Beta Reader Group discussion
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query
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Query Letter Feedback
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HI Thomas,Hope I can help. You are right in thinking this is far too long. There's too much 'fluff' happening. An agent needs something short and snappy to grab their attention.
In your first line, you can completely remove everything except the name and word count of your novel; all the bit after is unnecessary.
Be conscious of classifying your novel in the 'new-adult' category, as this is one that most agents and publishers do not recognise, as it doesn't sit in mainstream bookshops etc. I think you'd do better putting it in YA, especially as your MC is 17, the typical age of the MCs in YA.
You need to introduce Alex in your first line of the blurb. We want to know straight away who your MC is, so you should start off with 'Seventeen year old Alex is an experiment.' Clarify this in the next line. Following this, you should introduce the conflict; his brother is missing and the government have started a new war on the outcasts - Do they have a collective name? This might hit better in the explanation, otherwise you've gone into way too much detail trying to describe who they are and why they are outcasts.
Next, the stakes, so the part about Alex being kidnapped and having to choose between his new friends and his brother.
You don't need the last paragraph at all; it serves no purpose.
Think about it like this. If you could only summarise your story in a single line, what would it say? Then expand slightly on that; that's all agents want to know.
Hope this helps you chop it down and be a bit more concise! :)
This is extremely helpful, Nastasia! Makes perfect sense too. I’ll adjust with that in mind and post again when I’m happy with it.Thanks so much!
Hi Thomas, I have sent my story to 5 publishers so far who accept unsolicited manuscripts (1 rejection so far). None have requested a query or cover letter. One just wanted my name, address and the manuscript (which is kind of good so I didn't have to tell them I'd never been published before. So far my short query letter has not been used. Maybe agents are different.
David wrote: "Hi Thomas, I have sent my story to 5 publishers so far who accept unsolicited manuscripts (1 rejection so far). None have requested a query or cover letter. One just wanted my name, address and t..."
David, agents are different, and almost all of them want a query letter. Some of them just want a query letter to start. I'm curious which publishers accept unsolicited manuscripts if you could let us know.
Hi Adam, if you google unsolicited publishers you will get a list, but I tried:Fremantle Press (a local publisher where I live, Perth, Australia)
Austin Macauley
Pan Macmillan
Allen and Unwin
Europe Books (only seems to accept at one period in the year)
There are plenty of others but they tend to be quite specialised.
PS keep reading Flashman. What a great read.
There's a fairly complete list of publishers who accept unagented manuscripts here:https://publishedtodeath.blogspot.com...
Just looking for some feedback on the query letter for my novel. I worry it's a bit long, but I'm not sure where to cut back. Also, I took out the formalities, bio, and such in the letter below and just left the meat for you to read.
Looking forward to your thoughts, and thanks in advance!
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I am writing to seek representation for my 80,000 word New Adult Science-Fiction novel, Titan. At its core, Titan is a story about a young man who learns that, even though he is different, he doesn’t have to remain alone. Through the events of the novel, he discovers that the things that he has long feared about himself can make the world a better place for everyone.
Set in 2075, seventeen years after World War III, society is finally starting to recover under the guidance of a seemingly benevolent, democratic world-government. However, that government clings to power by vilifying and criminalizing the existence of certain types of people in order to create a common enemy of the state. These outcasts are now forced to hide within the fringes of society because of an aspect of themselves they cannot control. Alex, an orphaned, seventeen-year-old boy, is an experimental, genetically engineered human made during the war. He has no knowledge of his history, but knows that he has more in common with the outcasts than with the rest of humanity. Despite this, his only concern is finding his lost twin brother, Levi.
While following a lead on his brother’s location, Alex finds himself caught in the conflict between the government and a small group of outcasts that are fighting for equality and their right to live in peace. Alex discovers friendship—and, for the first time since losing his brother, a family—within the outcast group. The group of outcasts agree to help Alex locate his brother, but just as Alex’s lead on Levi takes him to a dead end, he is kidnapped by a young, upstart politician who, after learning what Alex is, wants to use him in his rise to power. If Alex helps the politician, he is promised that he will be reunited with Levi. Faced with the impossible choice between finding his brother and protecting his new friends, Alex must decide what it means to have a family.
The themes of self-acceptance, the necessity of equality, and the strength of family are central to this novel. Because young people are often unsure of themselves and their place in the world, I believe they will identify with Alex as he finds his purpose and learns to embrace the gifts that he has been given.
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