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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb and front page quote review !!!

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message 1: by O.E. (new)

O.E. Boroni | 10 comments Hello everyone. I am seeking for comments on the blurb for my debut novel and the quote that will be on the cover of the book. I'd appreciate to hear from everyone and anyone so that with you help I can make it better, and more compelling. Thank you and eagerly look forward to your response.

My mom was miserable because of my father.
She’d let out heart-wrenching sobs when she thought no one could hear her, and the more I listened, the more afraid I became. Because someday, I too would fall in love like she had, but what would ever convince me, that it wouldn’t ruin the rest of my life?

I tried asking her if there was anything that had warned her beforehand but before she could respond, a truck smashed into us. The next day I turned thirteen, and woke up on a hospital bed; the deafening blare of the truck's horn still resounding in my ears, and her deadened grey eyes, forever engraved in my memory.

Five months after, I was banished to boarding school in England.

Three years later, I met Nathan.

More complex and overwhelming than anyone I know I’ll ever meet, he had a wisdom in his stunning blue eyes that assured me that I was understood, almost as much as they made me question my mad temper. He became my friend and literally saved me from myself.
I fell madly in love with him, and for the first time in my life, hoped with all I was worth that there did truly exist a love that would never end. But then everything around us seemed to be bent on proving me wrong…
Even him.

The Beginning of Never is the first book in the Never Trilogy. It kicks off the epic love story of two headstrong teenagers who fall deeply in love, and how they learn what it truly takes to remain in it. Overwhelmingly intense and deeply passionate, this is an extraordinary love story that will carve a place for itself in your heart. Sit tight; you will learn a thing or two.

quote: He was my first love... but will he be my last?


message 2: by K.P. (new)

K.P. Merriweather (kp_merriweather) | 129 comments blurb is way too long.


message 3: by O.E. (new)

O.E. Boroni | 10 comments Thank you K.P. I've been trying to cut it down for the last two days. sighs. I'll start working on it.


message 4: by Marie (new)

Marie (naturechild02) I agree with K.P. I think that the paragraph about the wreck and the paragraph about Nathan should be shortened. Like, one sentence.


message 5: by O.E. (new)

O.E. Boroni | 10 comments Marie wrote: "I agree with K.P. I think that the paragraph about the wreck and the paragraph about Nathan should be shortened. Like, one sentence."
Thank you Marie. I'm revising now. How compelling is it though? Does it spike up any interest?


message 6: by Marie (new)

Marie (naturechild02) A bit. I don't really read YA romance.


message 7: by O.E. (new)

O.E. Boroni | 10 comments Marie wrote: "A bit. I don't really read YA romance."

Lool, thank you.


message 8: by K.P. (new)

K.P. Merriweather (kp_merriweather) | 129 comments i dont read romance either (especially anything in.first person narrative) but it does pique my interest a bit given the blurb so far (still tighten it up). the blurb is a bit all over the place. mom being unhappy, car accident, kicked out of school, then bam new dude. im curious how these events shape the mc and how the dude enters her life and what changes.


message 9: by Fiona (new)

Fiona Hurley (fiona_hurley) | 33 comments I agree that it's too long and unfocused. Some parts would work well in the novel itself, but not as the blurb.

You have a number of words that could be deleted with no loss of meaning. For example, "woke up on a hospital bed", " literally saved me from myself", "hoped with all I was worth ".

If the narrator is the main protagonist, you need to focus on her first. For example: "Before I turned thirteen, my mom taught me that love would ruin my life...."

Nathan seems a bit generic. How is he complex? How does he save her from herself? Small and specific details make the story come alive.

You should probably delete the last two sentences. The line about falling deeply in love and learning how to remain there is a strong ending; the next two sentences detract from it.

Best of luck.


message 10: by O.E. (new)

O.E. Boroni | 10 comments Fiona wrote: "I agree that it's too long and unfocused. Some parts would work well in the novel itself, but not as the blurb.

You have a number of words that could be deleted with no loss of meaning. For examp..."


Thanks so much Fiona. Just insight was helpful.


message 11: by Amie (new)

Amie Ali (amieali) | 3 comments Hi O.E.,

As the others have pointed out, it's too long. Fiona has some great suggestions that address this. The blurb is meant to grab and draw the reader in. Keep it punchy and to the point without revealing so much of your story outline.

CONGRATS to you on your first completed book in your trilogy!

Cheers,
Amie


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