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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Sci-Fi/Thriller/Comedy Novel Blurb, Would you read this book?

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message 1: by W.O. (new)

W.O. Torres | 4 comments Looking for constructive feedback and just plain curious if this blurb is interesting enough to have folks ask follow up questions or want to read on?

My very first novel (110K words) is done and I’ve passed it through a critique partner and 2 Beta Readers but never shared the blurb...until now. Thanks in advance and namaste!

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We’ve all been there before. You’re twenty-five years old and your career is non-existent. You can’t let go of your ex no matter how much pain it causes. Your parents are hyper critical of you and you’re drowning in debt.
And all you really want is a Super Burrito with carne asada, am I right?

When an unknown weapon from the technological singularity age travels back in time to attach itself to you, turning you into the World’s Greatest Soldier, forcing you to choose between helping your Granddaughter save the future from an all-out A.I. War or giving up the future tech that has literally become a part of you!
We’ve all been there, right? Well . . . maybe not that last part.

Join Brody Rodriguez as greatness is thrust upon him and he becomes “Agent Tomorrow,” a puppet for an off-the-books government agency led by “Gonzo” who trains Brody to rule the world, but not if his future Granddaughter, Catalina Rodriguez has anything to say about it first.

What does an uncontrollable technological weapon from the future, a super particle collider, an all-female punk band, assassins, a muscle car, a prison break, love, revenge, a goatee and a super burrito all add up to? Why, it’s a story as old as time . . . .really


message 2: by Nelly (last edited Sep 19, 2020 03:02AM) (new)

Nelly (indiecate) | 7 comments You’ve obviously had a lot of fun with that blurb. However, I’m afraid it’s not informative enough. Try condensing it a bit. At the moment, it’s too much fluff and not much information.
In order to make people want to buy your book, you have to answer their main questions: What’s this story about? Who’s the main character(s)? What do they want? What’s stopping them from getting it? In a clear, concise way. Yes, you can add some fluff (to show your writing voice), but a blurb shouldn’t be made of it, or you risk readers assuming the book is made of fluff too. As in it has no substance.
And unless your book is written in second POV (you), you’re giving potential readers the wrong impression with all those ‘you’ sentences.


message 3: by W.O. (new)

W.O. Torres | 4 comments Thanks for the feedback, much appreciated.


message 4: by Caroline (new)

Caroline | 3 comments I think this has the right tone for a comedy genre pitch. Right now, I'd say the last paragraph isn't adding anything, either information-wise or tone-wise (the tone is well established by the preceding paragraphs).

I'd also suggest that you break down the second paragraph into easier to digest sentences. If you went into more detail about how the tech has become "a part" of the MC, that would help the reader understand the stakes more.

There is some redundancy between the second and third paragraphs, as both talk about the granddaughter and how the MC has to choose whether to listen to her or not.

From the information provided, this sounds like a book I'd take a look at--the tone and plot sound promising. Good work!


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