Query review for a crime suspense novel

[Scott]

Hello all!

I’m looking for feedback on the my first part of my query letter (intro and blurb) I look forward to your help and feedback!

Thanks.

Scott

Court of Equalization is a 109K present-day, crime suspense story, best described as having elements of “Gran Torino” and “The Star Chamber” combined into one novel. This book will appeal to readers of John Grisham, Elmore Leonard and David Baldacci.

Court of Equalization follows John Driver, assistant DA for Chicago’s Cook County, as he seeks to avenge the murder of his wife and two children. Thwarted by the lead detective investigating the suspected D’Angelo crime family and a mole in his own department, John feels he has no choice but to take the law into his own hands.

When John’s plan for revenge is uncovered by the police and his gun taken away, he agrees to take counselling for his anger and grief, in a bid to buy time. His desire for the least obtrusive help leads him to meet David Baxter on a Victims of Injustice website. David, a Baltimore policeman whose daughter had been murdered, invites John to join a ragtag group of six people who want to created a therapeutic, mock court to help them cope with a justice system that has betrayed them. John reluctantly joins the nicknamed, “Court of Equalization”, using his skills as a prosecutor to design a trial format, conflicted that his pursuit of the D’Angelos will be delayed.

Using their own common-sense rules, the Court of Equalization re-tries an exonerated pedophile, Patrick Rondel, who is living in David Baxter’s city of Baltimore. David’s friend, Ted Dirkson, a retired CIA agent with terminal cancer, decides to monitor Rondel after learning the police don’t have the resources. When the Court of Equalization finds Rondel guilty, Ted Dirkson offers the ultimate solution…to kill Patrick Rondel and save the two girls the pedophile is stalking. Knowing the police will not act in time, John Driver and the group has to decide whether to step back…or become a true Court of Equalization.

[Author56]

This feels like a narrator listing things that happen to John. Instead of saying "Court of Equalization follows" just say "John is heartbroken after his wife and three children are killed". That gets us into his mind.

The second and third paragraphs give me too many people; I don't need to know who refers him to this organization; just say he discovers it. Same for Dirkison, you can just say "a colleague of his". The query is supposed to convey the plot, not the names of all the characters.

I also noticed there seemed to be a lot of details about every bit of the plot. In a query, you don't want that. It seems the conflict for John is between delivering justice or not going too overboard with this court. If you leave it at that, the plot will be more of a mystery and less of a list. That should also lower the word count; right now it's a bit too high.

Hope this helps!
-Author56