Writer's Group discussion

The next bit!

Comments Showing 1-2 of 2 (2 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Erin (new)

Erin Nitz (fatherxchristmasxisxmyxdaddy8p) | 13 comments Chapter .1

I stepped into the pouring rain and ran for the front door. I didn’t care that me and all my school books were already soaking wet all my thoughts were on the T.V. show I was already missing by five minutes. Larry King was interviewing my favorite singer and I had to see it. I sprinted in to the living room and made to dive for the clicker. I stopped short. Comfortably sitting on the sofa, with his eyes glued to ‘Dexter’, was my brother. And in his hand was the precious remote control. “Give it to me Jared.” My voice was unusually high and me feet couldn’t stay still, I needed that controller.
“No.” It seemed this was his answer for everything these days. I rolled my eyes.
“Give it.”
“No.” Jared’s tone was matter of fact and almost humorous.
“Jared this is not funny, give me the controller or else-”
“Or else what?”
“Or else I’ll pull the plug on you.”
He yawned and flipped through some channels, pausing at my interview before moving on. I sensed a fight coming on. We had those daily. Huge yelling matches that sometimes involved a few kicks and scratches. I usually ended up in my room and he in his tree house. That was probably how it was going to happen today. But the worst part of our fights is that no one stopped us. Neither of our parents came home until at least 9 at night each day, and left well before we got up for school. My dad worked at a factory on the other side of town, it took up to an hour to get there. And my mom was a secretary for a state manager who lived next door to us.
I decided I would change the subject- slightly.

“How did you get home before me?” I asked, I had gone through great trouble to get my aunt to pick me up so that I could get home faster.

“The bus takes a quieter route.” He answered simply. I winced, remembering the traffic jam I had just sat through.
Silence. No one spoke, only squeaky cartoon voices came from the T.V. “I want to go to boarding school.” Jared said suddenly. I looked at him. His blond hair was covering his left eye, hanging limply in every which direction. And his green eyes were staring unfocused at the screen. I sighed, knowing exactly how he felt.

Wouldn’t it be nice, if for once, you had someone to take care of you. Feed you whole meals in stead of the snacks we ate for meals at home. Have someone to set some rules, instead of learning it the hard way that you have to be responsible.
There was a click and a flicker of light as Jared turned off the T.V., stood up and started for the coat cupboard. He was off to work on his tree house, in the pouring rain, all by himself. I looked up at him and then back to the remote control. Suddenly I didn’t feel like watching a few questions and answers on a news station of all things. I knew I would regret missing it later, but I could always catch up by just checking it out online, besides it was nearly over. “Jared?” I felt weird, me and Jared hardly did anything fun together anymore, and I missed his company.
“Yeah?” He was in his coat and now slipping on his shoes.
“I’m coming too.”
I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye, maybe I wouldn’t regret it that much after all.

I tip toed into my bed room trying not to get anything too wet. The winter coats had been useless to the merciless rain and in the end we had ditched them, pounding hammers in order to not freeze to death. I grabbed a bunch of random clothes from my top drawer, dropping them on the floor as soon as I got in to my bathroom. I looked at myself in the mirror and shivered, half from the cold and half from my appearance, no wonder Jared had burst out laughing as soon as he could see me proper. Whisps of my red hair were sticking out of the two braids I had put them in making me look like a wild cat. My mascara was smudged all over my face and it was supposed to be water proof, yeah right, and lastly my lips were a dark shade of blue. It was like Medusa meets Cat Women. After tearing off my clingy clothes and wrapping my self in a warm towel I faced the pile of clothes in front of me. Most of it was black and blue but I saw a few spots of white too.
After sorting it all out I choose my black hoodie (I had been missing that for ages). A black soft t-shirt that was too big for me and had the name of my old band printed on the front in big white letters. And some dark blue slacks. I washed my face with warm water, thankfully it wiped clean easily enough. And then I headed for the kitchen, I wasn’t worried about my hair, that could wait until tonight, right now I was starved. “Want me to make you something Jared?!” I yelled. No answer, in fact no sound at all. I shrugged, guess not. After searching in numerous cupboards, the pantry, fridge and freezer, and much debating I found my self sitting on the kitchen counter with a bowl of cheerios in chocolate milk with whipped cream some how mixed in to it all. I laughed, my brother would love this! Still eating I decided to sneak up on him… I snuck down the hall way trying to keep quiet. Past my bedroom, past my parents and past the guest room. His door was gaping open and there was wet foot prints leading in. I peeked in side.
No one. I still kept quiet though, he could be in his bathroom, the door to that was closed and I thought I could hear the shower running. I looked around, his room hadn’t changed since the last time I had been in there. There was a mountain of clothes in one corner where I guessed his dirty clothes basket might be. In another corner was his recording studio stuff. Microphones, hundreds of sets of head phones, huge speakers, complicated recording technology, and a lot of cords. I saw he had added a couple posters to his wall of them. It was basically made out of posters there were so many, layer upon layer… it sort of reminded of my best friends room in New York. I shook my head, I couldn’t think one thought about my old life, my old house and friends… my old home, other wise I would break down entirely.

Ding dong

The doorbell. What on earth, who could possibly be coming in this weather. I ran to get it almost spilling all of my supper.

Ding dong

“Coming!” I called. I skidded to a halt and opened up the door. “Hi-Jared?!”
“Yes?” He smiled smugly at me then winked before leading 4 other soaked people in. Band practice, how could I forget. My brother was a lead singer for a small band called ‘Maple Syrup’, they hadn’t performed to anyone besides me. But they had become great friends, ‘chilling’ at my house almost every day. In a way I was almost jealous of my brother, he could make great friends almost immediately, where as for me it took a long time before I trusted any outsiders. Also being in a band used to be my thing.. before one of our members unofficially quit and our family moved away. I probably would have been in Maple Syrup as well but they already had a base guitarist.
They passed me one by one, all lugging heavy instruments or else high tech equipment. And all sopping wet! First came Derrick, then Chat and then, both fighting to be first in the door, was Jack and Bruce. Jack beat his opponent by elbowing him in the stomach, causing Bruce to almost drop his guitar and amp. These were my friends now… a bunch of rowdy boys.

ok guys i don't exactly like the ending, so if you have any other suggestions for that TELL ME... yer, even if it sounds mean i guess XP go go go for it!

message 2: by Arthur (new)

Arthur | 15 comments I finally found time to read this. Its ok. Maybe if you point a little semi colon instead the brackets after "hoodie" Whatever is a hoodie? But yu did this well. And you shouldn't change really anything...I have a feeling you know what you want in your story.

back to top