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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Query Feedback YA NOVEL

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message 1: by Blue (new)

Blue | 34 comments Fifteen-year-old Celina Alvarez’s life is over. Wait, like forever ever? No take-backs or do-overs? That’s the prognosis her doctor gave when he told her she was pregnant.

Celina’s Mom refuses to give her a choice, her dad can’t stand to look at her, and boyfriend Ryan won’t give up his partying lifestyle. Celina must depend on herself to create the life she envisioned for her daughter.

Celina navigates the trials of teenage pregnancy with her witty inner voice to keep her company. When baby Emma arrives, Celina’s world changes. She’s on a mission to prove everyone wrong and give her baby the best life possible. She dumps Ryan and goes back to high school with a college degree in her mind.

Celina meets a handsome young man who accepts her and her daughter. Their relationship is put to the test when his parents threaten to stop paying for his car and college tuition if he chooses to stay with them. Is she destined to lose her happily ever after?

Based on a true story, CELINA ALVAREZ, YOUR LIFE IS OVER is a Young adult novel complete at 60,000 words. Fans of Juno and Pen15 will love its punchy voice, teenage angst, and witty heroine.

Contrary to the bets made against me, I hold a degree in psychology and an education specialist credential.


message 2: by Rae (new)

Rae Metters | 22 comments Fifteen-year-old Celina Alvarez’s life is over. Wait, like forever ever? No take-backs or do-overs? That’s the prognosis her doctor gave when he told her she was pregnant.

-Great hook. I'm intrigued to read more. Although I would remove the ever after forever. 'Wait, like forever?' does the same thing, and every word is precious in a query. Did the Doctor tell her life was over? if so, he would get into deep trouble as a medical professional for saying so!

Celina’s Mom refuses to give her a choice, her dad can’t stand to look at her, and boyfriend Ryan won’t give up his partying lifestyle. Celina must depend on herself to create the life she envisioned for her daughter.

-Good, we see the stakes here. What Celina wants, what's stopping her from getting it.

Celina navigates the trials of teenage pregnancy with her witty inner voice to keep her company.

-Sounds like I'm in for a treat. I love a comedic voice.

When baby Emma arrives, Celina’s world changes. She’s on a mission to prove everyone wrong and give her baby the best life possible. She dumps Ryan and goes back to high school with a college degree in her mind.

- Cant see any problems with this, and I'm interested to hear how her world changed.

Celina meets a handsome young man who accepts her and her daughter. Their relationship is put to the test when his parents threaten to stop paying for his car and college tuition if he chooses to stay with them. Is she destined to lose her happily ever after?

- This is all fine, although I can already see the direction the book is taking and have come to my own conclusion regarding the ending, I'm guessing he choses them instead of his parents money? If this is the case, and there are no other stake, sub-plots or twists, readers may guess your ending half way through your book and stop reading. The idea is good and would be something I would read. But if I'm bang on the money about the ending, that means others might be too. I hope I'm wrong! I'd love to read a good twist. I hope this has helped! Reply if there is anything you would like to discuss further. Rae x


message 3: by Blue (new)

Blue | 34 comments Hey! Thanks for the feedback.

He chooses money and college. Unfortunately. However, he comes back a year later after she's met someone else and now she's forced to choose. I do talk about that in the synopsis.


message 4: by Rae (new)

Rae Metters | 22 comments Aww what a jerk. Would defiantly read this! Glad the story wasn't going to be predictable. X


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