Beta Reader Group discussion

50 views
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb: Paranormal Romance

Comments Showing 1-17 of 17 (17 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Hey there! So I'm hopeless at blurbs, because blurbs require summarizing. I am not a summarizing person, as my husband greatly complains about. So...I require a bit of help to give my blurb a bit of bang. If you need any more info on the story let me know.

What I sort of have so far as a blurb:

Screams. Bloodcurdling, anguished screams are the last memory that Catrina Macintyre has of her parents. After she escapes the location of their demise, she spends six years as a lone wolf in the wildernesses of Alaska and Canada. Killian Stone, the Alpha of a pack in California, takes her in. Gives her hope.

Together, they search for the enemy who murdered her parents. And the reason they did it.



I'm sure there is so much more information I could put in there, but I don't want it to be too lengthy. Any recommendations on how to make it better? I want it to really leave people curious.


message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

I would say murder instead of demise, and I would give some clue as to what lone wolf means, and why the Alpha of a California pack finds her in Canada or Alaska...

Heather, what you have here is a blurb for a short story or novella. It just isn't enough :-)

and then you'd have to change murdered (her parents) to killed, or it's too redundant...


message 3: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Thank you Jim. Since it's not finished yet, I have some time to re-write the blurb. I just hate when people ask for one, and I'm like"...ummmmmmmm." haha. I'm worried I'll give too much information.


message 4: by H.R. (last edited May 08, 2015 12:48PM) (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Catrina Macintyre.

Isolated. Lost. A shifter, alone in the wilderness of Canada with the sound of her parent’ blood-curdling screams still ringing in her ears. Even after six years of living as a wolf. She swears to get her revenge on the person who took everything from her.

Killian Stone.

Alpha of a small pack in California, he takes in shifters that have nowhere else to go. He brings ‘Cat’ home, and gives her hope for the future. But are he and the pack a part of her future? Or just a stepping stone to get to her ultimate vengeance?


Better?


message 5: by Kelley (new)

Kelley | 45 comments I like the extra details in the revised version, but prefer the style/format of the first blurb.

Maybe you could add what obstacle is in the way of them finding the murderers (show rising conflict). Also if the reason(s) behind the murderers's actions will blindside the MC (create compelling character), I would allude to that too.

I hope that helps :) Best of luck!


message 6: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Thank you it does! I've been researching blurbs on a lot of books, and I feel that they give so much away. I want this one to seem pretty mysterious so that people want to read it lol. Definitely going to be working on this for a while :-(


message 7: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Ok

Now that the book is finished I need to take the blurb a little more seriously ;-) So here's what I have so far:


Bloodcurdling, anguished screams are the last memory that shifter Catrina Macintyre has of her parents. After she escapes their isolated home she spends six years as a lone-wolf in the wilderness of Alaska. She swore revenge on the person who killed her parents, but will the truth be too much to bear?

Killian Stone, the Alpha of a small pack in California, finds Catrina locked up in a wolf sanctuary. He brings her home, and gives her hope of a future that she is determined to shove away. Are he and the pack a part of her future? Or are they just a stepping stone to her ultimate vengeance?

An adventure of a woman with nothing to lose, and a man who’s trying to give her life meaning.



message 8: by Holly (new)

Holly Stone | 10 comments Hi Heather,

I've had a play around with your blurb...hope that's okay. I am by no means an expert but I've just been reading up on 'power words' so have thrown some in! What do you think? I've added in some stuff that may not be factually accurate but you'll get the gist!

Bloodcurdling screams haunt her memories, revenge rots her soul.

After her parents are murdered, shifter Catrina Macintyre escapes their isolated home to roam the wilderness of Alaska as a lone wolf. For six long years she grieves, swearing to avenge their deaths, until she is captured and imprisoned with no hope of escape.

Killian Stone, the Alpha of a small pack of rogue wolves in California, rescues Catrina, taking her to the safety of his home. As soon as he sees her he knows they are fated mates, but Catrina is driven by vengeance and won’t let anything, especially promises of a secure future, get in her way.

Hope is a dangerous thing when you’re pursuing an oath of vengeance. Will Killian convince Catrina of her future before her lust for revenge threatens to destroy them all?



message 9: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Holly,

I love what you did here. It is definitely powerful. I'll have to play around with it, maybe implement some of your power words into my current one or whatever. Like you said, some of the facts weren't true ;-) but I love the idea of it!


message 10: by Holly (new)

Holly Stone | 10 comments That's good. It was fun to do! More fun than writing my own blurbs!


message 11: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments How about this?


Bloodcurdling screams haunt her memories, revenge rots her innocent soul.

After her parents are murdered, shifter Catrina Macintyre escapes their isolated home to roam the wilderness of Alaska as a lone wolf. For six long years she grieves, swearing to avenge their deaths, but will the truth she desires be too much for her to bear?

Killian Stone, the Alpha of a small pack in California on a mission to save lone-shifters, finds Catrina imprisoned in a wolf sanctuary. But Catrina is driven by revenge and won’t let anything, especially promises of a secure future with Killian, get in her way.

Hope is a dangerous thing when you’re pursuing an oath of vengeance. Will Killian convince Catrina of her future before her lust for revenge threatens to destroy them all?


message 12: by Holly (new)

Holly Stone | 10 comments Sounds good to me. Are Killian and Catrina romantically involved in the book because you don't get that from this blurb. He comes across as a benevolent figure trying to help lone wolves find a home.


message 13: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Yes they are. They're just not fated mates.


message 14: by Holly (new)

Holly Stone | 10 comments Ah! Think it needs to be more overt in the blurb.


message 15: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments I'm thinking about putting something in between those two sentences of the Killian paragraph. Something like

Killian Stone, the Alpha of a small pack in California on a mission to save lone-shifters, finds Catrina imprisoned in a wolf sanctuary. Their undeniable attraction threatens to collapse the walls she has built within herself. But Catrina is driven by revenge and won’t let anything, especially promises of a secure future with Killian, get in her way.


message 16: by Holly (new)

Holly Stone | 10 comments love it! Definitely sets up the romance!


message 17: by H.R. (new)

H.R. Savage (dimple_doo) | 46 comments Yay! Awesome :-p


back to top