Axis Mundi X discussion

Love me, hate me, working on me...

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Servius  Heiner  | 1980 comments Mod
What are some things you love about yourself, things that make you a good person to know/ being alive/be around, what have you? What are some things that you hate about yourself? Things that you wish you could change but seem to be unable to follow through with.

What I love about my self…:
My ability to listen to people even though I know we are not reading from the same page. That I am a good husband and provide a comfortable life for my wife and spoil my puppy. If one were to hand me a pallet of tooth picks glue and aluminum foil I would hand them back a space worthy shuttle. Even though some may not see it I am pretty giving. My aggressive approach to tackling problems even though I am in over my head, my successes in this department have taught me that even being ill equipped to handle a situation doesn’t mean failure is inevitable. Success is always hiding right behind failure; you just need to push through it.

What I hate about myself: The most dominating fault to me is my mastery of the English language, or rather the lack of. This has been a larger obstacle then any other in my life. I’m fast to anger (0 to mushroom cloud in two seconds flat) my stubborn nature… I guess it is a German thing. I wish I were more artistic, I can not sing, play instruments, write, paint, draw, nothing zero zilch zip. (My wife makes up for this, she has impressive artistic qualities in all mentioned above.) I can not stand my family. I have written them all off with exception to my father and grandmother.

Works in progress:
My at times overbearing “constructive criticism” which often masks my good intentions.
Spelling and grammar.
Learning. To me learning is a journey not a destination. Too many people seem to just go for a piece of paper then stop. Where is the love of knowledge today?

message 2: by Hayley (new)

Hayley | 576 comments Interesting subject Nick!!

Here goes:

What I love about myself is that I'm a good listener, if you where to ring me at 3am in the morning I would answer the phone and listen and give the right advise. I love the fact that I quite forgiving, no matter what a person has done to hurt me I can't hold a grudge and tend to (after a couple of drinks) make the first move - to say it doesn't matter what happened I miss you as a friend. I also love that no matter what the situation I always try and find the positive, which isn't always easy.

What I hate about myself is that I have this passion to write but can never get my idea's to form - though I'm trying to write a childrens story at the moment and seem to be getting somewhere, so keep you fingers cross for me!! I hate that I get easily frustrated when I can't do something, I have to work hard to achieve the successes in my life so no matter how hard I work and I still can't master something it really gets to me - I think the subject Maths is the perfect expamle - I still struggle with it. I hate the fact that I'm alsways trying to prove myself to people, old teachers, ex-boyfriends adn even my friends.

Working on me:-
I am trying to stop proving myself to other people, I know I have successed in everything I've done so far by working hard but I need to stop letting other people dictate the way I feel about it.
Writing - I'll get there with hard work.

message 3: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony Yeah, I want to think about this a bit more before I respond, but I was struck by Haley's "I am trying to stop proving myself to other people." Getting to that point was important for me. Well said.

message 4: by Hayley (new)

Hayley | 576 comments Thanks RA - its hard though because I've been doing it most of my life. The biggest success there was proving to my philosophy teacher at college that I would pass her course and get a place at university - the look on her face when I got my exam result and waved my letter of appacenptence(sp - Nick I have a degree in English and still can't spell)at here. The best day ever but I was still proving I could do it.

message 5: by J (new)

J me, me, me...

What I love about myself: I'm easy to get along with. I try to be fair, to see all sides of things. I'm passionate under a reserved veneer. I enjoy my own company. I have capable hands.

What I hate about myself: I hate that it was so hard to say what I love about myself. I'm an underachiever, a procrastinator, always late, unrepentant, fall prey to jealousy and competitiveness, sarcastic... Wow. I should really work on some of those.

message 6: by Hayley (new)

Hayley | 576 comments Something else I love about myself - I'm always early, which means I am never late. Though this can backfire slightly when I arrive 10 minutes early and then my friend turns up an hour late, usually when we're meeting for a drink - it is so not cool sitting on your own in a bar.

message 7: by J (new)

J Nick: I enjoy your creative spelling and grammar. I imagine you doggedly, determinedly typing away and saying the hell with it.

Anthony: I love that you haven't answered the question yet and I can call you lazy!

Hayley: I know it's not cool to leave you sitting alone in a bar for an hour. I'm sorry.

message 8: by Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You. (new)

Charissa (dakinigrl) | 3620 comments Mod
wow... that's a pretty intense question. Not usually things I declare publicly. But if Nick can do it...

+ I love that I'm a good mother. It's been the most important thing to me since the day I gave birth and I am proud and happy that I have had the stones to step up to the plate and do what has been called for. It has not been an easy journey. In fact it has been the most difficult thing of my life. And the most worth while. Even on days when I'm feeling bad about myself in other ways I can tilt my chin upward when I remember that I have done this well.

- I hate that I have such a difficult time focusing on one thing, in term of my creative life. The euphamism is "Renaissance Woman", the reality is... I'm in my forties and still don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up. Artist, writer... these are too broad at this point for this broad.

+ I love that I have 12 1/2 years of sobriety. Nuff said.

- I hate that sometimes I still want a hand full of opiates and a bottle of red wine so badly that my teeth ache.

+ I love my brain. I love that my curiosity about the world has never waned and that I spend each day in pursuit of feeding that curiosity. I love that I am pretty much never bored. I love being able to think about things like quantum physics.

- I hate that I don't understand why after all these years of looking for true love that it has eluded me... and that now I've spent so many years living as a single woman I find it puzzling to think of trying to actually cohabitate with someone. Apparently, being smart is of no help in this arena whatsoever. In fact, it may actually be a hinderance.

+ I love that I am finally relatively content with my life anyway.

Mostly these days I'm working on getting my sheet together in terms of career and finances. I'm pretty much a dunderhead in that department, like a lot of artistic types. I can read Stephen Hawking, but not a spread sheet. Finances make me panic. And not at the disco. Somehow I've managed to not put myself and my daughter into a cardboard box in the gutter... but I would not say that I have managed that aspect of my life well. I've been insanely lucky, insanely stupid at times, and somehow blundered on through. I want to do better than blunder. I don't know what that looks like exactly... but (like pornography) I'll know it when I see it.

message 9: by Hayley (new)

Hayley | 576 comments Aww don't worry J I'll get over it.

message 10: by Kelly (new)

Kelly Charissa: I just wanted to say congratulations on your sobriety. And you know, also the raising of the kid thing. :)

Okay, so, my turn! Good thing to remind myself of on a frustrating afternoon:

Things I love: my passions for the various things I love in my life and allowing myself to feel them intensely, no matter how that might hurt me (didn't use to be able to do this), somehow, bewilderingly, having ended up in a stable, and healthy relationship for the first time in my life, that I take responsibility for my actions and don't try to blame other people, that I'm a very good gift giver (never ever given someone a gift certificate and never will except under duress!), that I can listen and understand all sides of an arguement rather than getting caught up in my own (which has its own issues), that I'm living independently (no parental financial help) and handling adult things for the first time in my life and not making a hash of it. I also love that I've been able to maintain some decade long friendships with amazing people, despite distance and diverging lives.

Things I hate: the fact that I often to always assume that someone who makes a criticism of me must be right and I must be in the wrong somehow, the fact that I get emotional over the same criticism, legitimate or not, and allow it to ruin my perception of myself. I also hate that I hide from things I shouldn't as long as possible. I hate that I so often allow practical considerations to override what I want out of life. I hate that since leaving school and starting work, my mind feels totally dulled and shut off. I hate that while getting by in a job am thoroughly bored by, I've grown a little more angry every day and by extension I hate that I'm still here anyway doing only a passable job when I could be doing excellent at something I love.

Working on:
-doing better at my job despite despising it, because it is a paycheck I need and I should do well at even dull work.
-self-confidence in all areas of my life.
-opening up to people that I haven't known for 10 years.
-trying to think more in-depth about things rather than just getting by on clever.

message 11: by Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd (new)

Jackie "the Librarian" | 1818 comments Mod
What I like about me:

I'm very knowledgable in my chosen career. I like to think that I'm a maven of children's literature. I'm very happy that I knew what I wanted to do with my life, and was able to do it.

I'm honest, dependable, and caring. I'm a great listener, and I remember what people tell me. I like that I usually have a good attitude toward life.

What I don't like about me:

I'm lazy about chores. I like a clean house, but I really have to force myself to do it.

I wish I would keep in touch with friends better, but I hate calling people.

I can be pretentious and snobby, and yet I watch crap like "Dancing With the Stars".

I'm passive - I just complain instead of acting to improve my world. I vote, and recycle, sure, but I rationalize my lack of real community involvement by saying that I'm a public servant already.

What I'm working on:
The chore thing. I don't know why I make such a federal case out of it.
Taking care of myself - getting to bed at a decent hour would be nice, getting more exercise.
And just being a considerate person in general.

message 12: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony Ok, I've thought about this a while, and read through all of your lovely posts, so I should probably write something down:


1. I'll do just about anything for a friend.
2. I love and take of animals naturally.
3. I think I'm usually a good father although I do lose my cool sometimes.
4. I'm a good teacher...I'm good at my job, I think, and it's a job where people will tell you you suck a lot.
5. I can take care of myself and don't rely on others much, etc. I'm not materialistic.
6. I write quickly and effectively. I'm good with words.


1. I can be judgmental. Now, I don't always say it out loud, but in my head I'm saying "what a moron" when one of my neighbors buys an SUV and complains gas prices or something.
2. I can get defensive and I don't trust people very much. See #1.
3. I'm just now learning how to work with my hands. I wish I could build/fix things better.
4. I stress myself out and push myself hard. I'm just learning I can be done proving myself.
5. I tend to overanalyze things.
6. I get worn out by social stimuli easily. I want to go hide a lot.


1. Meditating more.
2. Letting anger/frustration go
3. Not letting other people control me by pissing me off

message 13: by Hayley (new)

Hayley | 576 comments I also love myself because I'm fully of good relationship advice - currently advising my friend he needs to fight for his girl.

message 14: by Ruth (new)

Ruth I need time to do a think-thru before I answer this. Hmmmmmmm. Begs the question of how well I know myself. Do I at all?

message 15: by John (new)

John (jilsao) Nick, I'm forwarding a pallet of toothpicks;-P Of course the shipping on a reentry vehicle might be more than just building it myself...
I guess you could fling it here with the Treb:-)


I love that I am an overlogical under-emotional person. I love that I have a good group of students now who are finally letting me teach things I've been working on for years. I love that while incapable of a working shuttle, I could add more duct tape to Nick's parts bin and produce a halfway decent nuclear sub. I love that I have at the age of 34 done just about everything I've ever wanted to do or learn.

I hate that people think I'm uncaring because I don't express my feelings twenty four hours a day. I hate that my apprentice instructor has disturbed the dynamic of my classes by professing his obsession with one of our best students. I hate that the submarine would (while being perfectly functional eventually) lie in a state of near completion for a year before I "got around to" finishing it. I hate that most of the things I've done I've done alone (even though I liked that at the time).

I guess I should be working on trust issues, I have very few friends, because I define friendship in a very trustbonded way (friends help you move, true friends help you move bodies) and don't let a lot of people in.
I should probably also become more reliable when it comes to scheduling. I procrastinate a LOT. I'll go into that more later...
I suppose if I have a regret of something I never did it would have to be not knowing a foreign language. That is one of the few things that I envy in other people. I'm english or nothing. Took some classes, but without a reason to use it, you forget it all (at least I did.)
These are far from my only flaws, as many would happily attest, but the one I didn't mention is being to lazy to type out a list that long;-P

message 16: by John (new)

John (jilsao) Hmm, I just took a closer look at RA's, and mine would be identical (if I thought it out better) with the exception of #3 on the don't like list.

Scary, I now picture Anthony as me but unable to repair stuff. No worries, send broken/unassembled objects to Southern MO or Fairbanks. ;-P

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