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Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 246 (January 21-28), Poems, Topic: Time Lapse

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message 1: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments You have until January 27th to post a poem, and January 28th – 31st we’ll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a poem previously used in this group.

Your poem can be any length.

This week’s topic is: Time Lapse

The rules are pretty loose. You could write a poem about anything that has to do with the subject but it must relate to the topic somehow.


Have fun!

Thank you to Jocilene for suggesting the topic!


message 2: by Ryan (new)

Ryan | 5334 comments Thanks, Nicky. Love the topic, this will be an interesting week :)


message 3: by Alex (new)

Alex Morritt (alexmorritt) | 287 comments Poetry Contest: Poem topic: 'Time Lapse'


'TURNING BACK THE SPEEDO' by Alex Morritt

On the streets of Havana this is for real
No film set or part of an advertising deal
Still in circulation after sixty five years
It's enough to tip car buffs into tears

Plymouths, Chevies, a Dodge or Studebaker
Lincolns, Pontiacs, a customised Moonraker
All plying the Avenidas as taxis for hire
Or chauffeur-driven limos for those who aspire
To ride around town in whitewall-tyred splendour
Enveloped in cream leather amid shiny fenders

Down the Malecón for a seaside breeze
Cruising up Martí with effortless ease
It's just like one big memorabilia show
Some polished as mirrors some black as a crow

Proudly sporting badges like hard-earned Purple Hearts
Or humbled rustbuckets missing key parts
But all belonging to another age
When serious motoring was all the rage

Now confined to this Carribean Isle
Where the people still struggle but get by with guile
Both cars and citizens on a similar track
Trapped in a time warp since the clock was turned back

Copyright Alex Morritt (2012 - 2015)
Presented @ The 8th International Poetry Festival, Granada, Nicaragua (Feb.2012)


message 4: by Arun (new)

Arun Iyer (aruniyer) | 369 comments First Love

I am, near you,
Near you, yet I can't,
Yet I can't realize,
Can't realize.

I have, as you see,
As you see, a duality,
See a duality, that crystallized,
Just crystallized.

I just look down, then look sideways,
All I want do, is to see your face.
I stiffen up, when you come by,
When you leave, I breathe a sigh.

I am, near you,
Near you, yet I can't,
Yet I can't realize,
Can't realize.

Now here I am, I asked you out,
To confess to you, how I feel.

Just see me thinking here about these useless things,
Want to bury myself in the shame it brings,
Look at the words, they are flying with wings,
And its just been a minute and so it stings.

I am, near you,
Near you, yet I can't,
Yet I can't speak out,
Can't speak out.

And time goes, so slow by,
So slow, just let me die,
Just let me die, let me die.


message 5: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Alex wrote: "Poetry Contest: Poem topic: 'Time Lapse'


'TURNING BACK THE SPEEDO' by Alex Morritt

On the streets of Havana this is for real
No film set or part of an advertising deal
Still in ..."


What a vivid scene you've created Alex, I love it. 'Enveloped in cream leather' is a great image as is 'humbled rustbuckets missing keyparts' A really unusual take on the topic - brilliant.


message 6: by Connie (new)

Connie D. | 656 comments I think this topic could be lots of fun.


message 7: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Arun wrote: "First Love

I am, near you,
Near you, yet I can't,
Yet I can't realize,
Can't realize.


I really like the rhythm of the words you create with your poetry Arun. This poem really conveys that feeling of awkwardness when you want to speak but you can't. I love the repetitions and i particularly liked the last stanza.


message 8: by Arun (new)

Arun Iyer (aruniyer) | 369 comments Nicky wrote: "I really like the rhythm of the words you create with your poetry Arun. This poem really conveys..."
Thank you for the kind words :-)


message 9: by Fidel (new)

Fidel  Love (fidelmlove) | 48 comments "I Knew Her" by Fidel M. Love

I know her and I don't
From the moment that I saw her
I sought to awe her
with our first kiss
Flowers, candies
Our first wish
To be together and see the world
Our first trip
Hand in hand in the sand
Or seeing what life's like in Japan
Our first dish
from a different culture
But she was walking too fast -
I wish I'd caught her
So I could say to her...
"You're beautiful and as precious as time"
If she were mine
I'd never forget the night that I met her
In the moment of you passing by
I just saw our whole life together


message 10: by Arun (new)

Arun Iyer (aruniyer) | 369 comments Alex wrote: "Poetry Contest: Poem topic: 'Time Lapse'


'TURNING BACK THE SPEEDO' by Alex Morritt

On the streets of Havana this is for real
No film set or part of an advertising deal
Still in ..."

Just wanted to tell you that I can rap this :D


message 11: by Joci (last edited Jan 21, 2015 01:52PM) (new)

Joci (kdemiweall) | 434 comments I'm glad you liked the topic. My pleasure.
Here is my poem. All feedbacks are welcome.

Night Dance
by Jocilene

Flames emerging from a Magic Lamp
Igniting desires in an endless time
Sparkling them into an infinite sky
Shades of green, red and indigo
In a dance of forever in love

Deep inside a trustless soul
Against the spectre, in awe,
Worshiping my true lady starlit
Absorbed in a corona of delight

Magnetic as a true winter, the moonlit
Collapsing in a spiral of storms
In a spectacle of never seen
A galaxy of gold and purple, born

Alluring me to chase them,
Night after night, winter after winter,
Those overhead lights
The breaking dawn of my faith

21-01-2015


message 12: by Alex (new)

Alex Morritt (alexmorritt) | 287 comments Nicky wrote: "Alex wrote: "Poetry Contest: Poem topic: 'Time Lapse'


'TURNING BACK THE SPEEDO' by Alex Morritt

On the streets of Havana this is for real
No film set or part of an advertising d..."


Thanks Nicky. Much appreciated. It is also such a relevant topic now with the long overdue defrosting of US-Cuban diplomatic relations. Those iconic 'wheels' won't be there forever :-(


message 13: by Alex (new)

Alex Morritt (alexmorritt) | 287 comments Arun wrote: "Alex wrote: "Poetry Contest: Poem topic: 'Time Lapse'


'TURNING BACK THE SPEEDO' by Alex Morritt

On the streets of Havana this is for real
No film set or part of an advertising d..."


Hi Arun, now that would be a great show...Cuban hip hop / rap in Mumbai. You would have queues lining up around the block :-)


message 14: by Arun (new)

Arun Iyer (aruniyer) | 369 comments Alex wrote: "Hi Arun, now that would be a great show...Cuban hip hop / rap in Mumbai. You would have queues lining up around the block :-) "
Haha :D I wish I was good at rap, but your poetry just flows out naturally that way with an "effortless ease". It was fun to rap it :-)


message 15: by Edward (last edited Jan 21, 2015 06:19PM) (new)

Edward Davies | 1727 comments Title : A Lapse In Time
Author : Edward Davies

A lapse in time, a lapse in thought
Can leave one feeling overwrought
It makes one think of things we missed
Like having fun or being kissed.

Were choices right, we’re never sure
A day, a week, a year or more
Can hurtle passed at breakneck speed.
Before this sentence you can read

The moment’s passed, never returning
All the while your heart is yearning
For that moment once again
To stop the torture, end the pain.

The choices made are done and set
There’s no use in simple regret
Those lapses may by short or brief
But often there is lasting grief

Just for an hour in the day
Somebody dies while you’re away
You never get to make amends
With loved ones, family or friends.

So make the most of all that’s here
You can’t let time possess your fear
Or else you might feel overwrought
A lapse in time, a lapse in thought.


message 16: by Nicole (last edited Jan 21, 2015 07:21PM) (new)

Nicole | 15 comments Edward ur poem is beautiful...enjoyed reading


message 17: by Edward (new)

Edward Davies | 1727 comments Nicole wrote: "Edward ur poem is beautiful...enjoy reading"

Wow! Thanks! I thought it was ok. :)


message 18: by Daniel J. (new)

Daniel J. Nickolas (danieljnickolas) | 139 comments Yusra, I wanted to address your poem directly as your curiosity about your own work sparked my curiosity for it.

I read your poem a few times and this is my interpretation of the poem in its current form, based off what you said you were trying to do:

This poem has some wonderful contrasting imagery of the cool sweet (vanilla/sugar) snowflakes, and the heat of living skin. The poem as whole, however, seems interrupted, and I think the problem lies in the line “to suicide”. The fact that the word “suicide” carries such strong emotions, and the fact that the word gets a line and stanza all to itself, makes me feel like the poem is somehow about suicide. Whether it is or not, this line robs me of drawing that conclusion. I went over this poem a few times, pretending the line “to suicide” wasn’t there, and I liked it better. The last three lines of the poem then become the focal point, and come alive. The fact that the snowflake has no choice in what happens to it is interesting, but what I really find thought provoking is the fact that the snow flake dies from the heat of a living thing, which will itself someday “end all existence”. When I read the poem with the line “to suicide” none of those thoughts enter my mind.


message 19: by Nicky (last edited Jan 22, 2015 01:21AM) (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Yusra wrote: "Transience
(formerly titled 'Oblivion')

The sky, swirled white
is whispering vanilla,

shaking snowflakes
like sugar
from an upturned tin:

sweet lives, spent

falling,
spent
floating..."


Yusra
I really like your poem. I don't mind the suicide line - it suggests a sense of deliberation. The thing about creating art is that we can only create it and then let it lose into the world where it will take on a life of it's own. Really good art doesn't tell you what you should think or feel it just shows you something beautiful or astonishing and allows the viewer to experience what they will. The artist can have no real control of how the viewer perceives their work as that is completely subjective.
For me, if you explained the snowflake concept more than you have done, your poem would lose the layers of meaning that are alluded to and be a poem about snowflakes. At the moment I thought the piece you've created was beautiful, unique and implied something about the fleeting nature of all things.


message 20: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Fidel wrote: ""I Knew Her" by Fidel M. Love

Fidel, your poetry has such a strong voice - I always imagine that's you speaking. It was a rhythm and a kind of forceful drive within the words which I like. It makes me think of a rap style. There are some really nice lines - I like your opening lines and your closing lines they seem to bring the whole things together.


message 21: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Jocilene wrote:
Night Dance
by Jocilene


I really enjoyed your poem, it was very mysterious with beautiful imagery.
'Magnetic as a true winter, the moonlit
Collapsing in a spiral of storms' stands out for me as being very interesting and unusual descriptions.


message 22: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Edward wrote: "Title : A Lapse In Time
Author : Edward Davies

A lapse in time, a lapse in thought
Can leave one feeling overwrought
It makes one think of things we missed
Like having fun or being kissed.

Were c..."

Hi Edward, I really liked your poem and your interpretation of the topic and I'm always amazed when people can create something as neatly structured and closely rhymed as the poem you've created and still make it make sense. I don't think I could - certainly not in the time frame anyway. However I did feel that for me, the rhyming pattern gave the piece and 'upbeat' kind of tempo when your subject matter had a more thoughtful, pensive sort of feel. Some of the verses seem to suit your rhyme pattern more than others, for me. But I like the way you bring it back to the beginning again.


message 23: by Joci (new)

Joci (kdemiweall) | 434 comments Nicky wrote: "Jocilene wrote:
Night Dance
by Jocilene


I really enjoyed your poem, it was very mysterious with beautiful imagery.
'Magnetic as a true winter, the moonlit
Collapsing in a spiral of storms' stan..."


Thanks Nicky for your feedback. I hope it is just unusual and not weird. I was trying to create a visual effect, but I'm not sure if it is clear what I'm trying to describe.


message 24: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments No, it's not weird, it's emotive! Unusual is a big compliment in my book who wants to be usual?!


message 25: by [deleted user] (new)

Alex - Very nice! I've been to many car shows in my time. I like the old classics. They just seemed to be more of a work of art than the cars of today, at least in my opinion. I could really imagine those cars through your poem. Great job!

Arun - Superb! It makes me think of a young teenage boy who has his very first crush on a girl and the awkwardness that comes with innocent, pure love. So sweet!

Fidel - I enjoyed this. It seemed wistful, hopeful and a little bit of sadness. Kind of like the girl was the one who got away. Nice rhythm!

Yusra - I agree with the others who have given you feedback, to an extent. Everyone conjures up different images when they read poetry. The poet could have imagined one meaning and the reader could imagine something differently. To me, that is the sign of a good author! My take on your poem is that life is fleeting, just like a snowflake. It can be wonderful and beautiful and then one day it just melts away. Your last stanza stood out to me: "to end all existence in the heat of our skin". When I think of that with your suicide line ... it could mean that a person has taken their own life out of anger .. heat can sometimes mean anger. I have tried to commit suicide (out of sadness and depression) so I think it could definitely speak to those who have tried and overcome that experience. Nice job!

Jocilene - This is so good! It's funny because I can't put my finger on exactly why I like it, but I do! I think it's the way your describe the colors. It kind of puts me into a dream-like state as well. Keep writing!

Edward - So true! We often wonder if we have made the right decisions and choices in life but we cannot look back with regret. Everything happens for a reason and we must move on, no matter what we have done or has been done to us. Nice lesson!

Al - Awww! That is really nice! I love your very last line about the mud-pies! :)


message 26: by [deleted user] (new)

Here is my poetry submission for the topic: Time Lapse. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome!

BEAUTY

Click and snap
Whir and zoom
Simple photographs
Filled the room.

They were quite drab
The quality poor
She didn't know what
But she wanted more.

Tell a good story
She told herself
Plucking the camera
Off the shelf.

Along the path
Where the wind blowed
She came to a field
And finally slowed.

The tale was there
Right at her feet
Flowers bowed down
The breeze did greet.

The idea caressed
A creative mind
Nature offered
The obvious sign.

Days and days
Stretched and flew by
Through time-lapse
It seemed a lie.

Colors vivacious
Petals formulated
In mere nano-seconds
Beauty elated!


message 27: by Arun (new)

Arun Iyer (aruniyer) | 369 comments Melissa wrote: "Arun - Superb! It makes me think of a young teenage boy who has his very first crush on a girl and the awkwardness that comes with innocent, pure love. So sweet!"
That's what I was going for! Thank you :-)


message 28: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Yusra wrote: "Thank you so much Nicky and Melissa for your thoughtful comments! I really appreciate that you took out time to respond and I'm so honoured that both of you liked the poem. :-D After reading both o..."

Hi Yusra,
Thanks for pointing out I'd posted the comments twice - I think my laptop is out to get me at the moment - I wrote the comment and posted it and it seemed to evaporate! I assumed I had accidently deleted it somehow and tried to remember what I'd said - so don't know what happened there - anyway at least you got the idea.

After I'd signed out, your poem stayed with me and I thought about it on and off all day. It occurred to me that I think some of the reason I think it was so powerful was they way it was grounded in the domestic with the kitchen imagery at the start, then goes through more dreamy lines about falling before the suicide line, then returns to the more human again at the end. It also occured to me that suicide is used in many ways - we say - that's financial suicide, we use it in sports to say a course of action will risk the game etc, it's used to symbolise a tragic or dramatic end to something. In your poem the suicide line does an interesting thing -it gives the snowflake free will - the snowflake knows that it will melt on contact with the skin yet chooses to fall anyway. How many times in life do we have to choose whether something is worth the possibility of failure just to have the opportunity to try?


message 29: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Al wrote: "And
by Al

And sometimes you sit
against the earth


This is very beautifully and simply written, I like the way you start as if the reader has just joined the stream of thoughts conveyed by the voice of the poem. I love the imagery and am left wondering who is making the pies - lovely


message 30: by Nicky (new)

Nicky (soundgirl) | 1147 comments Melissa wrote: "Here is my poetry submission for the topic: Time Lapse. Feedback is ALWAYS welcome!

BEAUTY

Click and snap


Melissa, as always a very clever and creative take on the topic and a tightly worded rhyming scheme and structure.


message 31: by [deleted user] (new)

Yusra - Thank you so much for your kind comments. My suicide attempts (yes, plural - more than one) were many years ago! I am assuming that I am much older than you are and throughout my life and after much counseling, I have discovered that situations, problems and heartaches are only temporary. There is always something good around the corner. I now try to live by the mantra, "this too shall pass". I have a wonderful husband, wonderful son and step-son and five, yes FIVE grandchildren now! If I had succeeded in one of those attempts I would never had had any of that in my life. It's not something I talk about much or really "advertise" but it happened. I am not ashamed though because I have learned so much about how to cope and about myself in the process. I am on anti-depressants. Pills do not "solve" my problems, but they and my faith in God help me get through day-to-day and, in a manner of speaking, over that "hump" when I feel as if my mind is falling apart. Hope that makes sense. Thank you so much for your concern!


message 32: by Joci (new)

Joci (kdemiweall) | 434 comments Thank you, Nicky for the big compliment. Now I'm relieved.
Thank you, Melissa for your kind words as well. I'm glad you liked it and could get involved in the "dream-like state". :)


message 33: by [deleted user] (new)

Jocilene - You are quite welcome!


message 34: by Billie Jo (new)

Billie Jo (jojolov333) | 232 comments *And I told Myself; I lied*

I remember when you were important
And your heart was mine to hold
The past tense version of our love
Sitting there now, lonely, growing mold.

I remember when I thought you were mine
And now you're gone from my grasp
I understand the time we had
Is now far in the past.

And in this moment and time
I am perfectly okay with that
Yet as time passes
I reminisce on the moments we had.

Everyone asks me if you and I are still a thing
So I smile and shake my head as I reply
We aren't and yet I'm okay with it now
We both moved on and let our love die.

At first it was sad and I thought I'd never move on
But I was wrong about you and now I realize
We weren't right for each other
There was never any emotion in your eyes.

I told myself you were important
You said your heart was mine to hold
I told myself our love was pure
But now I see they were all lies that I told.


message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

Billie Jo - Very good. Sad but in a way also uplifting. It shows that the writer has moved on. She can still be wistful about old days but is strong enough to know that the relationship wasn't right.


message 36: by Michelle (new)

Michelle | 50 comments Lost Memory
By Michelle Esteves

I found this topic very tricky but here's what I came up with.
Would love feedback!


Banging, crashing, twisting, burning;
Crumpled in a heap.

Yelling, helping, pulling, freeing;
Lying in the street.

Forgetting, drifting, losing, confusing;
Why do they all weep?

Trying, blanking, struggling, lapsing;
Time is incomplete.

Flashing, thinking, confusing--- drinking?
Remembering seems so bleak.

Explaining, shaking, stating, faking;
Admitting to defeat.


message 37: by [deleted user] (new)

Yusra - You are very welcome. I still have rough times but know that long-term everything will be okay. Thanks for letting me share!

Michelle - I got a sense of confusing about your poem. Not that I was confused .. but that the people in it were confused. Kind of like a whirlwind of emotions stirring within. And, you are right, this was a difficult topic for me too!


message 38: by Michelle (new)

Michelle | 50 comments Melissa, yes it was in the context of a drunk driver crashing and not remembering the events in detail. Just snippets. He was trying to figure out what happened and couldn't recall, hence the time lapse of lost memory. Not my best work I will admit. Thank you for the feedback.


message 39: by [deleted user] (new)

Back in my younger days I did some drinking so I do know about that time-lapse and memory-lapse thing! I drove one time while drunk (thank God nothing happened) but it was scary the next morning when I woke up and didn't remember how I got home. I could have seriously hurt someone or myself or even worse! Scared me enough to never, ever do it again!


message 40: by Daniel J. (new)

Daniel J. Nickolas (danieljnickolas) | 139 comments Yusra: After reading what others have said about your piece, I felt the need to clarify my opinion. I didn't mean to suggest that the suicide line needed to be cut, just that, in the current form, it upstages the rest of the poem. If you subdued the line a little - maybe something as simple as switching "falling" and "floating" as falling into suicide is less jolting than floating into it - I think it would add to the poem what you intended it to. Regardless of what you decide, I've enjoyed analyzing your poem. :-)


message 41: by Daniel J. (new)

Daniel J. Nickolas (danieljnickolas) | 139 comments Michelle Esteves

I think you’ve captured the crash box / fragmented feeling of waking up to find you don’t remember everything you did the night before. I also like the last line because it alludes to a seriousness that gives your poem a Dr. Seuss (though very adult) like feeling. It makes the poem fun yet devastating, much like substance abuse itself.

The only feedback I can offer is possibly switching “confusing” at the end of the first line in the third stanza with one of the two syllable words in that line. This would increase the flow of the piece as all the other first lines end with a two syllable word with an emphasis on the first syllable.


message 42: by Michelle (new)

Michelle | 50 comments Felix, thank you for the feedback. After reading it over I see what you mean. :)


message 43: by Edward (new)

Edward Davies | 1727 comments Nicky wrote: "Hi Edward, I really liked your poem and your interpretation of the topic and I'm always amazed when people can create something as neatly structured and closely rhymed as the poem you've created and still make it make sense."

Great feedback, thanks!


message 44: by Edward (new)

Edward Davies | 1727 comments Melissa wrote: "So true! We often wonder if we have made the right decisions and choices in life but we cannot look back with regret. Everything happens for a reason and we must move on, no matter what we have done or has been done to us. Nice lesson!"

Thanks Melissa!


message 45: by Nicole (new)

Nicole | 15 comments Remembering to Forget by Nicole


I can forget it all you know,
Every missed call or cancelled date,
Your job never lost first place and so,
I'm always second, it's no debate.

I can erase every heartache
The tears, the pain and lies you spoke
I can undo every mistake,
And mend together the life you broke.

I can make it all disappear,
Each memory will simply vanish
My mind will be completely clear,
Every thought of you will be banished.

It's funny though considering,
I've tried to have memory loss and yet,
I find myself remembering,
The memories I want to forget.

Wishing desperately by a well,
With every penny and every dime,
Every mere thought of you that dwell
Is nothing more than a lapse in time.


message 46: by Connie (new)

Connie D. | 656 comments Michelle,

I really liked your poem. It's not as easy as it appears to create a rhyme that works. Did you deliberately use the word confusing twice to emphasize it? If not I think I would actually remove it from the third stanza and use a different word. I think you've capture a moment in time quite well.


message 47: by Connie (last edited Jan 24, 2015 07:46AM) (new)

Connie D. | 656 comments Yursa,

Your poem was beautiful, sweet, and a little sad. Just like life.
I did understand what Felix meant, because I experienced the same thing. I think the poem could actually be more subtle, yet powerful if the word suicide were subdued.


message 48: by Connie (new)

Connie D. | 656 comments Alex,

I appreciated all the visual detail in your poem. Of all my senses, I get the most joy from my sight, yet for some reason I can't seem to write that way. I admire your talent.


message 49: by Connie (last edited Jan 30, 2015 04:27PM) (new)

Connie D. | 656 comments This poem will never stand the test of time. (pun intended) It is just sort of my silly way of getting the best of a topic that seems to be getting the best of me! (comments welcome)

TIME LAPSE
by Connie

We can add more salt for flavor.
We can enlarge an opening to get in.
We can run faster or farther,
and lose weight to be thin.

We can raise our income.
We can put on heels to be tall.
We can split an atom.
And make things super small.

But,

We cannot “split” a second or
“give” each other a minute.
We cannot ever touch time,
even though we are in it.

We cannot make it go slower.
We cannot not make it stand still.
We cannot make it go faster.
We cannot bend it to our will.

We cannot give it away.
We cannot get it back.
Time’s our endless master.
So here’s a simple fact:

There is really no such thing as a time lapse.


Connie Idalski-Dole
1/24/2015


message 50: by Michelle (new)

Michelle | 50 comments Hi Connie, no I didn't intend to use it twice. I even re read it several times and missed it. I think I need an editor lol. Thank you for your input :)


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