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General > Tell Me A Story of Your Funny Fail

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message 1: by Jessica (new)

Jessica Watts | 1 comments Hello all! I'm new to the group and I want to hear your stories to get to know you!

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the moments that give us the greatest joy to look back on are not our triumphs, but the moments where we failed hard core? Since writing can often be a lot of failing, perhaps we take a moment to see the humor in it and other endeavors. I'd love to hear a tale of how you fail. I'll start!

"I had my first belly dancing class yesterday. My mom did it in her youth, my aunt was an instructor, and I watched a lengthy performance with an Egyptian belly dancer in Cairo last year, chatting about her moves and background while overlooking the Nile. All of which of course means I am not only qualified to belly dance, but sure to be amazing at it. I have a genetic disposition to be a prolific belly dancer.

Ha-ha.

In a schism of 16 year olds and 60 year olds, I awkwardly brought my lonely 20 something self to the center of the dance floor at the Rec Center. The mirrors on every wall made it easier to avoid looking at yourself altogether, and let you see if everyone else was stumbling and sweating as bad as you were. Our instructor, who looked like an expired Lady Ga Ga, started us fast, and did not pause until the hour and 15 minutes had ended. My stomach felt like little scimitars were stabbing me, as I stopped the prancing to catch my breath more than once. I galloped back and forth across the floor, never on beat. I couldn’t use two parts of my body at once—it was either hips shaking or shoulders rolling, not both, Lady. A few times I laughed at the image of myself in the mirror, like a robot rolling along with a loose screw, Danger Will Robinson! Danger! But eventually, I just let go and did whatever felt natural. This meant I went left when the class went forward. An extra shimmy. Spontaneous Monkey-In-A-Barrel-Arms. I like to think that it doesn’t mean I’m not a dancer, or that I don’t have rhythm or beat or balance (oh, I fell over a few times). Rather, I think it’s a sign of greatness. I am Isadora Duncan. I am not missing the steps, I am reinventing. Reinventing with a stumble and a trip."


message 2: by Melki (last edited Apr 25, 2015 01:50AM) (new)

Melki | 3523 comments Mod
I've been thinking about this, examining my past for some epic fails, and then I realized, my biggest disasters have occurred quite recently. Almost every time my real-life book club meets at my house, something goes horribly wrong. There have been no fatalities - yet, but give it time.

I'm pretty sure I wrote in another topic about the time my dog ate an entire bowl of wrapped chocolates minutes before club members started arriving, but for the benefit of any newbies, I'll finish the tale. My son took the dog outside and drowned him in a mixture of sodium peroxide and water to induce vomiting. He then opened the door to tell me that, no, the dog had not upchucked yet, when . . . the dog squeezed through the door to greet the ladies of the club and spewed all over the carpet at their feet. Everything came up, chocolate, foil wrappers and an ungodly smell.

Needless to say, that kind of put a damper on things.

Then, just last week, I played hostess again. One member chose a book that none of us really enjoyed. In fact, emails had been flying back and forth as to how we would tactfully admit that the book was universally HATED while still being relatively polite about it. Well, the evening went surprisingly okay. We smiled and nodded and no one blurted out how much we despised the novel. And then, I literally went and pulled a chair out from under the woman who had picked the book. (I was trying to get the chair out of the middle of the room so no one would trip over it and DID NOT see her starting to sit down. Honestly!) That'll learn her!

I'm hosting again next March. Who knows what evil awaits the innocent book-loving ladies of that coven?

Food poisoning, I'm guessing.


message 3: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
ROFL, Melki! I'm amazed they haven't started making excuses why they aren't meeting at your house!

Jess's tale reminds me of the night after a school potluck event when the two little girls who'd done a lovely hula performance tried to teach a bunch of us to hula. Many Asian and Islander moms there, and me and our equally white (and male) principal. Everyone else is wiggling hips and having at least some success. Will and I looked like we had a stick up...and were about to fall over. Not that he had any hips to wiggle anyway. Finally we gave in and just fell over laughing.


message 4: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Melki wrote: "I've been thinking about this, examining my past for some epic fails, and then I realized, my biggest disasters have occurred quite recently. Almost every time my real-life book club meets at my h..."

Wish I could attend! Sounds like the best book club events, ever!


message 5: by Pseudonymous (new)

Pseudonymous d'Elder | 205 comments Several years ago, before key-fob car unlockers were de rigueur, I taught a night school class at a local college. The class didn't let out until after 9 PM, and I stuck around a while after class to do some sort of administrative task and then headed for the parking lot.

There were only 4 or 5 cars in the lot by the time I got there. I found my white 1990 Ford Taurus, took out my key, and stuck in in the lock. The door wouldn't open. I swore and tried another key. No luck. So I tried another door. Still no luck. I swore some more.

Then I looked up, and there, several yards a way, was a middle-age woman staring at me in horror. That's when I realized that this was not my white 1990 Ford Taurus--it was hers.

I hurriedly apologized, nervously explaining that my car was identical to hers, that my attempting to break into her car was all just a simple misunderstanding, I thought her car was mine, and that I would appreciate it if she wouldn't scream or anything because our two cars looked just alike and anyone could make that mistake.

She continued to stare, saying nothing. I headed toward the other cars in the lot, but I didn't see mine. Had someone stolen my car? Was my car already in an underground chop shop being reduced to parts? No, I realized, it was worse than that. I hadn't driven my white 1990 Ford Taurus that night; I had driven my wife's blue 1985 Chevy Malibu--which I promptly hopped into and sped away, checking for red flashing lights in my rear view mirror all the way home.


message 6: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Douglass (rdouglass) | 2422 comments Mod
ROFL! I am so glad we have that key remote thing, because I drive a silver Prius. Just like about 1/3 of the cars in most lots around San Francisco. It really helps to be able to make the car call to me.


message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

I can add one that I witnessed recently:

I was in the drive thru line at a barbecue joint. The guy ahead of me was getting off his shift, still driving the company van, and just wanted to get his dinner and go home.
Him: “I want the two-piece chicken plate.”
Her: “Are you sure you don’t want the four-piece? I think it’s a better deal.”
Him: “I want the two-piece chicken plate.”
Her: “Let me check how much the four-piece plate is.” (Goes away for several minutes.)
Her: “Okay, sir, you wanted the four-piece plate, right?”
Him: “I want the two-piece chicken plate.”
Her: “Let me check to see how much that is.”
Him: “I want the two-piece chicken plate.”
Her: “I’m checking sir, just drive around to the window.”
So he drives around, and his van is at the pickup window. I hear him say: “I want the two-piece chicken plate.”
And her reply: “I’m sorry, sir, I thought you ordered the four-piece.”
He just drove away, without any order at all, and the girl looked at me like I was crazy when I came to the window wiping my eyes and laughing.


message 8: by Craig (new)

Craig | 23 comments Our dog is a constant source of epic fails, and the bugger leaves me to clean up his mess, often literally. Here's a recent example:

One the night my wife went into labour I was up and ready in a matter of seconds. Seriously superman would have been hard pressed to beat my time. I grabbed our 'go bag', ran downstairs to start the car and was generally all round on top of things.

As we opened the door to leave the house, I heard an ungodly noise, like a warthog in heat being force fed into an industrial meat grinder. I turn to find the dog projectile vomiting inside his crate. My wife hops in the car while I drag him out, grab the necessary cleaning supplies and scrub like a man possessed, all while the dog stares at me curiously. I finally get it all clean, pop him back in his crate, only for him to do the same thing all over again. I don't recall ever swearing so much in all my life.

I repeated the process and before he could sucker me a third time I darted out of the house and slammed the door behind me, pulling the handle off in the process. That's not even a joke, I was stood there holding the door handle while my wife furiously honked the car horn.

Thankfully all worked out in the end, I even had time to pop home and feed the dog some pumpkin before my darling daughter was born :)


message 9: by Lisa (new)

Lisa Shiroff | 840 comments Craig wrote: "Our dog is a constant source of epic fails, and the bugger leaves me to clean up his mess, often literally.

Is your dog part poodle? Mine is and he, too, throws up frequently. The vet said "poodles are just that way but they make up for by being so brilliant."

Brilliant or not, he still lacks thumbs so I've been unable to train him to clean up after himself.


message 10: by Craig (new)

Craig | 23 comments Nope, no poodle that I am aware of, just a plain old Brittany spaniel. He doesn't throw up all that often, but when he does it's a game of Russian roulette as he regularly eats his own poop, so his vomit often contains 'surprises'.

I have heard that poodles are lovely dogs. My sister in law has a Labradoodle and it's an absolutely saint compared to our hellion!


message 11: by John (new)

John Hickman Talking about dogs, what about cats?
Anyone read "You Can Take The Cat Out Of Slough" by Chris Pascoe?
His first book "A Cat Called Birmingham" was a best seller in the UK - published by Hodder


message 12: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3523 comments Mod
Brum is apparently the star of two books:

A Cat Called Birmingham

You Can Take the Cat Out of Slough...

This puss sounds like a rather terrifying feline.
I like the line Will nine lives be enough?


message 13: by John (new)

John Hickman At least you've heard of him.
Anyone got any other funny books they've read...preferably 21st century stuff.


message 14: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3523 comments Mod
John wrote: " Anyone got any other funny books they've read...preferably 21st century stuff."

I think there have been a few titles bandied about.
You can check out these threads to see what everyone likes:

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...

https://www.goodreads.com/topic/show/...


message 15: by Sonya (new)

Sonya | 82 comments Love the Belly Dancing story. I've been belly dancing for 10 years now! It gets easier! ;)

Epic fail for me, several years ago I was at my son's final school concert, where they had a multi-cultural theme. This included foods from other countries at the end. I had filled my flimsy paper plate with noodles and other snacks. I leaned over to help a child with something and my plate collapsed, dumping noodles down the back of the neck of some poor girl! I'm sure that ruined her night! (Sigh!)


message 16: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3523 comments Mod
Sonya wrote: "... I leaned over to help a child with something and my plate collapsed, dumping noodles down the back of the neck of some poor girl! I'm sure that ruined her night! (Sigh!) "

Poor kid - though that was just the horribly wicked laugh I needed to start this Monday morning off right.


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