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Author Resource Round Table > Blurb Help Needed

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message 1: by Amber (new)

Amber Foxx (amberfoxx) | 246 comments I need feedback,or suggested revisions. Feel free to tinker. I will be grateful, not offended. Here are two versions, and I want to get it right.

Soul Loss

The fourth Mae Martin psychic mystery

Struggling after a disastrous tour, singer Jamie Ellerbee has dropped out of Mae Martin’s life—and perhaps his own life as well. A young model won’t speak to her parents after a photo shoot in Santa Fe, where her mother urged her to study with a famous modern shaman. The director of an annual psychic fair can’t get local celebrities to participate. Something is seriously wrong with all of them … except one. Solving mysteries with roots in the spirit world, Mae Martin takes on her most challenging work yet as both a psychic and a healer, work that may put her own gifts at risk.

The Mae Martin Series
No murder, just mystery. Every life hides a secret, and love is the deepest mystery of all.



**** OR****

Soul Loss

The fourth Mae Martin psychic mystery

Spring winds blow strange times into the City Different. Mae Martin’s close friend Jamie Ellerbee said he’d be back in her life—but a miracle will have to save his life first. A young model won’t speak to her parents after a photo shoot in Santa Fe, where her mother urged her to study with a famous modern shaman. The director of an annual psychic fair can’t get local celebrities to participate. Something is seriously wrong with all of them—except one. Solving mysteries with roots in the spirit world, Mae Martin takes on her most challenging work yet as both a psychic and a healer, work that may put her own gifts at risk.

The Mae Martin Series
No murder, just mystery. Every life hides a secret, and love is the deepest mystery of all.

****OR *****

They both need work. :) Tinker away!!!


message 2: by Akaria (new)

Akaria Gale | 3 comments I like the second version better. The first sentence is quite captivating. Maybe follow that with the strange things that are happening in CD. A model gone mute after an encounter with a Santa Fe shaman. A psychic fair with no psychics. Then you could add the bit about Mae taking on this challenging case while looking for the miracle to save Jamie's life.

That's the story that comes across from what you've written so far. Don't know if that's the story you wrote though. This is a good start. Keep at it!


message 3: by Rita (last edited Apr 29, 2015 03:47PM) (new)

Rita Chapman | 489 comments Amber, I like the first one - how about:


Struggling after a disastrous tour, singer Jamie Ellerbee has dropped out of Mae Martin’s life—and perhaps his own life as well. (name) won’t speak to her parents after a modelling photo shoot in Santa Fe, where her mother urged her to study with a famous modern shaman. Meanwhile, the director of an annual psychic fair is struggling to find local celebrities to participate. Something is seriously wrong with all of them … except maybe one. Solving mysteries with roots in the spirit world, Mae Martin takes on her most challenging work yet as both a psychic and a healer, work that may put her own gifts at risk.


message 4: by Amber (new)

Amber Foxx (amberfoxx) | 246 comments Rita and Akaria, thank you so much for taking the time to help with this. You've given me ideas!!!


message 5: by Amber (new)

Amber Foxx (amberfoxx) | 246 comments In case anyone is still tuned in and feeling helpful, this is what I did after the two excellent suggestions I received. Still working with two versions, improved by your input. Any further tweaks or suggestions? (I am a compulsive reviser of everything, in case you can't tell.)Thanks in advance for any further help!

Soul Loss

The fourth Mae Martin psychic mystery

Spring winds blow strange times into the City Different. A teenaged model won’t speak to her parents after an encounter with a Santa Fe shaman. A psychic fair can’t recruit any psychics. Mae Martin’s friend Jamie Ellerbee said he’d be back in her life—but that might call for a miracle. Solving mysteries with roots in the spirit world, Mae takes on her most challenging work yet as both a psychic and a healer, work that may put her own gifts at risk.

The Mae Martin Series
No murder, just mystery. Every life hides a secret, and love is the deepest mystery of all.

***OR***

Soul Loss

The fourth Mae Martin psychic mystery

Struggling after a disastrous tour, singer Jamie Ellerbee has dropped out of Mae Martin’s life—and perhaps his own life as well. Nineteen-year-old Lily Petersen won’t speak to her parents after a modelling photo shoot in Santa Fe, where her mother urged her to study with a famous modern shaman. Meanwhile, the director of a psychic fair can’t get any psychics to participate. Something is seriously wrong with all of them … except one. Solving mysteries with roots in the spirit world, Mae Martin takes on her most challenging work yet as both a psychic and a healer, work that may put her own gifts at risk.

The Mae Martin Series
No murder, just mystery. Every life hides a secret, and love is the deepest mystery of all.


message 6: by Jennifer (new)

Jennifer | 17 comments First one creates an air of mystery that intrigues. Only prob is Jamie can be a girl or a guy, and we have no idea (from blurb) if that situation is a possible romantic intrigue.


message 7: by Amber (new)

Amber Foxx (amberfoxx) | 246 comments Thanks. I finalized it with a hybrid of the two with some more feedback from my critique partners.


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