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Dystopia > Terminator by Anna Mouro

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message 1: by Anna (new)

Anna Thank you so much!

message 2: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (last edited May 03, 2015 03:28PM) (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
Good beginning! Some suggestions:

- As Abigail said, be careful of getting too similar to the Hunger Games. Right now I think there are a few too many parallels: the society divided up into districts, the deadly arena scenario (although I like the idea of a killer obstacle course!), the futuristic-yet-rural setting, etc. It may help to flesh out the world more and come up with some unique details. This has a lot of interesting ideas/questions about world-building to consider.

- Right now there is a lot of "info-dumping" about this world and its history. That is, you write a lot of explanations which could be shown more or implied. Your readers should be able to catch up as long as you subtly reveal info through details and dialogue. This is something that's really difficult to do, and something I struggle with a lot myself, but it's just something to pay attention to!

- You may want to reconsider the title since it's already the title of a very popular movie franchise and I feel like many people would automatically associate it with that.

- It seems a little weird to me that Willow just "suddenly remembers" that Terminator Day is tomorrow––and that she seems pretty nonchalant about it for something in which she (or someone she loves) could die a horrible death. I would think that first of all, she would have been dreading the day for a very long time, and also that the fear and anxiety would be pretty all-encompassing.

Hopefully that helps!

message 3: by Brigid ✩, No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. (new)

Brigid ✩ | 11973 comments Mod
You're welcome! :)

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