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General Chatting > Have You Ever Converted Someone Into Interracial Dating?

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message 1: by Stacy-Deanne (new)

Stacy-Deanne Stacy-Deanne (wwwgoodreadscomstacydeanne) Hi All,

Have you ever had a friend or relative that was always against dating out of their race and then one day, they told you they WERE dating out of their race and it was because of you? LOL! Have you ever knowingly or unknowingly converted someone?

I have but not intentionally. There's a black woman (an aspiring author) I used to talk with online a few years ago. I loved talking to her because we always saw things the same way. She didn't date out of her race. It wasn't that she had a problem with it, she just said she hadn't seen a white man out of movies that she was attracted to enough to date. I think she was also uncomfortable with the idea. So back then I told her I was really attracted to white men and she acted so surprised. I think she was surprised I was so bold with it. I notice some black people think that just because you are black and date out of your race, they think it shows a lack of pride for the black race. Whatever, as if I care, LOL. But back to this woman...this was about two years ago when we first met.

She recently emailed me to catch up. I was happy to hear from her. Anyway, she told me she remembered how much I liked interracial dating and she told me she's engaged to a white guy now! I almost fell out of my computer chair, LOL! At first I didn't believe her because she kept saying before how she thought the cultures were way too different and that she couldn't see herself romantic with a white man. Guess that changed huh?

She said I did a good thing back then by reminding her that love should have no color. She got a new job a few years ago and that's why she hadn't been online as much. In her job, she's one of few blacks (which are all women). She said she just couldn't find black men in her circles to date. She was so sick of being lonely, waiting on a black guy. She said she felt it was silly for her to be that way. White guys were asking her out and she was turning them down because she was afraid. So one day she went to this party thrown by her boss and she met the son (white guy) of a woman who worked with her. She said she'd never felt so connected to anyone. When he asked her out, she couldn't find any excuses to say no. She said he was a great guy and it surprised her that once she got to know him, she never thought about his color anymore. He'd dated black women before and she said that made her even more comfortable. So, fastforward and now they are engaged.

She said she came across my email address and had to write me because she knew I'd get a kick out of this story. She says she's happier than she's ever been and if she'd stayed in that narrow thinking of believing the man for her had to be black, she said she feels she would still be sitting around lonely. She also said that obviously God felt a good white man was what she needed because that's what he sent.

Isn't that a lovely story? LOL.

It made me feel good that she said I helped her to see more than color when it came to caring for someone. Back in the day, this lady wouldn't have dated a white man, now she's marrying one.

So, have anyone of you ever converted someone? Have you known someone who used to be against IR dating but now's doing it themselves?

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net


message 2: by Davina (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments I had to giggle at this: phillipino at the moment? So what'll he be next week, japanese? Lol, I think I know what is meant. I just found it funny.


message 3: by Deviki (new)

Deviki WOW that's really good to hear but i don't think i ever inspired people like that LOL
but hey ya never know
GOSH i wish some told me they changed becoz of me (in a good way that is LOL)


message 4: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
That's a really inspiring story, Stacy-Deanne! I haven't converted anyone, but I'm working on opening my friend's mind about it.


message 5: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments This is a great story Stacy!

I think I inadvertently converted my two cousins. They were like the typical black women I hear say, if you date outside your race, you turned your back on your own people.

If fact they pointed to me as the biggest problem of the black race. Not only have I dated and then married outside my race, I had the nerve to travel and live overseas!! OMG!

When I lived in Italy for four years, that just did it for them. Then when I continued dating other races, they were just too through.

I wasn’t until they REALLY saw how happy I was with my current husband, then boyfriend, that they started being curious.

Then the questions came.

What’s it like being with a….?
Are they different?
What do they say about your race?
Blah, blah, blah.

I told them ALL people want the same things.
A happy home life
A way to support their family
Good health
Raise their children to be good productive citizens (if they have children)
Overall peace in the world
To be loved

We eat, breath, cry, and bleed the same.

Yes they are cultural differences, but on a basic social level, we all want and need the same things.

After my cousins figured this out, they began to travel outside the United States for the first time.

My one cousin is married to a Czech that she met in the states in this little community. And my other cousin is dating a Jewish person and went to Israel for the first time last year.

Talk about an about face!


message 6: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
People make such a big deal out of it. It's not a big deal at all. It's all in the mindset.


message 7: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments Does my significant other & his sister count? Before my fiance met me he "claims" he'd never dated outside his race before & his parent's are borderline racist. Anyway, we dealt with the whole "what would (his) family think" problem & got through it. We've now been together 2 years & engaged a year and a half. His older sister has even started dating a Cambodian guy for a few months now. She said seeing our relationship & how we've managed to get through the rough patches race-wise has convinced her to step outside her own personal comfort zone.


message 8: by Stacy-Deanne (last edited May 11, 2010 08:57AM) (new)

Stacy-Deanne Stacy-Deanne (wwwgoodreadscomstacydeanne) Lethal Lovely said, "Does my significant other & his sister count? Before my fiance met me he "claims" he'd never dated outside his race before & his parent's are borderline racist."

Oh man that's really tough when someone you want to date or is dating has racist parents or a racist family. I don't know what I dislike more, the racists who pretend they aren't racist or the ones who let you know. I think I'd prefer the ones who let me know instead of those who might talk behind someone's back and be racist in a cowardly way. If you're a darn racist, be racist in the person face if you're so bad, LOL! Don't be acting nice then when the person leaves your house, turn up your nose and call 'em names. But it happens.

A funny thing this reminded me of. I used to know a black guy who'd started dating a white woman. He said the experience was so different because of how her family treated him. He said they seemed fake because they were "extra" nice. You guys know what I mean? Goes back to those racists or folks who don't like you but pretend to like you. Her parents weren't racists but had never been around blacks until the daughter brought HIM home. Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? LOL!

So he said something that I'll never forget. He said whenever they all talked and he was in the room, they'd direct every question to him so they could get the "black folks" opinion, LOL. He said, "How come they act like one black person can speak for the entire race or KNOWS what every black on the planet is thinking?" That tickled me and I've noticed that myself.

It's like sometimes when you're with some white folks, they act like when you give your opinion, it's for ALL blacks everywhere, LOL! He had to tell them, "Hey I can't speak for everyone, just me." LOL!

What's really weird is when you are talking about politics or something or something like Obama, and then the white people in the group might agree with a certain opinion but think you might not because you're black, then they look at you like, "Uh-oh hope I didn't offend you." LOL! I remember when the OJ stuff happened. I had white friends who tripped over themselves because they thought I cared if they thought OJ was guilty. PUHLEESE! I knew OJ was guilty! Just because I was black don't mean I was studdin' OJ! LOL! I was a teenager when that was going on and I remember the subject of OJ coming up when whites folks and blacks were together was hilarious because the whites assumed all blacks were backing OJ. Nope, LOL!

Back to the guy, he also had to tell the parents to relax and treat him like everyone else. The mother said she'd never had a black man in the house before. LOL! He said he liked to play with the mother because she used to be so jittery, trying not to offend him. He said one day he told her, "Don't worry, ma'am. I ain't gonna rob you today." He said she went up and down the house saying she never thought that and she wouldn't ever think that and she wasn't racist! LOL! He told her, he was only joking and to relax. He said it was weird but sure was funny to see how the momma was acting. He said, instead of him letting it make him uncomfortable he was gonna have fun with the parents, LOL. He said they relaxed the longer they knew him. I don't know if he still dates the white lady or not because I haven't heard from this guy in years, but it's a funny little story when he told it.

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net


message 9: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
I get tired of being the spokesperson for the Black race. Sigh!


message 10: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments Hey Stacy!

This cracked me up, but I know what you mean from other people that date “white folks” LOL.

The reason I said that, that way is because I have always dated foreign men or second generation. It’s a lot different. Their questions, stares and comments is more from curiously and harmless ignorance.

I have been in countries like Iceland. Yes, Iceland. I got stared at, looked at and people coming up to me asking me stuff and smiling and grinning. In the U.S., you would think like your black male friend, but no. These people were actually just curiously because they never seen black people and wanted to get to know me.

I remember this Belgium man said to me, “It’s not racism, it’s “rareism”. I thought that was cute.

Danielle, I feel ya! It’s like some white people think I speak for all blacks. I just speak for me and it’s neither a black or white view or opinion.


message 11: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
I've never understood why people think all Black people are alike. Are all White people alike? No! Enough Said.


message 12: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments Amen Danielle


message 13: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments On a lighter note, I find it very cute when my fiance asks me & my family questions about black people that he'd be hesitant to ask a stranger. Like "Why do you use vaseline?" or "How come you have to oil your hair?". He has become very knowledgeable about a black woman's feminine hygiene & hair care since we moved in together.


message 14: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments He has become very knowledgeable about a black woman's feminine hygiene & hair care since we moved in together.

This is a good thing? LOL!

My hubby is like "TMI" LOL!

I kinda agree, I like to keep some things a mystery, be you black or white. Know what I mean?


message 15: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments Yeah I know what you mean. If you can believe it, he actually WANTS to know those things. He's fascinated. Everytime I go to the beauty shop to get my hair done he wants to tag along. Says it's practice for when we have our own curly-haired kids.


message 16: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
Yes, please school him in doing the hair. I cannot stand kids running around with their hair all over their heads. Drives me crazy!


message 17: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments LethalLovely wrote: "Yeah I know what you mean. If you can believe it, he actually WANTS to know those things. He's fascinated. Everytime I go to the beauty shop to get my hair done he wants to tag along. Says it's pra..."

Awwwww


message 18: by Stacy-Deanne (new)

Stacy-Deanne Stacy-Deanne (wwwgoodreadscomstacydeanne) Stephanie you've been everywhere, LOL! I'd love to travel like that some day. Wow! You go, girl! I always wanted to either live or visit England. I think British men are SO HOT!!!!!! Hugh Grant anyone? LOL!

About the hair issue, that's why I like the white guys who know about why we do our hair a certain way or that. It just makes me more comfortable, but then again, black men are the same way too. I see brothas always asking, "How they do that?" and "How they put the hair in?" LOL! Can you believe that some black men who have lived around black women all their lives don't even know some of the things black women do to their hair? It reminds me of that Regina King article on the other thread. She said when it gets down to men, they don't care what we do! They want you to look good but they don't even notice the hard work it takes or they think it's easy. That's why women need to just look good for themselves, not men.

I guess to be fair, the hair thing can be men of all colors. But I've lucked out because the white guys I've hung around with were guys who've been dating blacks from the getgo. So they already know what's up. I knew this one white dude, we were talking about hairstyles one day, he knew how to put tracks in! I said, "Ooh what black woman you been dating?" LOL! He laughed and said, "Many". He knew what was up on that hair. Could probably teach a brotha a thing or two.

That's another complaint I got about most black men. They don't compliment you or nothing. Is it just me or have you guys noticed this? White guys will tell you how nice you look and that your clothes are nice. A black dude won't even notice. Or if he notices he doesn't say anything. Don't mean to lump all black guys together but the last black guy I dated, I had to PULL his tongue out his mouth to get him to say I looked good. He said, "You know you fine so why I gotta tell you?" I said, "Thanks but I wanna hear it from you sometimes!" I used to always compliment him, LOL! Even when he looked to' up from the flo' up and had sleep all over his face and breath kicking to high heaven, I still said he looked good, LOL!

But it's like you gotta beg a black man to say you look good.

Best Wishes!

http://www.stacy-deanne.net


message 19: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie Williams | 128 comments Stacy-Deanne wrote: "Stephanie you've been everywhere, LOL! I'd love to travel like that some day. Wow! You go, girl! I always wanted to either live or visit England. I think British men are SO HOT!!!!!! Hugh Grant any..."

I wanted to hit every continent before age 40. So in 1998 I hit my last continent - Antartica! We when on the first Ice Breaker ship that was taking passengers. It was sooooo cool!


message 20: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments I've noticed the lack of compliments from black men too, Stacy-Deanne. Just from my experience, I've noticed that black guys tend to be more sexual compliment-wise. Other ethnicities will compliment me on my hair/clothes/looks/personality while a black guy will say "Damn you've gotta nice ass" or "Oh your so thick/curvy/your body is hot". Makes me feel like they're just interest in my physically, not who I am inside. I know some women enjoy that but it makes me like a piece of meat.


message 21: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 7314 comments Mod
That's really exciting that you've been to Antarctica, Stephanie. I always wanted to go there.


message 22: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6611 comments Mod
LethalLovely, you are not a lone. I can't stand a man to stare at my body, I don't care what race he is.

I am not my body. My body can't speak for who I am. That's a big turn off to me.


message 23: by Desperado (last edited May 11, 2010 05:57PM) (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments Arch wrote: "LethalLovely, you are not a lone. I can't stand a man to stare at my body, I don't care what race he is.

I am not my body. My body can't speak for who I am. That's a big turn off to me."


Exactly. I concur. In a way, I don't blame the young black men I know/have met who think that's the way to a woman's heart. Alot of young black women (imo) give off that vibe & make it seem ok to treat you like that. They walk around with their asses hanging all out & their boobs ready to poke people in the eyes, showing their assets for all to see & some black men feel like if your showing it to them, why not comment? And then the men sometimes get to where they think all women like being talked like that so they'll say "oh girl you gotta nice bubble butt" even if your not showing it off or trying to get the wrong attention. I'm not saying its right by any means, but if you dress like a ho, don't get shocked when a man treats/talks to you like one. You get what you give. Again, this is just my opinion. Doesn't make it true or false.


message 24: by new_user (new)

new_user LethalLovely wrote: "Yeah I know what you mean. If you can believe it, he actually WANTS to know those things. He's fascinated. Everytime I go to the beauty shop to get my hair done he wants to tag along. Says it's pra..."

That's so sweet, LL!


message 25: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments Aww thank you NU. Eugenia, I'm sure alot of women get those comments from different races. As I previously stated, I'm just speaking from my own experiences & I've never had a man from any race but african-american come up to me & comment on my breast/butt/thighs et cetera.


message 26: by Davina (last edited May 12, 2010 12:22PM) (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments Stephanie wrote: "Hey Stacy!

This cracked me up, but I know what you mean from other people that date “white folks” LOL.

The reason I said that, that way is because I have always dated foreign men or second ge..."



I so agree. I lived in Norway for 10 years and in that time I visited Iceland and a lot of the surrounding countries, including Svalbard (Spitsbergen I think it's called in English...? Don't remember) with a lot of oil barons from the American ex pat community. Many of my husband's colleagues were black engineers who reported much of the same experiences you did. And I've seen it myself too. Some of these people rarely, if ever, leave their countries and when they do they go only to places where there are other white people. For eg many Scandinavians like to travel to the south (mostly to the small islands off the southern tip of Spain) and I was shocked to discover that when they go there they check into a hotel that is most likely to be owned by a fellow Scandinavian or caters solely to Scandinavians, they read Scandinavian newspapers and hardly venture outside of the Scandinavian colony (as my husband and I used to joke about it) where there's a chance for them to see people of other races so yes, for them it is an odd blend of ignorance, curiousity and innocense. Well, some, but certainly not all and I even wouldn't say most. There are many fake Europeans too who only act ignorant just to see what liberties they can take with a black person.

However, after travelling / living in Europe for a while and then coming back to the US and seeing how the IR issues are handled here it all seem so backward and primitive. I really do think every American should make an effort to travel outside this country, even educated people because you can't learn everything from a book. The picture of gradeur that we're taught to have of this country is illusion. America is good, but many places are better. While I do think black Europeans can use a little more racial pride and while Europeans will look, wonder and talk about IR couples at their dinner tables, there isn't this deep divide as we see in America. It isn't that big of a deal and that's an aspect of (western) European society that I really appreciate.


message 27: by Yolonda (new)

Yolonda | 406 comments I have a sister-in-law (divorced from my brother) who is still very close to my family. She's my best friend actually. She has never dated anything other than black men, but for the first time is showing an interest in expanding her horizons.

I told her that it was about time considering all of the white and latino men that she shot down over the years. She regrets that now, but I guess she just wasn't ready at the time.


message 28: by Desperado (new)

Desperado (lethallovely) | 76 comments I realize that Eugenia & I'm sorry if I inadvertently came off as defensive.


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