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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb Help (please) YA-Adventure-Greek Mythology

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message 1: by Tammy Ferrante (last edited May 08, 2015 05:11AM) (new)

Tammy Ferrante | 7 comments I am trying to find tune the blurb and would greatly appreciate any input - which do you like/not like? Any suggestions to improve

If you were a publisher which one would entice you to wanting to know more?

Original Blurb:

I've always dreamed of adventure but never thought that adventure would be at the cost of my family being in danger and my parents disappearing. I find out that my biological father is Zeus, and nothing will stop his enemies and keep me my family safe from danger.

Revised Blurb 1:

I've always dreamed of adventure but never thought that adventure would be at the cost of my family being in danger and my parents disappearing. After 18 years, I learn that Zeus seduced my mother, and now his enemies know I exist and coming for me and my family for revenge.

Revised Blurb 2:

Kyra woke up on the morning of her 18th birthday with a bracelet in her hand given to her by a stranger, and a warning in her head that her family was in danger.

Revised Blurb 3:

Kyra woke up on the morning of her 18th birthday with a bracelet in her hand given to her by a stranger, and a warning in her head that her family was in danger. Zeus seduced her mother, and now his enemies know she is his daughter. They are coming for her and her family for revenge.

message 2: by Uma (new)

Uma (witcheyez) | 1 comments Hey Tammy,

Your second blurb seems too short. Maybe you can try adding the part about Zeus there and see how it goes?

message 3: by Tammy Ferrante (new)

Tammy Ferrante | 7 comments Thank you, Uma.

message 4: by Kelley (new)

Kelley | 45 comments #2 is my favorite, but it seems more hook than blurb to me. A blurb (for a publisher) should include a hook, middle (think raising stakes & compelling character) & an alluded to ending. You don't have to give the everything away, but you need to show that you have gone beyond a great idea to a complete and compelling story. I find it helps to go back to the outline (or write a synopsis if you skipped that step), then whittle it down until you have 100-200 words that summarize the utter fabulousness of your story. Best of luck!

message 5: by Dan (new)

Dan (phrichos) | 10 comments Hello Tammy,

I read somewhere (actually I came across it several times over the years) that prospective book buyers spend an average of eleven seconds reading blurbs. Othes may say ten, or maybe even fifteen; the point is, that the figure is way down there. That averages out to about seventy words--but it doesn't mean limiting yourself to that. It mean, that's the point at which the average reader decides whether to read on--or to put the book back on the shelf. So, in effect, you have two blurbs to write: the one that pulls a reader in and the one that ushers them to their seat. That said, a rule of threes seems a good idea. (Let's say, 70+140=210; say, again: 200 words per blurb. That's your target. To go much beyond that is risky; but not to go so far seems a waste of your second-best opportunity at a sale (the first being your title.) --Just a thought. Hope it helps.

Another thought: being waaaay to old for YA,I'm hardly a good subject to beta read for you; so I wish you all luck there. That said, I'm curious as to just how deep and wide goes your interest in Greek Mythology.

message 6: by Tammy Ferrante (new)

Tammy Ferrante | 7 comments Thank you for the information.

My interest in Greek Mythology goes deep and wide. I am currently working on a Ph.D. in Educational Leadership, but I plan on pursuing a Ph.D. in Religion after I am completed with the leadership degree. I figure I should be cranking out my 4th book by then.

I have become obsessed with Greek Mythology. I believe that many of the creatures have been portrayed as the bad guys, and I see them differently. An example would be the Cyclopes -- they were created by Uranus and Gaea, but because Uranus was afraid of them, he banished them to Tartarus. His son Chronos was worse because he sent the Hecatoncheires there too. Imagine being a child and sent away - you were never loved. These creatures are scary, but they are not the bad guys.

The goal of my series is to right the wrongs that have been done, including to creatures like the Cyclopes and Hecatoncheires.

message 7: by Lena (last edited May 09, 2015 03:05PM) (new)

Lena | 172 comments Mod
I actually think the info you put in your last post is more interesting than your blurb! lol...But really, I would work in some of that. Dan is right--a standard blurb is 200-250 words. Your hook is good. So let's say you start with synopsis #3 (actually your hook), then go on to tell us about your story. And then maybe add a sentence at the end about how you are righting the wrongs or telling the story of the bad guys. After all, every villain is the hero of his own story.

message 8: by Mommaleena (new)

Mommaleena (goodreadscommommaleena) | 2 comments #2 is my favorite, however I agree it's a little short. I'd add a sentence about her finding out Zeus is her (biological or true father).... Depending on how you want to word it for your target audience. Between the original and the three revisions, I'd like to know more information on your book. Good luck!!

message 9: by Dan (new)

Dan (phrichos) | 10 comments Oh, Tammy! If only you weren't the competition. (Persuing a phD in Religion; I wonder, is that from a faithful or a secular perspective?) My reason for asking—I don't expect an answer, since that would be invasive—I've got an (narrative non-fiction, unpublished) book on the Promethean conflict in particular but Greek myth in general, that would blow your (secular?) mind.

Um... Lena.... Having peeked at your profile and read what you say of yourself in "About this author" It strikes me that despite its being outside your stated preferences you too might find it right down at least one of your side alleys. Really. (—Really!)

A beta reader said of it,

“… OMG, OMG, OMG.... You've got a phenomenal handle on the Greek myths; the time release way you explain everything takes the reader by the hand and gently guides them to realization. If you haven't gathered... I LOVED it…. I'm expecting to see this on shelves. …this is beyond eloquent. I can't imagine a publisher not wanting to snatch this up.” (-Nichole Delacroix, with permission.)

Any interest? (How about just a taster—say, the Preface?)

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