This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

I hate dating...

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message 1: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Hey Buddy,
We're on a date... you asked me. You also picked to come to this science museum, so perk the fuck up, put on some goggles, and let's head to the chemistry lab.

I don't know what you thought this was going to be, but this is never going to work. Did you honestly just walk briskly past the T-Rex on your way to stare longingly at a fucking chunk of quartz? Did you just get mad at me because I beat you in the trivia game about the amount of damage alcohol does to your brain? I don't think that was a real golden star moment on my part, you mopey bastard! Are we honestly STILL looking at holograms? Oh, your favorite one is of the T-REX? Too bad they don't have one that shows a fucking rock with some sparkley shit on the inside. You'd be all over that.

Also, I'm trying REALLY hard to have a conversation here. You lived in Canada? Where? "The EASTERN TIME ZONE PART?" Hmm, let's see what I can do with that. What were you doing there? "GOING TO SCHOOL." I see. Let's try another angle... Where do you live? "PORTLAND." No fucking way!! I live here too!! I've also lived here for most of my life... care to give a little more detail? "THE WEST SIDE." Come on!!! I am not going to show up at your house. Do you just want to tell me the general neighborhood? Jesus Christ!!

Do I want dinner? Not really. Oh, you are headed to the cafe. I will follow you. What am I going to have? I'm not sure, how about you? Oh, you're having chicken tacos. Awesome. I am going to have a salad. Oh hello order taker, may I please have a salad? He will have... A STRAWBERRY SMOOTHIE? Motherfucker!!!

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments .... we need to come up with a rant award of the week or something... cuz this one totally deserves something like that! dear god woman! i pray to god that poor loser never read this!

message 3: by Erika (new)

Erika | 202 comments or if he does read this, he realizes how gay he is. maybe really you're doing him a favor.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments you may have a point there... i wonder what he thinks about the whole date... if he thinks that Kristina now thinks he is cool and reflective for not doing an "omfg! look a fucking Trex!!!!!!" and instead choosing to look thoughtful while staring at some shiny rock...

message 5: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Alfonso wrote: "you may have a point there... i wonder what he thinks about the whole date... if he thinks that Kristina now thinks he is cool and reflective for not doing an "omfg! look a fucking Trex!!!!!!" and ..."

I'm POSITIVE he thought the date was horrible as well... he's one of those dipshits who is completely uninteresting, has no personality and then says stupid things about "having a hard time opening up to people."

PS. Who doesn't like dinosaurs?

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments that's why you take your dates to places with alcohol!!! no problems "opening up" after a few bottles of wine...

for real! who the fuck doesn't love 6 tons killing machines!!!

message 7: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Everyone loves dinosaurs. Dating sucks. I'm actually with Alfonso on this one. If I ever have to go on a date again I'm only going somewhere with alcohol*.

*ugh. just typing "alcohol" makes me feel woozy.

message 8: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments THERE WAS ALCOHOL!!! That's the whole beauty of the situation!!! You get to run around in the museum with microbrews and wine! It's an adults-only deal and there are wristbands and everything!!

message 9: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Well then he's really a dud huh? And what a jerk for telling you he was getting tacos and then getting a smoothie. You should have accidentally kicked him in the knee under the table. hard.

message 10: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Only a dumbass.

message 11: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I think the lonely are more in need of tacos and T-Rex.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments WAIT!! So you telling me that there were T-rex and alcohol... and it was that lame of a date? This does not sound right! Did you do anything to freak the guy out?

message 13: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Seth wrote: "Do you ever go with a different toenail polish, by the way?

(I'll be glad when you ladies put your feet away.)"

Of course. I change it every time.
I believe I will now keep a foot avatar for the same length of time that you kept that avatar of yours I was not so fond of.

message 14: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Did you try putting your hand on his butt while he was looking at the quartz? Maybe he needed you to make the first move and goose him.

message 15: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Good point...maybe he was really shy about liking dinosaurs in front of a lady and thought the quartz would make him look more refined. The hand could've delivered a reassuring pat.

message 16: by melbourne (new)

melbourne (cocho) i second the rant of the week idea... after reading this i am reminded of how much i don't miss dating... hope the next one is better...


message 17: by Stina (last edited May 27, 2010 01:52PM) (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Seth wrote: "Who picks quartz and a smoothie over T-Rex and a taco?!"

BunWat wrote: "Why would you even want to put your hand on the butt of some guy who doesn't like dinosaurs?"

Alfonso wrote: "WAIT!! So you telling me that there were T-rex and alcohol... and it was that lame of a date? This does not sound right! Did you do anything to freak the guy out?"

@ Seth- Who DOES pick quartz and a smoothie? I can only think of one person and it's that guy!
@ Bun- I could not agree more! In fact, I'm going to make it a prerequisite for all future dates to figure out what they think about dinosaurs before I put my hand on their ass.
@ Alfonso- So I wasn't supposed to wear a wedding dress?

I actually don't think I could have freaked him out last night. I was on my best behavior and didn't even swear (it was really, really hard). The guy was just a major dud.

message 18: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Lets be fair to the boy, now... it could have been a lousy T. Rex display or a very interesting quartz specimen. My college geology department had some pretty cool ones (quartz specimens, not Tyranosaurs), including a single crystal about 2 feet high and a foot across. They used it as a doorstop. And you did say he liked the T. Rex hologram, yes? So he's not totally opposed to dinosaurs.

The strawberry smoothie thing is suspect, though. Did he drink girly alcolholic drinks as well?

message 19: by [deleted user] (new)

In case you're ever in Alfonso's neighborhood, Kristina, he and I went to a science museum, and he loved the dinosaurs. And his only weird food thing was that he was afraid of bagels or something.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments it was a fun trip to the museum! they had that big whale that was awesome! and the dinosaurs and those huge cats!!! if they were to have given me alcohol... dude! it would be one of the coolest places ever! and i do not remember staring at a rock at any point!!!

and i'm not afraid of bagels! is just that they kind of weird...

message 21: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments We have some butterfly deal at the Natural History Museum. You know the kind where you walk through the enclosure and they can land on your head. That would be a fun drinking event.

message 22: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments I always think butterflies are pretty until one flaps close to me. The only thing worse than doing that "there's a bee close to me" dance is doing an even spazzier dance because a butterfly flitted by.

Also, grasshoppers are the devil in insect form.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments ha! that scene was filmed on my country!

message 24: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Okay ladies, we've established that not liking dinosaurs is a deal-breaker. And when my sister went out with a guy who didn't like cookies, I explained to her why that was a deal-breaker.

So for the edificaion of the single men here, what are some other deal-breakers?

message 25: by [deleted user] (new)


And other kinds of ignorance and hatred.

Plus driving monster trucks.

message 26: by Rusty (last edited May 27, 2010 06:41PM) (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Montambo wrote: "Racism.

And other kinds of ignorance and hatred.

Plus driving monster trucks."

Okay I get it, I get it. We'll never date.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments They ain't that bad... one can always pretend to care for those things chicks dig...

message 28: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) Pterodactyls suck. T-Rex is pretty cool, but I think Triceratops have the coolest name. Just an opinion!

message 29: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Stretchy spit in the corners of his lips, facial hair without a purpose, lack of transportation, refusal to sing in the car, hang-ups on ex-girlfriends, owning a bird or a snake or a lizard, hair that is longer than mine, thinking his "unique smell" means he doesn't have to wear deodorant (I really did date this guy, for a spell), too much hair product and/or highlights, refusal to let me pick the fucking movie for once (dated this guy too), not keeping up with current events...

Those are just a few!

message 30: by smetchie (last edited May 28, 2010 04:53AM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments This right here. This is the
"Stretchy spit in the corners of his lips"

message 31: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit Fuck me. Dating. I don't miss that at all.

Servius  Heiner If my wife ever wises up and leaves, I think I will be happily single from then on. I figure by this point if you are still single then you have problems and I don't want any part of them.

message 33: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I think if my husband up and left me I'd try again. I would hate it, though.

message 34: by Harry (new)

Harry  (harry_harry) I'm not sure what I'd do. When I was able to date, I wasn't as curmudgeony as I am now. Now I really hate small talk and trying to impress people...I actually don't like people very much in general. I think I'd have a real hard time out there.

I would, however, NEVER order a Strawberry smoothie. Pineapple Orange is my go-to.

message 35: by melbourne (new)

melbourne (cocho) Harry wrote: "Pterodactyls suck. T-Rex is pretty cool, but I think Triceratops have the coolest name. Just an opinion!"

yes, 'id have to agree with you about the triceratops...

Servius  Heiner After some thought I think I have changed my mind... I would buy one of those mail order jobs... someone that doesn't speak any English would be best. that way I wouldn't know if she was being lame; like talking about how awesome feet are or some Russian crap like that. However there would be no disguise for her ordering a strawberry smoothie.

message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

Gretchen wrote: "This right here. This is the
"Stretchy spit in the corners of his lips""

Especially when the spit is mixed with ranch dressing.

message 38: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I like how Kristina's dated guys with all of her "deal braker" habits. I do not think this word means what she think it means.

message 39: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Oh, I know what it means... it's unfortunate, because I suck so bad at not paying attention to red flags. The end of a relationship is always super embarrassing for me because I think, "Hey, six months ago when he told me that he wasn't going to say 'I love you' to anyone until he got married, I probably should have hit the road."

Also, the deodorant deal breaker only became one after that guy... who knew it wasn't a given? Kind of like being on board with dinosaurs and not ordering strawberry smoothies.

I have another date tonight folks! Let's hope this one goes better!!

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments I don't get! How can these losers get dates and I have to go to church to search for the most desperate one! (No bars around here and I refuse to drink and drive) this make no sense!

And by the way! How are your dates being settup? Are they blind dates? Is your worse enemy trying to match you?

message 41: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Man, if my wife realized how much better she could do and took off, I think it would take a long time to work up the energy to do that whole awful dating thing again.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments Ummm your word sound wise Rusty.... how do you brain wash em into not realizing what a terrible mistake it is to stay with one like me? Cuz I've been thinking of going after the dumb ones... it seems that the smart ones realize too soon that they dating me... when there is a whole lot better things than me out there...

message 43: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Okay Fonoso,

I'm going to drop some trade secrets on you. First, you have to find a woman with a soft spot for wretched, pathetic creatures who tend to be their own worst enemy. My wife worked at an animal hospital and was wont to bring home the most pitiful of abandoned animals. Luckily she's too busy with the kids to do that anymore, but I digress.

So then you work your way into her life, but then you have to drop a hint every so often that you aren't the complete asshole that all other evidence suggests. So she starts to think of you as a romantic project, and not just a humanitarian project.

And at this point, there are two different schools of thought. Some assholes will treat this girl like shit, just like they do everyone else. But this is only effective if you're looking for an immature girl with no self-respect or personality of her own.

However, if you want a smart girl with some self-respect and confidence, you have to be nice to her. I'm an asshole. My wife knows I'm an asshole. But if she ever gets an inkling that I'm directing my assholeishness in her direction, she will put me in my place faster than the speed of sound (not quite as fast as the speed of light, but she's working on it).

This whole process is probably much easier if you're not an asshole. Good luck, Fonoso.

The Crimson Fucker (tcf123) | -3 comments Rusty wrote: "Okay Fonoso; wretched, pathetic creature who tend to be his own worst enemy. "

there i fixed that sentence for ya... i get what you mean... but i have problems in the being nice department... sometimes it's like i cant stop! no matter how much that angry dude inside my head who keeps telling me to shut the fuck up dont seen to be able to over come my assholness... now keep in mind that i am too a big time ass hole! but i dont wanna be an asshole around hot smart chicks (when they rarely appear) how do i do this????? i've thought about erm... you ever seen this movie Saving Silverman? when they put the electrocuting nod things on his nipples? so he dont talk about his ex? well... something like that! cuz sometimes i really dont wanna be an asshole! but i cant fucking stop!!!!

message 45: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Rusty, that is the best dating advice I've ever read.

Alfonso, your brain and weiner need to get on the same page.

Because I know everyone was waiting for an update... last night's date went really well. I don't even have anything to rant about!

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