Hi Engoac, I'm going to critique your query. Please do not get offended by my brutal honesty. Constructive criticism is never a bad thing and you will need it before querying agents. The difference between middle-grade and YA is the age of your main character. Ya usually starts from age 16. John is 13, which makes your book middle-grade. Lets begin...
Query: Thirteen year old John wants nothing more than to raise his status - in a city made of towers, higher is better, and being on the receiving end of the fake bows and pleasantries would be much easier on his anxiety.
(Okay, what we have, is a very long first sentence here. First sentence of your query should be your hook. It should be attention-grabbing and punchy. It needs to grab the agent and say 'Don't you dare stop reading my query!) This can be condensed and elaborated on. What's the city called? World building needs o happen immediately.)
He is working hard at his job, (at age thirteen? Please elaborate. I have no idea of how John's world works.) having earned enough for a place on the 14th floor of a relatively central tower, but (the) 80th (floor) is a long way up. (okay, is John some kind of mini business man? Explain)
It is thanks to Ezmo, a strangely sentient program living in John’s phone, that John has risen so many floors at such a young age. Together they accept contracts of defense against the Grounders, the barbaric tribes who live directly on the dirt and threaten the towers with unseen creatures who only Ezmo can counter. (Ahh okay, so can they not leave the towers for fear of being attacked by these tribes?)
As tension grows between the towers and the Grounders below, John steps ambitiously out among the Grounders on a search for insider information. (Why?) There he encounters a girl his age who works with an unseen creature in the same way that John works with Ezmo, and realizes she is not so different from himself.
John's worldview begins to flip (not sure flip is the right word here.) as he discovers more about his city, the Grounders, and what Ezmo really is. (Here are those pesky stakes I've been looking for. The stakes must be made apparent much earlier on.) It seems that people cannot be so easily judged and organized as the tower city suggests. From his new perspective, what he first saw as a necessary gathering of force, he now recognizes as the beginnings of a war of expansion against the Grounders and enslavement of the unseen creatures. John must make a choice between the life he’s always known and the strange idea that all lives may be equal, regardless of which floor or lack thereof they may belong to. (Okay, the last paragraph I was skimming. This needs to be condensed. I'm starting to lose interest. Query letters are between 200-300 words. I think this needs to be condensed down so that it is much more punchy and direct.)
At 45k words, TOWERS OVER US is a standalone upper middle-grade novel with series potential, steeped in a mix of fantasy and soft science fiction. ( just saying fantasy and sci-fi is fine) It is my first novel. (agents will assume this is your first novel as this is why you are querying them. No need to add this.)
Query:
Thirteen year old John wants nothing more than to raise his status - in a city made of towers, higher is better, and being on the receiving end of the fake bows and pleasantries would be much easier on his anxiety.
(Okay, what we have, is a very long first sentence here. First sentence of your query should be your hook. It should be attention-grabbing and punchy. It needs to grab the agent and say 'Don't you dare stop reading my query!) This can be condensed and elaborated on. What's the city called? World building needs o happen immediately.)
He is working hard at his job, (at age thirteen? Please elaborate. I have no idea of how John's world works.) having earned enough for a place on the 14th floor of a relatively central tower, but (the) 80th (floor) is a long way up. (okay, is John some kind of mini business man? Explain)
It is thanks to Ezmo, a strangely sentient program living in John’s phone, that John has risen so many floors at such a young age. Together they accept contracts of defense against the Grounders, the barbaric tribes who live directly on the dirt and threaten the towers with unseen creatures who only Ezmo can counter. (Ahh okay, so can they not leave the towers for fear of being attacked by these tribes?)
As tension grows between the towers and the Grounders below, John steps ambitiously out among the Grounders on a search for insider information. (Why?) There he encounters a girl his age who works with an unseen creature in the same way that John works with Ezmo, and realizes she is not so different from himself.
John's worldview begins to flip (not sure flip is the right word here.) as he discovers more about his city, the Grounders, and what Ezmo really is. (Here are those pesky stakes I've been looking for. The stakes must be made apparent much earlier on.) It seems that people cannot be so easily judged and organized as the tower city suggests. From his new perspective, what he first saw as a necessary gathering of force, he now recognizes as the beginnings of a war of expansion against the Grounders and enslavement of the unseen creatures. John must make a choice between the life he’s always known and the strange idea that all lives may be equal, regardless of which floor or lack thereof they may belong to.
(Okay, the last paragraph I was skimming. This needs to be condensed. I'm starting to lose interest. Query letters are between 200-300 words. I think this needs to be condensed down so that it is much more punchy and direct.)
At 45k words, TOWERS OVER US is a standalone upper middle-grade novel with series potential, steeped in a mix of fantasy and soft science fiction. ( just saying fantasy and sci-fi is fine) It is my first novel. (agents will assume this is your first novel as this is why you are querying them. No need to add this.)