Live: US, somewhere down south.

Fav. Animal: Dog, Wolf, or Otter

Fav. Food: meat, any meat.

I listen to country music and pop.

I have a dog and a bird.

I am trying to complete a novel.
st.


message 8: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
I would read your story, but I'm just wondering: Is it about werewolves? Because if it is, I refuse.


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Nope, it's about wolves and dogs. No werewolves.


message 10: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
Then I shall read it.


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Thank you.


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Here is the updated and completely new chapter 7: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 13: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Dec 11, 2010 02:02PM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Here is Chapter Eight, please read and review: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 15: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Apr 02, 2011 06:42AM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) My favorite quotes from the musical Wicked:

Galinda: And what exactly have you been doing besides riding around on that filthy, old thing?
Elphaba: Well, we can't all come and go by bubble. Who's invention was that, the Wizard's? Of course, even if it wasn't I'm sure he'd still take credit for it.
Galinda: Yes, well, a lot of us are taking things that don't belong to us, aren't we?
Elphaba: Now wait just a clock tick! I know it may be difficult for that blissful, blonde brain of yours to comprehend that someone like him could actually choose someone like me! But it's happened... it's real. And you can wave that ridiculous wand all you want, you can't change it! He never belonged to you, he doesn't love you, and he never did! He loves me!
Glinda Slaps Her.
Elphaba: * Cackles.* Feel better now?
Galinda: Yes, I do.
Elphaba: Good, so do I.
She Slaps Glinda. Glinda Then Twirls Her Wand Skillfully And Elphaba Arms Herself With Her Broom.
They Charge At Each Other And Then Drop Their "Weapons" And Beat Each Other Senselessly. Glinda Takes Elphaba's Hat Off Her Head And Begins To Whack Her With It.


Galinda: He's been thinking alot, and that worries me
Fiyero: I've been thinking
Elphaba: Oh yes, I've heard


Galinda: I don't understand why you can't just teach us history instead of always harping on the past.


Galinda:...Oh I know! lets tell each other something we've never told anyone...I'll go first: Fiyero and I are going to be married! (squeals)
Elphaba: Really? He's asked you already?
Galinda: No, he doesnt know yet.


Galinda: That's right you just take that one road the whole time!!! uh-huh. No problem...Ok buh-bye...oh i hope they don't get lost i'm so bad at giving directions. (walks to nessa's grave.) Oh nessa. (Elphaba enters)
Elphaba: Well what a touching display of grief.
Galinda: i don't think either one of us has anything more to say to each other.
Elphaba: : i wanted something to remember her by and all that was left were those shoes. Now that wretched little farm girl has walked off in them. if you don't mind i'd like to have a moment to say goodbye to my sister
Galinda: Fine (steps to the side)
Elphaba: oh Nessa I’m so sorry please for give me.
Galinda: oh Elphie you mustn’t blame yourself. I know it's tragic. It trully is to have a house fall on you but accidents will happen.
Elphaba: you call this an accident?
Galinda: well no not exactly I wou...
Elphaba: then what would you call it?
Galinda: umm. A regime change caused by a bizarre and unexpected twister of fate
Elphaba: ..What...so you think a cyclone could just appear out of the blue?
Galinda: well no I never sa...
Elphaba: of course you never. your to busy telling everyone how wonderful everything is.
Galinda: I’m a public figure now and people expect me to...
Elphaba: to lie!
Galinda: TO BE ENCOURAGING. And just what have you been doing. Besides riding around on that filthy old thing. (motions towards broom)
Elphaba: well we can't all come and go by bubble!


Thank Goodness Scene:
Morrible: And thank goodness for you, Glinda, and your handsome swain, our new captain of the guard. To Fiyero. Now you've been at the forefront of the hunt for the Wicked Witch, haven't you?
Fiyero: Not really, but I don't like to think of her as a Wicked Witch.
Morrible: Captain, how does it feel?
Fiyero: Frustrating... but I became captain of the guard to find her, and I will keep searching!
Morrible: No, being engaged!
Ozians: Congratulotions!
Fiyero: This is an engagement party?
Glinda: Surprised?
Fiyero: Yes


message 16: by Mandy (new)

Mandy  Harmon (mandyharmon) | 10724 comments <333 Wicked!


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) This is a picture of a Dhole (pronounced "Dole") that I drew for fun. It is a endangered animal that is related to a fox:
description

I apologize for the fact that the tail was cut off. My scanner did not want to scan the last part of the Dhole.


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) I have now finished Chapter Ten of Wolf Quest. Please review. Here it is: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) I decided to make a list of my favorite books. Here they are:

Harry Potter
Hunger Games
Divergent

I'll add more later when I think of them.


Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) Here's an awesome picture I found:




message 21: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
That's my patronus.


message 22: by Natasha (ar y ffin) (last edited Oct 28, 2011 05:29AM) (new)

Natasha  (ar y ffin) (Natasha_ar_y_ffin) This is what happens if you make me mad:


I'll send my dog to sit on your cat.

NOTE: this is not my dog or my cat. I don't have a cat, but I do have a dog.


message 23: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
Awww. Poor kitty. D:


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