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message 1: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments This question may be loaded and it mostly reflects my personal frustration with friends and family...
But it seems that people around me would be more willing to accept my dating preference if I were gay much more than dating white guys. I am not talking about the stranger on the street I am talking about friends and family. The few people I try to talk about it with give me this long speech of how I am not attracted to black guys (yes they are telling me what I feel and think!) or how I have been brain washed by society and the media.
I have a relative that is gay and everyone is so supportive saying that is just how God made her (then again maybe it is more patronizing). I even have a 'friend' who defends a bisexual relatives choices but cannot accept or try to understand mine. I have no particular opinion on gay relationships other than it is none of my business. It would be nice if people showed the same kind of support for my choices as others. Even if it is not support just show the same ability to keep their mouths shut just like they do homosexual relationships.
Sometimes I want to ask would you feel better if I were gay?


message 2: by A.M. (new)

A.M. | 349 comments Jenn, Ah, family. I tend to head my mother's advise, If you have nothing nice to say....keep your mouth shut. Unfortunately you will always have those who want to give you their take on how you should live your life, no matter that you didn't ask.

Be strong, be true to who you are. Never let anyone influence/tell you who you should be with or make you feel you have less value as person because of your choice.


message 3: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
Loni,

Sometimes family and friends don't want to see "you" being with someone outside of your race.

My family knows my answer. Oh well!

I hope I don't offend anyone by saying this, but I know a lot of people believe that homosexuals are born that way and that's not true.

My email is open.


message 4: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (last edited Feb 24, 2010 04:06PM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Hi Jenn.

This is what I do to nosy family members who want to tell me what to do. I just smile and nod, and go and do what I want anyway. It's probably sounds like I'm saying that's easy, but I know it's not. But I truly believe that you have to be true to yourself (and for me, God), and that's fundamentally important. No one else can live your life for you, even if they want to act like it. If you live your life for someone else, you are going to be miserable. But if you make the choices that are right for you, then you will walk down the path that will lead to your own personal fulfillment.

My family (some of them) never understood why I chose to go to vet school. They always asked me why I didn't go to be a real doctor. I just ignored them. I followed the calling in my heart. And that career path didn't make my life easy, but I have a good life with pretty good financial and job security. If I had listened to other people, I know I wouldn't have taken the path God intended for me.

When I decided I didn't want to be in practice anymore, I got more lectures. But practice was killing me, and I had to make the right decision for myself. I have no regrets that I made that decision, and my family might not agree with it, but deep down, I bet they realize I am much happier.

I'm sorry for the long post, and I could give more examples. But I think I'm getting my point across. As frustrating as your family is, keep your head up.

I still don't get why race is such a big issue. I will be 37 years old next week, and I have had some experiences that show just how race is such a big issue, but I don't understand it.


message 5: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Oh, and I'm sure some of my family thinks I'm gay because I don't run around with men. I don't worry about that, either. At the end of the day, who cares with they think???


message 6: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments I have not let their opinion influence me because it comes down to who I must try to make a life with. For the most part they are okay but many times they let stuff fly that they really should keep to themselves not realizing they are hurting my feelings. It just kills me to listen to them speak so compassionately about being open liberal and understanding to gay relationships or even promiscuity, or when they make inappropriate comments about whites knowing that the father of my child is white. It is no secret so when people make those types of comments, I feel offended because my child is half white. It burns me up to listen to tirades from blacks about how all white people are this way or that way... one time I had to say it, but I interrupted and said not the one I am sleeping with, of course I did not go back to that beauty shop.
It seems people feel a need to understand why something makes you happy rather than just accepting that it makes you happy. Why is it necessary to dive down in my inner psyche and explain why an interracial relationship makes me happy? Do you think you are going to cure me? I am not a cutter, I am not sleeping around or making porn for goodness sake I don't need an intervention.

I don't understand the 'are you gay' thing if you are not sleeping around either. I live in one of the highest HIV areas in the country it should not be a surprise. When did not having random sex become unusual?


message 7: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
My opinion (two cents or less): I think promiscuity in some form has become the norm. So if you don't behave that way, then you are weird. I think it's easier to accept that someone is 'in the closet' than it is to accept that they are celibate by choice.

I've been watching The Bad Girls Club, and one of the girls slept with a girl, and she believed that doing so allowed her to get her freak on, but still be faithful to her boyfriend.


message 8: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "My opinion (two cents or less): I think promiscuity in some form has become the norm. So if you don't behave that way, then you are weird. I think it's easier to accept that someone is 'in the c..."

Are you kidding me?!? What is going on in this world, seriously?!? Yet people try to put me on the spot for my choices. This is exactly what I mean.


message 9: by Arch , Mod (last edited Feb 25, 2010 07:14AM) (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
I hate with a passion, when people think a certain race is like "this".

Jenn, I hope you don't get offended by this and trust me I am not trying to offend you, but this is how I see it. The people that don't want you with a white man is a racist.

Correct me if I am wrong, but they rather see you with a black man or black woman, but not a white man.

I'm not with anyone and my family knows that I am not a lesbian. Gross!

I hope they aren't saying those things to you, in the front of your daughter.

I hate that you had to go through with this. I'm sure knowing how they feel hurts you more, because they never said anything, when you were engaged and have gotten married to your daughter's father.

They didn't give you true happiness, they gave you pretend happiness and that's the kind of happiness a person can keep.

I'm sending you a hug. Keep your head up and stay strong. Remember pain hurts as long as you allow it to hurt.


message 10: by Yolonda (new)

Yolonda | 406 comments I'm a little confused Arch. I think you mean these comments for Jenn or Eugenia. I haven't commented on this thread.


message 11: by Arch , Mod (last edited Feb 24, 2010 08:20PM) (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
Loni wrote: "I'm a little confused Arch. I think you mean these comments for Jenn or Eugenia. I haven't commented on this thread."

My bad. I've meant Jenn. Sorry. I'll change the name.


message 12: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments Eugenia wrote: "Jenn, I wanted to ask a question. Are these female or male relatives. Because I don't understand it, I'm never surprised when black men are upset about my dating white men. That I sort of expect an..."

All women. The thing that finally ticked me off about the interracial versus gay dating thing was the same female who was treating my dating white guys like a mental disorder later hit on me WTF! That sent me over the top on the issue!
I am glad I am able to vent here because I am not the type to bother people about their choices, I am very conservative but I do not go around trying to stir up political debate or challenging other peoples belief system... But it seems people have no problem zoning in on me. I have spent my life being the white black girl, I just thought at this age people would be over it. I love who I am. I can go anywhere and feeling comfortable in my skin. I think it does black female a disservice when they don't want to do something or go somewhere because there are too many white people.
I know I am all over the place but I am sure you all understand.


message 13: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
Jenn, the woman wanted you that's why she had a problem with you being with a man period, especially a white man.


message 14: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Hi Jenn.

This is what I do to nosy family members who want to tell me what to do. I just smile and nod, and go and do what I want anyway. It's probably sounds like I'm saying that's easy, but I..."


This maybe out there but I put it on both political parties. Their livelihood is to stir up voters and the best way to do this is with distrust and fear. I can not say who is right or wrong but through out my life I have worked for both parties and the stuff was rediculous... Don't get me wrong, it is not one specific persons fault, but the people who work for them as a whole get so emotionally charged they just go way out there. After that I vowed to never work for or give money to any political campaign. The reason I bring this up is because with people who seem to 'not see black and white', as soon as politics come up they accuse everybody of being racist... Like all republicans are racist or all democrats are black or gay or black and gay sympathizers... Crazy stuff like that. Which is why I steer clear of politics. Even if we are just crazy, seriously what is the big deal between and man and a woman who like/love each other?


message 15: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
To Jenn: It's pretty difficult sometimes, trying to be you (in the general form). I am liberal politically, but morally, I'm fairly conservative (wincing at calling myself that). I don't believe in sleeping around, and I think marriage should be taken very seriously. I think babies are precious, and need to be brought into the world under the best conditions, with two loving parents (if possible, which it always isn't). I believe in monogamy and being true to your spouse (no cheating). Even in fiction, I look for stories that mirror these values, but often do not find them. I think that people don't get my conservative sexual mores, but that's okay. I don't try to live other people's lives for them, but at the same time, I do get upset at how the media portrays normalcy. Normalcy is not sleeping around and being promiscuous to me. I have to reject that, even if that's considered okay according to the world. It's very frustrating to watch tv or movies and to find people who mirror my values. I've just about given up on trying to see this on tv. To me, virginity is not a curse. Waiting until you get married is not bizarre and old-fashioned. And celibacy is a very valid lifestyle choice. These are all values that the world rejects wholesale. But I don't have to live the way the world does. I choose to be true to myself, so I can be happy with the woman staring back at me from the mirror. For me to adopt the sexual values of the world, would cause me to be less than happy with myself. So I walk to the beat of my own drummer, not the parade.

I want to make it clear that this is my personal philosophy. I don't have time to walk around judging other people. So don't take anything I said personally.


Elise-Pinterest+Goodreads=The Perfect Book Boyfriend (eliselovesshinyandnew) | 56 comments Ok here is my take,and let me remind everyone I am from the deep South, so even to see a black woman with a white man is still rare. I think the whole issue is low self esteem. It's like depression. You know, how sometimes people are depressed and they don't know it. There is a pervasive aura of low self esteem for many black women because of the whole dating/marrying issues within the black community that causes them to act and think illogically. I once heard a speaker say, be careful what you accept as normal, because it becomes normal. This can be applies in almost every area of life. We have accepted that black men can date outside of the race and it's okay. Black women don't particulary like it, but, hey what can we do about it. It has become the norm to support homomsexuality so we do (not saying that we should not, I just saying its now the norm). It is also accepted, that despite the statistics about black on black relationships and the ratio of black men to black women, that black women still should only date black men. How do I know this. Because I have a friend that is beautiful, who says she is not attracted to white men (they LOVE her though). However, I know for a fact she is "Thursday". That means that her "man" sees her on Thursday. I lie not. His birthday was on a Saturday one year and she went to his house and he wouldn't let her in. Why? Because "Saturday" was over. It was her day. She called me and a friend on 3 way to ask what should she do. We told her to go home. She had accepted the relationship and she knew it wasn't Thursday. However, she still refuses to date outside of our race. Illogical. But, in order to "date" a BLACK man she accepts this kind behavior. And she is not alone because there are 7 days in a week and he was honest with her upfront. It is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. When I asked her about dating outside her race, her responses were stupid things like, what if he calls me the "n" word, or you know white guys don't have any rhythm and small dicks so I know they can't satisfy me sexually. However, you rather risk you life with someone you know has multiple partners. And still, knowing this, black women still support this craziness quicker than her dating a white man. Honey, in the words of my wise mother (God rest her soul), Love who loves you. End of story. Other peoples options don't feed you in the kitchen, make you scream in the bedroom, or pay any of your bills.


message 17: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
I hate that people think that all black men have a large private part, because he's black and he has big feet.

I don't believe that every black man has a big private part and black men aren't the only race that have a big private part.

Black men aren't all that. They are only a race of men.

I wish people would stop with the stereotyping. If a black woman hasn't been with a white guy, she wouldn't know first hand if he had rhythm or the size of his private part.

I wonder how women would feel if men look at a certain area on them to determine the size of their private part. Women comes in different sizes too.

As for the N word. I know that a lot of black people don't think it means the same if they call another black person the name, but it does.

A black woman can be with a black man and he still can call her the n word.

I don't care what race a person is from, I don't think any race should call a black person the n word.

I don't believe in sharing. If I have to share a man, I rather stay single.


message 18: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Wow, Saninbham. I know you're speaking the truth, but that's really sad. I'm so not down with sharing a man. I have a friend who is anti-dating outside her race, but has recently accepted that she might have to settle for a White man. I asked her, "How do you think that man is going to feel that you're settling on him?" She didn't have an answer. She was with the same man for nine years, who essentially pressured her into a sexual relationship, that did nothing but made her feel guilty. He also managed to get 'nookie' out of her, even though they were broken up. He was also insanely jealous and was a stalker. Of course, he's Black, and she doesn't want to lose out on her chances of getting married and having children, so she's thinking about going back to him, worst case scenario. My friend and I practically ordered her to stop answering the phone if he calls her.

I have nothing against Black men. But I do have something against that kind of Black man. If he was White, Purple, Orange, or Magenta, I still wouldn't like him. I'd rather be dateless every
Saturday night than to put up with that.


message 19: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (last edited Feb 25, 2010 10:53AM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
I don't understand why some Black women feel that a White man will treat her bad just because he's White, when she has more than likely been treated bad by more than one Black man, if she's dated a lot and dated a lot of losers, and only dates Black men. That's illogical. Believe me, I have encountered racism from Whites, but I don't believe and will never believe all White people are racist and will treat me bad on principle. When I meet a White person who is racist, it makes me sad, because I hope that we are getting past all that. But as Arch said, White people don't have a corner on racism. A person of any race can be racist.


message 20: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments Eugenia wrote: "Jenn wrote: "Eugenia wrote: "Jenn, I wanted to ask a question. Are these female or male relatives. Because I don't understand it, I'm never surprised when black men are upset about my dating white ..."

I know it is so crazy. A group of friends and I were coming back from a play and I noticed this club that seemed to have a lot of people our age outside waiting to get in and then one person said oh no too many white people not enough of us, I was too through, all of us but one was single and they had the never to complain about not meeting people. We ended up just going to eat and I spent the rest of the night listening to them complain about black men, how sad is that?


message 21: by Davina (last edited Feb 25, 2010 01:57PM) (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments This country has a very bizarre outlook on b/w interracial relationships that I've never been able to fathom. While other white western nations teem with as much racism (sometimes even more) as the United States, this pathological obsession with not mixing the races, particularly if the combination is black and white, is positively obscene. When I lived and travelled throughout Enrope (and I'm still there quite often because of work and family) it was not uncommon for you to see quite a number of b/w interracial couples.

And what's funny is that a lot of those relationships were likely to have been less authentic than many of those here in the United States because 1) you had many young black women and men (mostly Africans) hooking up with white Europeans as a means to a better life (that is to say marrying to get a citizen then divorcing soon after the papers come through) rather than any true feelings of love and or affection and 2) many white Europeans -- some of whom have never seen or interacted with a black person in the flesh -- will find blacks exotic and may just be interested in experimentation. So they'll enter into a relationship with the black individual and for however long the relationship lasts that person is like a trophy they like to flaunt until they get tired of it.

Yes, sometimes people DO talk and or give you weird looks, but it's not an issue of national concern as it seems to be in this country (although one could of course argue quite soundly that continental Europe doesn't have the same history as the United States when it comes race). Some people, usually young hotheads and adults of a bolder countenance will drop hints of the feasibility of the union, but all in all the vast majority of cases I've seen and heard about the parties involved just shrug and go on about their business.

You see just as many black men with white women (probably slightly more) as white men with black women and when compared to the reactions I've seen interracial couples receive here in the US, in Europe they're able to have a relationship that is fairly free of overt judgement. It's not so much a big deal over there as it is here. Then again Europeans often do not understand all the ruckus America carries on with about many things.


message 22: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
America makes a big deal about interracial. American TV is afraid to have a black woman and white man as a couple on TV show, but BBCA isn't afraid.


message 23: by Davina (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments I am a white woman who loves black men and I've never been afraid to say that to anyone. My family knows it, heck even my hubs know it and while not everyone approves of my preference, I hardly give myself grief about their concerns. I like who I like and there's little I can do about that. The only person who's opinion I honour on this matter is my husband's and I do so exactly because he is my husband and its my job to take his feelings into consideration about things. Thankfully, he's a very confident (many times a little too much) and laid back type of guy who allows me my freedom to do what I want, when I want, how I want. As long as neither of us cross a certain line we don't particularly care who the other drools at.

Sometimes you will not always like who are, sometimes you will wish you were different (we all do, it's human nature), but at the end of the day we can't change who we are and at some point or another you just have start learning to embrace those sides of you. Give yourself the strength to accept the things about you that you can not change. We will never be free of human judgement. It's just what we ALL do ... at some point or another. :)


message 24: by Davina (last edited Feb 25, 2010 02:37PM) (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments Listen, being a person of ill repute is not race or gender specific (it's what I keep saying to many of my female friends, stop believing that just because we have a vagina we're so much better than men, we aren't).

Good/evil transcends race and gender.

You have white guys who have Tuesdays and Saturdays too. Plenty of them.

I believe there are a lot of good men out there, black and white. As well as many bad men, again black and white (and all other races).

I'm sure women can find black men who will treat them just as well as a white man could/would or just as bad.

I don't like putting anyone up on a pedestal. There are good and bad people from all races, gender and walks of life.

You simply have to take responsibility for your own happiness and seek the person who gives you what it is you've identified you need.

As much as I am attracted to black men, I'll never regret marrying my husband because he was able to give me what I needed at the time I was looking for it. I would've gladly accepted the same from a black man, but none were in the right place at the right time. My husband was. That's why I married him.


message 25: by Davina (last edited Feb 25, 2010 02:40PM) (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments I too dislike this trend the world has entered into. If you're not having sex and having it with Dick, Tom, Harry, Jimbo and Cale then something must be wrong with you.

Look, I'm just as much against the sexual double standard women face as the next person, but I'm sorry being a whore who opens up to everything in a pair of trousers does not make one a liberated woman in my book. It just makes you a whore. And before anyone blasts me for calling a spade a spade, the same thing goes for men 100%. There is no reason under the sun why people should be exposing themselves to all kinds of emotional distress and sexually transmitted diseases. That's just my usual straightforward and candid opinion. Apologies in advance if anyone thinks I'm too frank. That's just who I am.


message 26: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
Just because a woman knows how to swim, it doesn't mean that she has to test every water. Even good swimmers drowns.

In my opinion, when a woman loves herself, she will not go out looking for hate.


message 27: by Chaeya (new)

Chaeya | 454 comments My family knows me and that I don't explain myself to anyone. I know how unfair and judgmental people can be because I dealt with it my entire life, so I like what I like and that's it. If they want to talk smack, I have the choice to get up and walk away or I can debate my point if I feel like it. I really don't have time for people and their drama and their hypocrisies.


Elise-Pinterest+Goodreads=The Perfect Book Boyfriend (eliselovesshinyandnew) | 56 comments I also believe that people are good and evil in every race and no one has the market on racism. I am also attracted to white men, however, my husband is about as dark as they come (I also LOVE dark skinned black men) and about as country as they get. In fact, his knickname back in his small hometown is cornbread. He is a good black man and I think it's funny people always assumed I would marry a white man, although I have never dated one. I just never had the same mentality as many of my friends regarding dating outside. But, once again, I am in the deep South and like it is rare to see a black woman with a white man (except maybe in Atlanta). In the end, all that matters is that you are happy. As far as the sexuality thing, once again I am from the South, and the rule was always, "keep it on one hand" (meaning never more than 5 in a lifetime). I think that's a Southern girl thing LOL.


message 29: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Davina wrote: "I too dislike this trend the world has entered into. If you're not having sex and having it with Dick, Tom, Harry, Jimbo and Cale then something must be wrong with you.

Look, I'm just as much a..."


--I'm not a fan of double standards, either. Men don't get a get out of jail free card for promiscuity. And I don't think it's okay to call a woman a slut if she sleeps around, and a man a player. It's the same thing to me.


message 30: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
saninbham wrote: "I also believe that people are good and evil in every race and no one has the market on racism. I am also attracted to white men, however, my husband is about as dark as they come (I also LOVE dark..."

Wow, I never heard that saying, Saninbham.

I just saw a lot of sexual running around growing up, and I decided that wasn't for me. Having seen the consequences of that. People think that celibacy is so awful. To me, it's a lot better than STDs, unwanted pregnancies, and heartbreak.


message 31: by Davina (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I'm not a fan of double standards, either. Men don't get a get out of jail free card for promiscuity. And I don't think it's okay to call a woman a slut if she sleeps around, and a man a player. It's the same thing to me."

Of course, and that was the point of my post.

I don't know about where you live, but in my neck of the woods many women find it liberating to say they "own" their sexuality by sleeping around with legions, and they get quite offended if they sense even a sliver of censor. However, these are the same people who will have no qualms about referring to men who do the same as man-whores or man-sluts. That's why I phrased my post in the way that I did.

Yeah, men have had centuries to whore around without much repercussion while we women had to stand to the side and be "chaste" (though I'd bet many weren't even under the draconian circumstances in which they lived). But seriously I don't care. Harmful behaviour is harmful behaviour. It suddenly doesn't become acceptable simply because you were once denied the same liberties.

But, of course, to each their own. Whatever floats your boat. I didn't just say what I said to be judgemental or provocative, but let's call a spade a spade, shall we? I have no patience for all the neo-feminist hypocrisy that is pervasive throughout this country. None whatsoever.

I'm not advocating for people to be celibate. We're all sexual beings and people should just accept that, the sooner the better. If you want to have sex, have sex. But do you have to have at it with every Dick, Tom, or Harry, Mary, Jane or Sue? Perhaps you do and it's really not my place to tell other people how to live their lives, but for me personality it's important to be discriminate about one's bed partners. And I mean a lot. It's called having standards.


message 32: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Eugenia wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "saninbham wrote: "I also believe that people are good and evil in every race and no one has the market on racism. I am also attracted to white men, however, my ..."

I believe that we all have to make choices about our lives. I don't have time or energy to tell others how to live. I just get sick of society and the media making it seem like people who choose not to follow the typical pattern are weird or something.


message 33: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (last edited Feb 26, 2010 08:15AM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Davina wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I'm not a fan of double standards, either. Men don't get a get out of jail free card for promiscuity. And I don't think it's okay to call a woman a slut if she ..."


I have no problem with what you're saying, Davina.


To add to my point avoid, I'm not saying celibacy is for everyone. But it is a valid choice for some people, if that's what they want to do. And they should not be made to feel bad if they choose that path for whatever time they decide to pursue it. Someone I knew went to a doctor, who treated her like she had three heads because she was a 30 plus virgin. What's up with that? Is having slept with 50 people more valid? No!

It's funny to me, when I'm around people who are very liberal (keep in mind, I consider myself liberal). They consider conservatives narrow-minded and judgmental. I think they are just as narrow-minded as conservatives, but it's worse, because they are being hypocrits, unwilling to admit that they do just as much judging as the so-called right wingers. I'm not trying to start a political discussion here. I'm speaking generally as far as lifestyle and viewpoints on topics.


message 34: by Arch , Mod (new)

Arch  | 6564 comments Mod
It's sad, but it's true. Some people put an age limit on virginity. They think something is wrong with a person if they are a virgin past a certain age.

Danielle, your friend should have nicely put the doctor in his or her place. I know I would have.


message 35: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
She's had a lot of health issues, so her opinion of doctors is pretty low as it. She just brushed it off. To me, it was very unprofessional of the doctor.


message 36: by Jenn (new)

Jenn | 126 comments Eugenia wrote: "Jenn, what we're all saying in our different ways is we understand your frustration with friends and family deciding they need to judge you about your decision to date interracially. We love these ..."

Thank you all for your support and understanding. It is so nice to have you all. When I was in my 20s this was never a big deal, but now in my late 30s and divorced it seems so different. Maybe it is my imagination, but it is almost like 'well she learned her lesson marrying that white guy now she can find her a black man now'.
I am fortunate enough to have become friends with a co worker who has dated white guys, so she understands and she has no problem going to all types of places.
It is kind of sad but I feel like my social/personal life is like church on Sunday, I have my white church and my black church, both which I need neither will I forsake.


message 37: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Jenn, I will never fit into a monochromatic environment. That's not the way I'm wired. I love diversity and multiculturalism. I have friends of various races and ethnicities, and I am very comfortable with that. I wouldn't have it any other way. When I look for a church, that's one of the things I look for, is it integrated? But don't get me started on that.

My close family pretty much know, that I will marry the man I want to marry, and he may or may not be Black. They expect me to marry a British man, actually. Because I'm an enormous Anglophile. But then, I could end up married to an Asian man. Whoever it is, they wouldn't be surprised that I chose the right man for me, regardless of race. There are other factors that are way at the top of the list, and race isn't one of them.


message 38: by Yolonda (new)

Yolonda | 406 comments Eugenia wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "saninbham wrote: "I also believe that people are good and evil in every race and no one has the market on racism. I am also attracted to white men, however, my ..."

Hey fellow Houstonian. I grew up there as well.


message 39: by Davina (last edited Feb 26, 2010 03:53PM) (new)

Davina D. | 796 comments Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Davina wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I'm not a fan of double standards, either. Men don't get a get out of jail free card for promiscuity. And I don't think it's okay to call a woman..."

You'll have no argument from me on this because I completely agree.

In fact this is exactly the type of hypocritical double standard that completely drives me up the wall. For decades, centuries even, the mantra has always been that personal choice ought to trump societal conditioning. People shouldn't be persecuted for sleeping around. True, I'm all for personal choice and freedoms, but nowadays when you DO exercise said right to not lie with every tail in town you're a weirdo all of a sudden.

What is the motto of the typical left wing nut?

"Do as I say, not as I do".

And I too am saying that as a political liberal. I laugh in the face of political (interest) groups who purport to be so much better than everyone else's belief system. As my mom says, its all just a load of bollocks!


message 40: by Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books), Sees Love in All Colors (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress (Back to the Books) (gatadelafuente) | 7308 comments Mod
Eugenia wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Eugenia wrote: "Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "saninbham wrote: "I also believe that people are good and evil in every race and no one has the market on r..."

It's not that I care. I'm happy with my personal choices. However, it's nice to see someone out there who you can identify with. If you don't feel that way, good for you. But I think most people like being able to identify. Also, it's young people who are being encouraged to make responsible choices, when there are shows on tv like Gossip Girl, and shows on MTV that make sexual promiscuity the norm. How can a parent win when they sit down with their child and tell them there is not thing wrong with waiting on sex, with the messages that they are bombarded with. I firmly agree that parents should watch what their children take in, but it's getting really slim to find shows that don't have negative messages for teens. And 700 Club is not an option for every family.


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