Dear (fill-in-the-blank): an expert advice thread.

[Jim]

I cant see how it could hurt for them to have the information.

[[deleted user]]

Jammies wrote: "Dear TCers,

If you knew that an author you admired was associated with a business whose proprietor was engaging in shady practices, would you say something to said author, or just hush up and mo..."


First I'd try to blackmail either the author and/or the proprietor and THEN I'd move on.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

Does anyone here speak Polish, or know about Polish grammar?

[Scout]

Not me. I'm curious about why you asked that question, Lg.

[Lobstergirl, el principe]

I was doing a Polish-English translation on google and several times, in several different passages, a pronoun and a proper name came out in the feminine versions, when they should have been masculine. I'm trying to figure out why.

[Scout]

Wish I could help. Hope someone here can.

[Phil]

My FIL could help if it had anything to do with baked goods (his Polish parents owned a bakery in Chicago) or drinking (he learned this on his own). The rest of the language is all Greek to him.

[Cheri]

One of the best meals I've ever had was at a Polish place in Chicago. It was in a basement with big picnic tables, really bright fluorescent lights and a grandma in the corner with a HUGE knife chopping cabbage. I don't think anyone but us spoke English but I could have been drunk and couldn't tell the difference.

[Cynthia]

OK Advice needed from all you parents of young adults.

My 20-year-old college girl has her own apartment about 40 miles from Dr. Cynthia and I. In the past year and a half, she has been a successful owner of a chinchilla, with assistance from me when she is off riding her bike across Iowa or out of town for the weekend.

Last week, E. rescued a male adult cat from an owner that was not paying it enough attention. The owner had dumped the cat at E.'s friend's apartment and then not bothered to come and pick it up.

E.'s friend already has a female cat and she did not get along with the new guest.

E. lives in apartment that does not allow cats. She can move into a different, cat-friendly apartment in her complex on May 1.

I have tried to get E. to take responsibility for finding a temporary home for Mr. Cat, for March and April. She has tried asking my brother, who loves cats, but my mom (lives with brother) says no, as the cat has all its claws.

My question: Am I enabling E. in her quest for animal hoarder status if I take care of Mr. Cat for the next 7-8 weeks? I have space (refinished attic bedroom) where Mr. Cat could have privacy. I already have 2 cats and Carl the dog.

Help, please. I want her to solve this on her own, but I am also wanting to help her to do the right and kind thing.

[janine]

Not a parent of a young adult, still young adult-adjacent myself. Still, that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion :)

From what you've told about your daughter she seems like a responsible girl. And as you say she's already showed she can take care of a pet by herself. She's even willing to move to make it happen. And one cat doesn't make a hoarder :) It's not time for an intervention yet.

Helping her doesn't mean she can't also solve most of it on her own. Talk about conditions before taking the cat in (i.e. it's her cat, she provides toys and food and visits regularly, she's already arranged everything there needs to be arranged for her to take the cat in when she moves, does he need to be neutered or are there other medical concerns, is there a back-up catsitter, things like that). Hope that helps.

[Cynthia]

Thanks Janine. I know lots of parents who have ended up caring for pets belonging to their children for years and years. Setting limits sounds like the key.

[~Geektastic~]

Also not a mom, but I second what janine said.

[Phil]

We still have our daughter's cat.

Seven years later.

[Cynthia]

Yes, Phil. This is why I'm worried. Add this to my long list of daughter-related worries.

[evie]

We have two cats my daughter rescued.

[Cheri]

First things first. Someone (you or E) must take Mr Cat to the vet and make sure he has his shots before coming around your cats. Feline leukemia is a very contagious and will kill your cats. If he's not neutered, he needs to be for his safety. E needs to pay for all of this if he is to be her cat. If she can't afford it, she doesn't need the cat and he doesn't need to come your house, even for a few weeks.

Cats are notoriously difficult to relocate. See:
Is Your Cat Crazy? for ways to make any move easier on everyone.

[Cynthia]

Thanks, Cheri. Vet appointment is Saturday a.m. We'll get him checked out before he enters the house. E. has been babysitting on Saturday nights and selling plasma, so she can afford the cat.

I have been talked into it, and will keep him in the attic bedroom so he will have his privacy and not upset the other animals. Wish me luck.

[evie]

Good luck Cynthia. He'll probably be adorable.

[Cheri]

My only other (tiny) bit of advice: Keep him completely inside for a few weeks. So many cats run off after a visit to the vet. Then all the money spent is for a cat that is living down the street at the neighbor's house. Put his litter box and food on opposite sides of the room. If you start him off and keep him on dry food, his teeth will last longer and he'll stay healthier. Petting him will keep him happier than leaving him alone -take a book.

Everyone will be fine.

[Cynthia]

Oh, he's not going outside. Good advice about placement of litter and food.

"Everyone will be fine" is now my mantra of the day, Cheri! XOOO, Cynthia

[Cheri]

Repeat as needed.