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Writing Advice & Discussion > Sample seduction scene: Opinions about style

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message 1: by Jim (last edited May 03, 2015 08:47PM) (new)

Jim Carnicelli (jimcarnicelli) | 71 comments I have an established story series. My main protagonist starts out in my first published novel as an essentially asexual person. I want her, a contemporary of ours, to experience a very different, future culture of sex and romance as she personally develops into a more romantic and sexual being.

I recently asked some of the romance authors in my local writers group their thoughts about the genre. Their suggestion was that I write a sample scene to submit for discussion. I did write one as an out-of-context capsule for easy reading. I've gotten a little feedback, but not yet from them. I'm curious to know what others here think of the romantic style of the following 1400 word seduction scene:

http://vergeofhistory.com/drafts/VohR...

Do you sympathize with the POV character? With the secondary one? Do you feel you understand their motivations and behaviors? Other thoughts?

Thank you!


message 2: by Alex (new)

Alex | 128 comments I get what you're trying to do, but the dialogue and attitudes don't seem much different from contemporary romantic scenes. Having a machine as the POV character is interesting, but how to make her strange (what she says and what she thinks) is the challenge. Good luck.


message 3: by Lydie (new)

Lydie | 16 comments Interesting, really. Since the scene is taken out of context from the rest of the story, it's hard to understand her motivation (and even his), and how she feels things (being a robot and all). Their exchange does seem a bit juvenile. Or was that the point? I don't feel a great seduction here. More like, "Okay, let's do it." But I am really intrigued by the concept.


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