LARGEST GROUP ON GOODREADS!!!!!!!!!! discussion

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message 1: by John (new)

John Dreamer | 1 comments Hey my name is John and I was wondering if you guys could comment on my poetry. Maybe give me some constructive criticism. Thanks =)

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/6...


message 3: by Christa (is on top of the world!) (last edited Mar 15, 2010 08:41AM) (new)

Christa (is on top of the world!) (obsesedwbooks) | 2 comments hey I liked your poems john. commented on all three.
I know this may seem rude, but would anyone mind taking a look at mine?

Spilled coffee upon the wooden planks of the deck,
which is attached to a light grey house,
in the northern woods of my home state.
A Monarch butterfly lands upon the puddle,
And begins to sip.
Its, orange and black, wings
Flutter ever so smoothly,
Flapping in and out,
Out and in,
In a calming way
Undisturbed,
Focused
In a way that
Others of my own kind
Seem to never be.


♥♫♥BaybeeGrrl !RawЯ!♥♫♥ Oh Its Beautiful I Luv It


xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments How do I smile still?
How do I laugh still?
Who is he?
Why does he help me?
Please don't leave me.
How do i still smile?
Still know how to laugh?
It's a foreign sound.
Something I had forgotten.
Thank you.
Thank you.


♥♫♥BaybeeGrrl !RawЯ!♥♫♥ Haha Nice U Come Up With It?


message 9: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) o.O Emo...


message 10: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments Yeah. I write poetry for my rp people...


message 12: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments i have others...


message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

Can someone comment on my poetry?

Once a girl
So lonely
So beaten down

She gave up
Beat self up
Threw heart to the ground

No smiles
No laughter
Just torture and pain

But while she
Had suffered
There wasn't nothing gained

She learned that in life
The pain isn't that bad
Better than throwing on
The fake smile she had

Would you let her walk down the streets
With a heart full of guilt?
Would you let her see your face
And know it caused her pain?
You do know
She's singin',
Singin' that tune
That you and her wrote
But she sings it,
By herself...

So she walks the streets
In the hard, smacking hail
As it beat her down, slowly,
Life's treacherous mail.

She went on
In deep pain
And kept it inside

Soon an angel
By her side,
She no longer felt to hide.

Would you let her walk down the streets
With a heart full of guilt?
Would you let her see your face
And know it caused her pain?
You do know
She's singin',
Singin' that tune
That you and her wrote
But she sings it,
By herself...

But that tune
Is soon to die
Soon she will
Scream and cry
Fit of madness,
Fit of memories,
Are not fit for this
Unfit being

Life hands us it's candy
Throwing us demanding-mandings
She sings that tune,
She's singin' that tune...

Would you let her walk down the streets
With a heart full of guilt?
Would you let her see your face
And know it caused her pain?
Would you let her walk down the streets
With a heart made of glass
Porcelain skin that's just breaking
Down the crack
She's dying inside I'm surprised
You haven't got to work,
But darling, be careful,
To not make her hurt...
Would you let her walk down the streets
With a heart full of guilt?
Would you let her see your face
And know it caused her pain?
You do know
She's singin',
Singin' that tune
That you and her wrote
But she sings it,
By herself...
Would you let her walk down the streets
Heart full of glass?
Would you take your time, avoid her eyes
As you slowly passed?
Would you turn around and hug that girl
Never letting go?
Would you let her scream in the night
Because she loved you so?


message 15: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) Too many grammatical errors. *did not read*


message 16: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments *read most*
aww! I <3 it!
(agrees with Grammar Nazi)


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

I know.


message 18: by Madhins (new)

Madhins   | 22 comments Sky wrote: "Can someone comment on my poetry?

Once a girl
So lonely
So beaten down

She gave up
Beat self up
Threw heart to the ground

No smiles
No laughter
Just torture and pain

But while she
Had suffered
..."


That is awesome!


message 19: by Madhins (new)

Madhins   | 22 comments Your Friendly Neighborhood Grammar Nazi wrote: "Too many grammatical errors. *did not read*"

Yeah, but still it's poetry.


message 20: by Madhins (new)

Madhins   | 22 comments Falling Tears:

It dropped from many memories,
it fell with such relief.
One by one, it dropped,
elapsed within you grief.

Losing all you faith to hold
it dropped down from the sun.

The cries were heard, and brought to flames,
which burned that scar beneath your skin
and left you soul ashamed.

Light had disappeared, darkness fed the sky...
A mind so unforgiving, Its light so
confined.

And so just a single drop,
a tear from many rains
Cleaned the grounds, but flooded with you
un-inspiring
rage.


message 21: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments awesome:D


message 22: by [deleted user] (new)

You've claimed the clouds, you've claimed the sky.
You've even made your friends turn a few lies.
You've made a fool out of every one you knew
Yet now the blame has been placed on me.

You've torn my heart, torn it to two
And yet you couldn't care less.
I stood there, till the bitter end.
But you never did confess.

And so, as a result to your selfishness.
I pay the price, I pay the fine.
Dearest, sir. I hope you die.
You were nothing like a friend.

So let's make this clear, please understand
That I am unable to recover from that fall.
I can move on, yes, and never look back.
But nothing changes at all.

So, to those out there that are reading
I wonder what it is you're feeling.
And if you, you stupid reason of a person
is reading this too.

I have done nothing, but be a good friend to you.


♥♫♥BaybeeGrrl !RawЯ!♥♫♥ They r all Good


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

:P


♥♫♥BaybeeGrrl !RawЯ!♥♫♥ ur a good poet


message 26: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) mαª∂нîη§ - тнε ஐтяαηgє ♠ wrote: "Your Friendly Neighborhood Grammar Nazi wrote: "Too many grammatical errors. *did not read*"

Yeah, but still it's poetry."


I never said it wasn't.

This is why I can't listen to Rap Music...


message 27: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments soo sad!!

@Nazi: yeah..
*doesn't like rap anyway*


message 28: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments a short, sad haiku:
Why am I here, please..
Tell me, why do I matter?
Why do I live here?


message 29: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) I hate it because you can hardly understand what they're saying. They also leave off half of a word! "What? Wait, what did he say?"


message 30: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) xXDAUGHTER of POSEIDON♠ISQ♠Xx wrote: "a short, sad haiku:
Why am I here, please..
Tell me, why do I matter?
Why do I live here?"


What's with all the Emo poems? Do you guys seriously hate life?


message 31: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments sorry... and kinda....

another sad one:
If I were to escape
Would anyone care?
I don't matter
I'm not important
Only a burden.
A bad friend.
It would be easier,
So much easier,
If I wasn't here.


message 32: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) Okay, I'm leaving this thread. You guys need help. Not to be insulting - but I'm DEAD serious.


message 33: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments thanks, Nazi.


message 34: by [deleted user] (new)

I realii love these......


message 35: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments thanks...


******☠Ŗąνĕŋ☠****** (DeathIsAMelody) | 329 comments A Poem Of Pizza

PIZZA PIZZA PIZZA!
I WANT PIZZA!
PIZZA! PIZZA!


message 37: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) You're missing a syllable in the last line.


message 38: by Madhins (last edited Apr 18, 2010 05:11PM) (new)

Madhins   | 22 comments Your Friendly Neighborhood Grammar Nazi wrote: "xXDAUGHTER of POSEIDON♠ISQ♠Xx wrote: "a short, sad haiku:
Why am I here, please..
Tell me, why do I matter?
Why do I live here?"

What's with all the Emo poems? Do you guys seriously hate life?"


Well your strong emotional feelings are a good way to express in poetry.


message 39: by Madhins (new)

Madhins   | 22 comments Your Friendly Neighborhood Grammar Nazi wrote: "Okay, I'm leaving this thread. You guys need help. Not to be insulting - but I'm DEAD serious."

...


message 40: by [deleted user] (new)

mαª∂нîη§ - тнε ஐтяαηgє ♠ wrote: "Your Friendly Neighborhood Grammar Nazi wrote: "Okay, I'm leaving this thread. You guys need help. Not to be insulting - but I'm DEAD serious."

haha u just figured tht out...



message 41: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) No. I just barely joined...


message 42: by [deleted user] (last edited Apr 18, 2010 06:00PM) (new)

oh.... well ur super weird.......... the grammer dosent matter its the expression of feeling...


message 43: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments mmhmm


message 44: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) It matters to me. And must you insult me?


message 45: by xXRossiya AruXx (last edited Apr 18, 2010 06:04PM) (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments please don't argue....


message 46: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) She started it... >.>


message 47: by xXRossiya AruXx (new)

xXRossiya AruXx (biggestanimegeek) | 97 comments That isn't a real reason.


message 48: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) I wasn't arguing! SHE STARTED IT!


message 49: by Keara (new)

Keara (kearachristine) dO i aCt Lyk i kAir?? wrote: "oh.... well ur super weird.......... the grammer dosent matter its the expression of feeling..."

Right there.


message 50: by [deleted user] (new)

wateva... ima not gonna waste mii tym tryin to convince you...


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