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by
Katherine
(new)
Jan 27, 2015 08:23AM
Today in first hour, our teacher was gone, so we had a study hall. Right know I am sitting in English on my Senior Paper, but the cite we are using is refusing to load, so really I am just chilling with my friends. What a great day I am having.
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Today my best friend was sick. :( Not such a wonderful day.
After doing my taxes yesterday (so much fun) I completed my FAFSA today. I have no idea where I am going to come up with all the money I need. The future is looking grim right now.
Yesterday was an exciting yet stressful day for me. I was at a basketball game (I am in the band, so we have to go to almost all the games) and I was sitting talking to some of the other band kids. As kind of a funny Valentine's Day game, we were making a list of celebrities we would want to go out with. Everyone in the band was throwing out names and we were just having fun. I was throwing out all girls names, but I think only a few people noticed, but didn't say anything. At one point, a trumpet player in my grade asked me if I had ever had a boy friend. When I responded no she asked if I was making the list to compensate. I gave a nervous laugh and then leaned over and told her I am gay. She kind of gasped and laughed nervously and I went back to playing. I know the people around us heard (after all it is a basketball game) and she started exclaiming to the person next to her what a surprise it was and so on. She is not the first person I have told, nor will she be the last, but this was particularly meaningful to me because I hope and know she is going to tell other people. All the people I have told before I have told in confidence and asked them not to tell anyone else. The only person I asked this trumpet player not to tell is my brother, who is a trumpet player in the same band. That is where the stressful part comes in. In telling this trumpet player, I have lost control of this very personal information and it is now a distinct possibility my brother will find out and then the rest of my family would find out. However, after reflecting upon this, I have come to the conclusion that I don't care! I can't take being the closet any longer. I am ready for the world to know who I am. I know the reaction from my family is not going to be all positive, but I have a great support system and in the long run, everything will be ok. I am ready for the anxiety and stress that has plagued my life for 5 and half long years to be over. Watch out world I'm coming out! It might be a while, but here I come!
Sorry for the long entry, but I also want to say I encourage other people to comment in my journal. I like it when other people throw in their opinions, it makes for fun discussion. :)
