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Chit Chat > trying to be healthy

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message 1: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Mar 04, 2010 07:55AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Again, I am re-posting something from my book group, that I feel is appropriate here. This was not a decision that I took lightly, but it does reflect what I have been saying in other posts that you can be big, but healthy. I re-posted this here so that I have a launch point for when I begin the program sometime this month. (I am still waiting for the phone call. They had a LOT of response to this.)

The Cleveland Clinic has issued a program called GO FIT! as a challenge to the area to become healthy. They are offering a 3 month membership to Curves or to the Y. Anyone over 18 qualifies as long as you live in the participating counties, and don't already belong to either place or did in the last 90 days.

My best friend Karen said that she's going to do it and that if I want to, she'll do it with me. I registered on-line yesterday. Now I have to decide where I am going to go.

For those of you who don't know, I am a large person. I am over 300 lbs. I am in good heath, and I have been trying to make changes for the last few years. I have been out of work for 3 years, so joining my local rec. center has been out of the question. I have said that when I have the money, I don't have the time, and when I have the time, I don't have the money. Now, I have no excuse.

I'm scared. I am afraid of humiliating myself like I used to in gym class. I am scared that if I don't do this now, I will never get started. I am scared that I will become a different person and I don't now how to be anybody but the "fat kid". I know that I will not be model thin (who wants that!) but that I can be healthier......I'm scared I will fail. I'm scared that I will not lose any weight, that I will not make a dent in this mass of what ever I am and that I will always be this massive lump that is destined to be the thing that people stare and giggle at when I go out. I'm scared that I will let my friend down, that I will let down my boyfriend, my friends , my family and my self if I don't mange to do anything....I need support, I need help, and I hope you all will hear me out when I need to vent about this process and cheer with me when I do well.

I'm scared, but I'm ready.

message 2: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I am going in for my assesment on Thursday so fingers crossed.....

message 3: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Mar 19, 2010 07:47AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Well, I went for my evaluation yesterday, and I was very humilliated. Now, I would like to note that the staff handled this well. I held it together until I got home, and I did mangage NOT to stress eat over it. It was a small group, I'd say less than 15 or so, and we were told about the programs we may partake in, what fees, if any, applied and what is expected of us in the next 3 months.

It is required to work out a minimum of 3 days/week, but there is no time limit minimum or otherwise that each workout must last, we must weigh our selves 1x's/week and fill out a sheet. 1x's a month, they will re-asses us.

Here comes the humilliating part. I have no delusions about my size. The scales at the doctors office do not register anything above 350 lbs. So does the scale at the Y. We were weighed in front of everybody. No numbers were mentioned aloud or anything, but there I am, standing in front of all these people, and I can't get on the scale because I am too big for it, and everyone knew why. Then, we had to have our hips and waist measured(which will be used once a month to track progress)in seperate room. Her measuring tape almost wasn't long enought to go around me.

I know that some would say, "Well, does this tell you anything?" Again, I have no delusions of my size. I live with it every day. I have to deal with seats that are too small, turnstiles I can't or have trouble fitting through, too samll bathroom stalls, and other things most people take for granted as being the "right size". This is not a set back, and I fully intend to go through with this. I hope that by the end of these 3 months, I will be able to get on that scale and have it work.

message 4: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Mar 20, 2010 07:53AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I will be going for my first set of workouts next week. I am scared, I am not ready, I don't want to do this. I have lost my gung-ho! attitude that I had several months ago when I signed up for this mess. What that means is that now I HAVE to do this. I have said in the past, and it has been true at the times it was said, that when I have the money, I don't have the time, and when I have the time, I don't have the money. If I don't do this now, what's my excuse?

I am comfortable with who I am,or am I just too afraid to change? My identity has always been "the fat girl"....what happens when I'm not her any more? I know I am never going to be "thin", but if I lose even 10 lbs., will I be the same person?

My boyfriend says I will, that my size doesn't dictate the person I am, but what if my size has influenced who I am, the person I became....what if....

No, not today. Today, I am who I am. Period. End of sentence. I will always be who I am, and whatever outside version of me is there, I am not going to change. I will be a healthier version, but I will still be me.


message 5: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited May 06, 2013 07:45AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Trying to eat healthy is not easy, especially when you, like me, have developed bad eating habiits formed over the last how many years of your life for whatever reason (emotioanal, afordability, etc.) and they are HARD to break!

I have found that you can have what you want, you just have to make better choices when at home. Like use whole grain buns and bread for sandwhiches, use vieggie based or whole wheat torillias, use reduced fat (not fat free, they increase sugar and salt to preserve flavor) products, and making a better effort to get more fruits and veggies in your daily intake.

Remember, 1/2 c is a serving of fruit or veggies and 1 8 oz. glass of 100% juice counts as 2, but it is high in natural sugars, so what I do is drink 4 oz with my morning meds (thyroid, blood pressure, and glucoseamine) and then have 4 more oz later in the day, when I am more likely to burn off the sugar. 1 medium apple is about 1/2 a cup, or one bananna....see not too hard.

Yes, I still will give in and have a doughnut, but only 1. I have found if I deny myself something, that is when I most likely to eat an entire bag of what I said I can't have, vs. letting myself have 1. I have also found that if I know something like a bithday party or holliday celebration is comming up, I try to really watch it all week, and then I give myself permission to eat what and how much I like at that time. I have found that I do not over eat, or make really bad choices, because I am not making forbidden food more tempting.

message 6: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Mar 24, 2010 09:33AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
So, my lack of motivational rear-end got on a cross trainer today for the first attempt at a work out. I managed to do about 6 1/2 minutes before I got dizzy because it got away from me. I then did 2 on a bike, but I got dizzier, so I think that maybe I should have rested a little in between. I am very proud of myself. I walked in there terified. Terified of what the machines would be like, what I would be able to do, afraid that I would fall off, fall flat on my face, break the machine, or my leg....but none of that happened. I met 2 very nice ladies today and manged to sweat a little. How very cool.

Yes, today for the first time in a long time, I am proud of myself. I will still be proud tomorrow, and hopefully by the end of the next 3 months, I will get up to 30 minutes total, but for today, 8 1/2, is pretty darn good.

message 7: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Yesterday, I took a water Tai Chi class. I loved it. I got there early and open lap swim was going on, so I was allowed to get in the pool early, so I did 4 1/2 laps and some streching. My class was an hour so I manage 1 hour and 20 minutes!:) I am the youngest in my class, too. There are 3 ladies and our instructor is a very nice man. All of them are very experienced at living life. I can't wait to go back on Wednesday. (The class is Wed. and Fri.)

I am looking into a few other water classes since they will offer me a no-impact workout, which is important to me at this time. I am thinking about the arthritis class since it should go at a more sedate pace, which is also something I need.

I am so proud of myself!

message 8: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I have survived a 45 minute work out today. I took a Silver Sneaker Class hoping it would fit my comfort level. I had trouble keeping up! I had 80 year olds running circles around me! (Not literally.) It meets 2 day a week and is normally an hour, but I think I will stick with 1 for now, and keep up with my Tai Chi and do laps before class.

message 9: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I went to Tai Chi both Wednesday and yesterday (Friday). On Wed. I managed to get in about 6 full laps before class (we were running a little later than I would have liked) and I got in 14 full laps and a series of stretches before class yesterday. Now, I just have to figure out what to do at least 1 more day/week to meet my minimum visit limit. I'm thinking walking on a treadmill

message 10: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Apr 07, 2010 01:25PM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Well, today was my first weekly assesment, which means I fill out an information sheet and go weigh myself, which was pointless (yes, I tried) because after only 1 week, I'm still to big for the scale. One of the questions was how many minutes did you work out this week and I figured it to be about 150! That's 2 1 hour Tai Chi classes, 40 minutes of swimming laps before those two classes combined, and the walk I took yesterday.

I went yesterday, in the morning, to try my luck on a treadmill. Afetr getting changed, I found out the cardio room was closed due to the roof work being done. So, I had a doctor's appointment in the afternoon, so I couldn't go back later in the day. I went to the library, then since I had time to kill, I went to a local park and walked there for 10 minutes along the lake. I figured to get 10 minutes on the treadmill, so I just transfered my walking to outside, and the best part is I still met my 3 visits for the week at the Y as well.

I went to Tai Chi today and our instructor was ill, so 2 of the ladies who have been in the class from the beginning, led it today and while it was different, it was still good.

Side note to the doctors vist: I do not have to go back until July and since my blood work was good in November, I don't have to have any more until after my July visit. Best part? My blood pressure was 133 over 83. Normaly it's 140 over 60. Tai Chi is paying off!

message 11: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Apr 20, 2010 07:32AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did 15 minutes on the treadmill yesterday, which meant I walked a little over a 1/4 mile! I am VERY proud of myself!

message 12: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I walked 10 minutes for 1/4 mile on the next day, and swam 1/4 mile yesterday! I am very proud of myself!

message 13: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did it again yesteday! Yes, you read that correctly, I swam another 1/4 mile yesterday before my Tai Chi class.

message 14: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I swam a 1/4 mile again yesterday, in a little under a 1/2 hour. I will mark 1 month in the program on Friday. I am making cookies today to take to the staff tomorrow. I understand that they will be appreciated.

message 15: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I swam another 1/4 mile yesterday, for which I am proud. Yesterday also marked my first month in the program and my first assessment. While my numbers have not measurably changed, my mental and emotional states have dramatically. I am VERY happy with my progress, since this is primarily a mental battle for me, and physical second. We will see next month what happens.

This month, I am going to try the weight machines, since I was told by my doctor to hold off on those until after my first month, which I think was sound advice

message 16: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I am going to try either weights or treadmill today. I will see how crowded the room is when I get there. I have decided that my goal is at least 5 reps. on which ever machines I try today, or at least 10 minutes on the treadmill. I have manged 15 minutes, but that may have been a fluke. I know I need to push myself beyond my comfort zone or all of this will be for naught, but I also know pushing too hard will result in me getting hurt, which is a whole world of not good.

I figure if I can get in 2 more minutes on the treadmill or 2 more lengths in the pool each time, the next thing I know, I will be doing 30 minutes or a 1/2 mile. For me slow is better, and I know this is going to be a long process. I didn't gain all of this exta weight in a day, and I also know that not all of it will ever come off, which is fine with me. I am comfortable being me, what ever size I am, but I would like to be healthier version of me.

message 17: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I lasted 10 minutes on the treadmill Tuesday, and yesterday I had to miss my Tai Chi class because something I ate decided to have a bad attitude and wage a small war on me. I am fine today, so I am going to go to the open lap swim this afternoon to make up for yesterday and go to Tai Chi tomorrow as usual.

message 18: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I SWAM A 1/2 MILE YESTERDAY! Tired but proud.

message 19: by Narzain (new)

Narzain | 194 comments As well you should be. I'm proud of you too!

message 20: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Today, I wanted to cry. I decided to try the weight machines and see how many reps I could do. Well, the only machine I can use comfortably is the pully. The seats on the rest of them are too small for me to sit on comfortably or properly. I do not see this as a set back, but as an activity I am not able to do now, but in time, will be able to do. I will stick to swimming and the treadmill for now and I will keep trying the machines off and on to see if I fit.

message 21: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Well, yesterday I attempted to do another 1/2 mile in the pool. I was thwarted by my own bladder and a wet swimsuit. After completing lenght 32 (it takes 44 lengths or 22 laps if you prefer, to make a 1/2 mile in the pool), I really had to PEE! so I went to the locker room to use the restroom. I got out of my wet bathing suit just fine. Getting back into it, well I got trapped by my straps and had to have help from some nice person who was trying to take a shower get me unstuck. So, when that was all over, I had about less than 10 minutes before my Tai Chi class was about to start, so I will try again soon and pray that there is somebody else in the locker room should I have to pee while swimming....

message 22: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I am going to work out today, as I had to miss Friday due to watching of my bestfriends youngest (not complaining, she pays me well, and I need the money.) Last week I managed 5 minutes on the treadmill, but I was trying a steeper incline and a faster speed. I felt like George Jettson (Jane! Stop this crazy thing!) while doing that, so I think that I will stick to the speed and incline I have been using a little while longer.

message 23: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did not do the treadmill yesterday. I decided that I refuse to let a machine dictate what I can and cannot do,so I gave the weight machines another try. I did shoulder pressed, the pulleys, the rowing machine and the chest press (which is hard to do when you are a C-cup or larger). I did well. I did about 3-4 sets of 10 reps. on each machine and lifted 25-40 lbs. (depending on the machine) I am not sore today and I feel that this will also help me in the pool, which I am headed for today and Tai Chi after laps.

Proud of myself does not begin to cover it.

message 24: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Yesterday posed a VERY VERY HARD DAY for me, and I must say was probably one of the worst days of my life. I went to the Y to do my 1/4 mile and Tai Chi as usual. The pool, which is only 5 lanes wide, already had 3 people in it, so I was in the lane nearest the left wall. There was a gentleman next to me whom I have see before, doing laps. He was not quite in a lane and kind of in mine as well. I tried to time my laps so that we wouldn't be in each others way. On length 18, I brushed him by accident. Really, it was just a brush, but is was enough to startle him and he went under. In seconds it was over, the life guard had him out and on the side of the pool. He was fine and everyone kept telling me that it wasn't my fault and that I had done nothing wrong. He is a weak swimmer and should have had on a float vest (which they have) but I am now spooked. I then found out on my way out later on, that the Y does not give 100% scholarships, and that I will have to pay something even though I am not able to pay anything right now. I found this out AFTER I turned in the application. I have to wait for a review and see if I get approved and what he final cost will be, but there is a good chance that I will not be able to continue after the end of June when the free program I am in ends.

Maybe this is karmic payback for almost drowning that guy....I don't know. All I know is that I have been in tears since yesterday thinking I may have to leave...sorry I can't finish this thought, I'm tearing up again.

message 25: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Today, I am going back to the Y to swim laps and take my class. I am a little nervous to be getting back into the pool, but I am determined not to let what happened keep me from doing what I need (and want) to do. Please keep a good thought for me.

message 26: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I got in and did my 1/4 mile. Thankfully, the pool was empty when I started and only 2 other people got in while was swimming, so I felt more confident. Now, I my anxiety lies with waiting to hear about the scholarship help. I won't hear anything until next month since they review them the 1st and 3rd Tuesday of the month and I turned it in last Friday.

I have a question to all of you who work out/exercise, no matter what level you are. Do you find yourself STARVING when you get home? Or is it just me being the class weirdo again?

message 27: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did a 1/2 mile on Friday, so I am plugging along.

message 28: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I almost did a 1/4 mile yesterday. I don't know it was the unseasonal humidity, the garky day, or just me, but I had trouble mustering up the motivation to do anything yesterday let alone exercise. I did what I could, but I ran out of time before class started. I'll try to get there ever earlier tomorrow and try for a 1/2 mile to make up for it.

message 29: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did a 1/2 mile and 2 extra laps yesterday.

message 30: by Narzain (new)

Narzain | 194 comments Woot!!!

I know I already said this in person, but you rock!

message 31: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I swam 1/2 mile yesterday since I will not be able to swim tomorrow. On Tuesday I did what weight machines I can and today I plan on the same.

message 32: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I figure by now, most of you are tired of hearing from me and about my exercise journey. If so, then you all may not have much longer to put up with me and this post. I still have not heard anything regarding my scholarship application, and I have a sinking feeling that it was not even looked at(even though I asked what they would need instead of the requested information since I don't have a W-2 since I am not working) and provided that information instead. I submitted it in time for the monthly deadline, and June 30 is runnning up on us soon.

With out the scholarship, my journey will end. Maybe that is the best thing for me. While I have been able to be proud of myself, I have begun to think that this maybe the best for me, to walk away, say I tried, and just go off and be quiet. I am used to not getting what I want. It goes with the plus-sized territory I have lived in all of my life. When you are a larger person, you get used to not being able to do or have many things.

I do not think I have lost much, if any weight, since there are no scales that can accomodate me nearby. Physically, I feel no different. Emotionaly and mentaly, I have improved. I want to stay. I actually look forward to exercise for crying out loud! That's a first. I have decided that if I get to stay, I am going to swim 1 mile by the end of the year.....but I may have to give that up.

I want to stay...but what I want and what I am prepared to have happen are 2 vastly different things.

This may be one of my last posts on this subject. I hope it's not and that I can continue to have your support and hopefully keep inspiring those who need it. Please keep my scholarship in your prayers. Who knows, you might help make a miracle.

message 33: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I GOT MY SCHOLARSHIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

message 34: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Today, after I deliver birthday cup cakes to Carlton the desk clerk, I will be making my membership official. I'm excited to be able to continue on and keep plugging away at this. I know I am not,nor am I trying to, be thin or lose vast amounts of weight. I am just trying to be a healthier version of myself, what ever that version looks like.

message 35: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Next week, I am making Coconut Brownies for Josh (another desk clerk) and for the director of the facility, who have birthdays next Friday and Saturday. Josh said that they will have to do something for me soon and he wrote down my birthday. Carlton was VERY happy with his treat, and I rendered him speechless, which is no small feat.

I am restricted to only Tai Chi this week since the Summer Camp kids are being allowed to use the poo during the normal adult lap. Next week, the pursuit of a mile begins.

message 36: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Today is the final day of GoFit! and since I now have my scholarship, tomorrow I will be going as a member of the Y. Today, I plan on swimming a 1/2 mile if I can, to make up for not being able to swim last week. I hope to be able to do this again on Friday.

I know that the program ending should not really affect me now that I have the membership, but it is. I am not sad that it is ending, but I guess I am a little gratefull for it all the same. This program, of which I was terrified to sign up for, has allowed me to find out what I am made of, what I am capeable of, and that I am not what I thought I was. I have learned that I can succeed when I thougt I was destined to fail. I have learned that I am better than the sum of my parts, and that I am better than any gym class I survived in school.

I was terrified of this program, not because I thought I would fail (I am always prepared for that) but because of old nightmares from gym classes past, where I did my best, but was always the slow fat kid, several paces behind everyone else. I dreaded exercise because I feel tired and worn out when I'm done, not exhillarated like others get. Thanks to my Aqua Tai Chi class and lap swim, I do feel better after than when I walked in the door.

I am not done on this journey, and I plan on keeping up this blog about how I am doing. I still plan on at least 3 days per week like I have been doing, and I still hope to swim a mile before Christmas. Thank you all for being there for me these last 3 months. Your support and encouragement helped me keep my chin up and my head up high. For those of you who are starting out, start slow, keep a steady pace, and know that I am rooting for you.

message 37: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Jul 08, 2010 08:19AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Since the Y has a sports camp in the summer, the kids get to use the pool from 1-2, which is the hour before my class. I haven't been able to swim for 2 weeks. If there are no kids for that weeks camp, the pool is then open for the full 2 hours it normaly is.

Yesterday, I did 50 lengths. That is a half mile plus 3 extra laps for those of you who speak lap. The most I have done has been 48 lengths. I felt like I could do more, but thought better of it, and by the time Tai Chi was over, I was glad I did not push. To top it all off, I did a 1/4 mile in 15 minutes, and the entire 1/2 mile in 40. That is 5 minutes off of both! Not bad for someone who wasn't able to swim for 2 weeks, huh?

message 38: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Jul 10, 2010 07:27AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I just came from my doctors appointment and I couldn't wait to go to the library tomorrow and post then, so I stopped by on my way home.



I don't know my starting weight,but the scale only goes up to 350, so even with room for error, I have still lost weight!

(I also have tennis elbow (!) and I don't play tennis, but I have a wrap brace and it will go away on it's own.)


I know that this may sound like a strange way to react to weight loss if I say I am comfortable with who I am. I still am comfortable with myself, weight loss or no. I did not start this program inorder to loose weight. I started it to be healthy. If weight drops off, then I feel it is meant to be, but it is not my goal. If I don't loose anymore, that's fine too. Mostly, I am just flabergasted that I lost any at all.

message 39: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
In an odd way I am proud on myself. Yesterday, I only did 6 lengths (3 laps), and did my Tai Chi class. Now, for those of you who are paying attention, that is nowhere near what I normally do, so why proud of myself? I was sick as a dog Sunday and Monday, and was not feeling very normal Tuesday. Yesterday, I woke up tired. I don't know if it was hangover from the weekend or what, but I didn't want to do anything, including read (although I had gawdawful book I was trying to finish may have had something to do with that). Here is why I am proud: I went to the Y anyway. I got in the pool and swam a little and still did my class. Even though I no longer restricted by time (remember I HAD to go so many times a month/week under the program), I still went.

I am feeling much better today and hope to do at least a 1/2 mile tomorrow.

message 40: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Jul 29, 2010 07:55AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did mange my 1/2 mile after all last Friday and yesterday, I thought I would only have time for a 1/4 mile, but I surprised myself and did a 1/2 mile. In get this, 38 minutes!

message 41: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Aug 03, 2010 08:02AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I didn't know where to put this as it is not a typical post.

I ended up in an Urgent Care on Sunday, and will not be able to work out this week, as I am just being able to walk normaly today.

On Friday, I swam a 1/2 mile (that makes 1 mile for the week, a first) and then left to go help some friends of mine who were getting ready for their vaction. Since their apartment does not have A/C, some of their electronics would be ruined when they come home, so I agreed to "babysit" them at my house. So, the 17 year old son packed my car with the tote and I didn't unpack it until Saturday morning. I had no idea how heavy it was until I went to unload it.

By Saturday evening, while at the boyfriends,I was in pain. Now,I come by this next thing honestly. My family has never been ones to pop a pill over a little discomfort, and my mother has a high pain tollerance. (Example, after having a hysterectomy to remove her cancer, she tried her best not to take the pain pills she was given on the principle that she would be fine. She eneded up taking them anyway, because we made her.) So, I was reluctant to take anything even though I was in tears due to the pain. I do not use the phrases "I want to go to the ER" or "Take me to Urgent Care". Keep this in mind.

I got up early Sunday morning to pee, and I came back to bed, and said to the boyfriend, "I want to go to the emergency room." He was ready to take me there and then, but I said, "Not now, in the morning." By 7 o'clock, we were in a debate of whether or not this was an emergency room worthy visit or if I should wait it out (I wanted to wait, because I didn't want to bother the nice people in the emergency room.) We agreed to the Urgent Care and if they said ER, then I would go.

Now mind you, I have no job and no insurance. The no/low cost clinic I go to has an agreement with 2 hosptitals that if I have to go to the ER, I must pay $60, and the rest may be "forgiven" under the agreement. (Any hospital that gets state and or federal funding, must help you, regardless of financial situation. They get money from the government to cover patients like this. If they refuse you, they can lose funding.)

So, Urgent Care it was. Run by another hospital group, this one has a self-pay option,and was willing to see me. My mom told me to put it on a credit card and she would pay the bill when it came, so I wasn't sweating that part. Fine.

I was quickly seen and a pee-in-the-cup test said that I did not have a UTI. The doctors best guess is that I pulled a groin muscle,an ovarian cyst may have burst, or a combination of the 2. A hernia was also considered, but my mom has had 2 of those and I did not show any symptoms of those.

So, all of this resulted in a doctors educated guess, a recomendation that if it did get worse to go the ER,and her telling me that they would tear up my bill since they didn't do anything.

I am feeling a little better,and it will be slow, but I also know that swimming or my class will only make it hurt worse.


My friends know nothing of this and won't for 2 weeks when they come home. I will be having them come to my house with the 17 year old to pick up the stuff.

message 42: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Well, today I am felling much better. I am able to walk normally and have little pain. It was a good thing the boyfriend had yesterday off (he gets 2 days per week) so he was there to rope me in and keep me from going to class (something I really WANTED to do) but it was not a good idea, as I was just this side of feeling normal yesterday.

I am going with the combination of the two problems since I have gone trough the cyst before and I think the muscle was a side casualty. To top off my week, I get to go for my T-dap tomorrow. This is the new combination shot for adults. It combines your tetanus booster with adult pertussis vaccine (that's Whooping Cough by the way.) I am deathly afraid of needles. My veins collapse easily,and it takes 6-8 sticks per arm to get a little sample, even when I was a kid this was the norm. (Understandable fear, wouldn't you say?) I'm a better off at the lab where they do this all day and can use a pediatric needle in the top of my hand to get what they need. [They once called a psych consult on me at my old doctors when I flipped out over a blood sample. ( I told them to give me the paperwork and let me go to the lab, but they wouldn't listen....):]

So, not one of my fave things here. Thankfully, the boyfriend can work a half day (his boss loves me,not to mention the cookies I send with him to work [she's his boss from his old job, so she's known me for a while now:] and is more than happy to let him be able to come with me tomorrow to hold me down. Literally.

I am so freaked about this, I would rather not do it, but I know getting the treatment for tetanus is worse than what I will go through tomorrow. I am so scared right now, I'm shaking.

Think of me at around 11:15 a.m. when you hear the scream echoing around the world.....

message 43: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Well, the shot went better than expected. I didn't even feel it. I have decided that this week I will only do my Tai Chi class and only swim on Friday depending on how I feel after class this tomorrow. I will keep it to a 1/4 mile or under as I am not sure how I will react to the stretching.

message 44: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Aug 19, 2010 07:38AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did not as a matter of fact, go to my class or swim last week as I was still having a few pains here and there.

I got back in the pool yesterday (8/18) and did 5 laps (10 lengths) and my Tai Chi class as well. I swam slowly and I did feel a few tinges during class. When those happened, I did not breathe in as deeply or reach as high as I normally do. I plan on going on Friday and doing it again! I am going to try for a quarter mile, but I will do what I can.

message 45: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did my 1/4 mile and my class on Friday. I was tired, but pleased. Starting today until September 7, the pool is closed for regular cleaning and repair. I plan on doing 2 days of strength training each week until I can go back to swimming, then it will be on to attempting a 3/4 mile be the middle of October. ( I will have to make up for not swimming during my injury)

message 46: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I was not able to swim last week or this one due to the previously mentioned repairs, so last week I went on my normal days to do strength training. I did 20 arm curls (normally I do 10 because I have trouble getting the seat exactly right for my height), 40 shoulder presses (20 at 50 lb. and 20 at 40 lb.), 20 rowing pulls (that's 20 for each of the 2 handles) at 62 lb., 30 chest presses at 25 lb. and 50 leg presses at 100 lb. On Friday, I also did about 50 ab crunches at 100 lb.

Yesterday, I did all that, but I did 100 ab crunches at 112.5 lb. and 80 leg presses at 100 lb. and 20 at 120 lb. That last one was a little much. My knees hurt today.

Next week, the pool reopens and so do my dreams of doing a mile by Christmas.

message 47: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Yesterday was my first chance to swim. After not being in the pool for 2 weeks I did....*drum roll please*.....

a 1/2 mile! The kid's still got it!

message 48: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (last edited Sep 13, 2010 08:21AM) (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I did a 1/4 mile on Friday, but, and I am NOT complaining, I was swimming with a much stronger and faster swimmer, so I had to be really vigilant to stay in my lane and not drift into the wall. (My prefered lane is near the far wall in case of this very thing, so if I drift, I don't drift into another person.) So, I felt like I had done a 1/2 mile when I was done.

This weekend I read the best self-help type of book EVER! It is: "Lessons from the Fat-o-sphere: Quit Dieting and Declare a Truce with Your Body"
by Kate Harding, Marianne Kirby.

Everyone who has ever had body image issues, is fat (and that is NOT a bad thing to be), or who is working through both, NEEDS to read this book.. The authors are fat acceptance bloggers who back up every thing in the book with hard science. I did not find this book to be overly eye-opening or shocking, but I did find it to be an affirmation of how I am trying to live my life and the philosophy behind my advocacy group, Perspective Plus (found here on goodreads only so far).

Did you know about HAES? It is a recognized idea that many doctors believe in. It simply states that you can be Healthy At Every Size. All you have to do is find a form of exercise activity that you like, and eat intuitively, which basically means eating when hungry and eating what your body is telling you it needs. NO calorie restrictions, NO forbidden foods (since food is morally ambiguous that makes sense), NO starving yourself, NO shame.

How simple is that? The book includes a list of on-line resourses as well as some books that may provide even more support.

I read this book, crying through most of it, because it hit home, especially Chapter 12, which is on dating.


message 49: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
I posted about this book on one of my other groups and got nailed to the wall about how wrong I am. She went on about how she has lived in Asia and Europe and that there are few obese people there. Their food is cleaner and fresher, blah blah, blah. She ranted on about how we do need to restrict calories and how our kids are getting bigger are an epidemic, then agreed with me about how I am changing with a healthy life style and that if I tell myself I am good, beautiful, etc, then I'll believe it.

I felt that she spoke in contradictions there a little bit.

Did you know that a BMI index cannot tell the difference between muscle and fat. People can have high BMI and still be very fit. Yes, you should not eat too much of certain foods, and yes you do need to exercise, blah, blah blah. I do not believe that this so called epidemic is the end of the world. It is hidden sugars in our food (remember, labels only have to list sugar not all of it's forms as nutritional content),so honey, molasses, corn syrup and anything ending in -ose is sugar.

Computers, and lack of recess and gym classes in school is a good chunk of why our kids are getting bigger. It used to be that the rich were fat. It was a sign of wealth. Now, the poor are fat instead because they cannot afford to get the healthy foods they need.

As for Asia and Europe (places with universal health care, and fewer fast food places on every corner,h-m-m, a connection perhaps?) The whole food dynamic is different there too. Mega-mart grocery stores are an American invention and are just starting as an idea in those places. Yes, portion control has gotten our of hand, but that is the fault of restaurants who want you to eat and parents who are too lazy/tired/overworked/etc. to cook at home. Since I work with kids, I have seen the parents who don't use kid sized plates when they do, so the kid are encouraged to eat more than they should.

We need to be more aware of what we eat and stand up to food processors who claim that their products would be too expensive it they didn't fill it with high fructose corn syrup and the like, and start giving our money to whole food markets, farmers markets, and road side stands. If the food industry sees we won't stand for it, things will change. As long as they can get you money, that's all they want.

We also need to see a change in advertising. Being fat (at it's basic definition) means one who is not thin. So, not a size 0, you're fat. We need to encourage self-esteem in our kids. Yes, encourage everyone to be healthy, but don't tell me I'm a wonderful person, then throw images in my face that say other wise. Instead of painfully thin women and overly muscled men, how about just showing the product and telling us what is does?

Dove's campaign for real beauty was a start, but until everyone is accepted for who they are, regardless of weight, height, race, religion, or gender, we will always have some problem or another the drug companies want to "fix", the government will always look for reasons to be "right", and advertisers will always sell "the fountain of youth".

We all have value. Value yourself.

message 50: by Kim, Proud Queen of the Fat and Fabulous! (new)

Kim (mrsnesbitt) | 1031 comments Mod
Last week, for the second time, I did a whole mile, spread out with a 1/2 mile on Wed. and a 1/2 mile on Fri.

So you know how I keep saying that I want to reach a mile by Christmas? And that I wanted to reach 3/4 of a mile before the end of October?


I DID A 3/4 MILE YESTERDAY! I am so proud of myself, I could explode (which would be pretty gross)!

I started swimming at 1:10 p.m. and finished by 2:00! Not bad for my first time!

1 mile, here I come!

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