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Blurb Workshop > Blurb Feedback Please

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message 1: by Fiona (new)

Fiona Taylor | 6 comments I would love some feedback on my blurb for my new book The Sheltering Tree. I'm not sure if its interesting enough? I have attached a review to the end of it.
Here it is:

Tolpuddle, Dorset 1834 – A time of inequality and poverty

Elizabeth’s father, brother and best friend are arrested and sent to Australia. Their crime? To have asked for fair pay. Their families left behind face homelessness and starvation, unless action is taken. Elizabeth knows she has to stand up for what is right, and fight for justice.

The Sheltering Tree is based on the true story of the Tolpuddle Martyrs. It is a tale of strength, loyalty and love.

‘A perfectly pitched look at the story of the Tolpuddle Martyrs, backed by thorough research which is worn lightly. Excellent for the pre-teen - but it's a book to enjoy whatever age you are...Fiona Taylor has done an excellent job of bringing this story to life ….The Sheltering Tree is a well-written and enjoyable way of introducing the story which played such an important part in the founding of the trade union movement.’ Sue Magee, Bookbag.


message 2: by B.A. (new)

B.A. A. Mealer | 824 comments I do believe you can come up with something better to describe the period of time. Inequality and poverty is a fairly normal situation throughout time so we need something more striking that that. Give a better idea of what exactly was happening. These men who asked for fair pay, were they ones who were organizing against the factory owners for better pay? That is just a guess from what I know of English history. If so, then say it is a time of unrest by workers who were beginning the struggle for fair pay.

Give Elizabeth's last name. And who's best friend...her's or her brother's or father's? Give us a bit more umph about what Elizabeth is going to be doing as that is the conflict. Who is she going against? Any one specific or just a group of rich factory owners? We need to know who the villain is.

Each blurb needs the situation including who, what when and where. The conflict which will include who the villain is (that can be a person, a company, a govt...etc.) and the the purpose of the book which you give...the fight for right and justice.

Even with what you have, it sounds like a good historical themed book.


message 3: by Anna (new)

Anna Faversham (annafaversham) | 528 comments I think this is a very interesting blurb but I would agree that it could be fleshed out a little (not too much) by telling prospective readers a bit about who the baddies are. Many will not know who the Tolpuddle Martyrs are, who they fought and why the odds were stacked against them.


message 4: by Dwayne, Head of Lettuce (new)

Dwayne Fry | 4284 comments Mod
Tolpuddle, Dorset 1834 – A time of inequality and poverty

That could be any time and any place, really.

Elizabeth’s father, brother and best friend are arrested and sent to Australia. Their crime? To have asked for fair pay. Their families left behind face homelessness and starvation, unless action is taken. Elizabeth knows she has to stand up for what is right, and fight for justice.

It's too vague. I don't know who had these men arrested or why such a law existed. I don't know enough about Elizabeth to understand why she believes it's up to her to change things. Who is she going to fight?

The Sheltering Tree is based on the true story of the Tolpuddle Martyrs. It is a tale of strength, loyalty and love.

Not everyone knows what this is. To them, this will be meaningless. A little background wouldn't hurt.

‘A perfectly pitched look at the story of the Tolpuddle Martyrs, backed by thorough research which is worn lightly. Excellent for the pre-teen - but it's a book to enjoy whatever age you are...Fiona Taylor has done an excellent job of bringing this story to life ….The Sheltering Tree is a well-written and enjoyable way of introducing the story which played such an important part in the founding of the trade union movement.’ Sue Magee, Bookbag.

I don't know who Sue Magee is and I'm not sure why her liking it is going to matter to me. Tell me more about the book, don't tell me someone gave it a nice review.


message 5: by Eileen (new)

Eileen Iciek | 120 comments Where is this blurb going? On the back cover of the book, or on KDP for marketing purposes? Very different kinds of blurbs.

If the back cover, I would assume that most people are unfamiliar with the laws re: the Tolpuddle Martyrs and other things related to deportation to Australia. It should be more universal and visceral.


message 6: by Fiona (new)

Fiona Taylor | 6 comments Thank you everyone for taking the time and giving me some feedback on my blurb - there have been some really great points made and will help me in the rewriting of it - I think I have quite a bit of work to do! It's been really valuable receiving this feedback and I really appreciate it. I didn't think I would find this part of the writing process so challenging. Thanks


message 7: by Irene (new)

Irene Baron (goodreadscomirenebaron) | 12 comments Writing blurbs can be time-consuming as they seem to always need revision and be tightened up. I struggle over mine!


message 8: by Tony (new)

Tony Blenman | 90 comments I am guessing these men were sent to Australia from Britain because asking for "fair pay" was a crime, and historically, some criminals were sent to Australia. But the blurb didn't say they were sent from Britain. Who had them sent to Britain? The Company, or did the Government just step in and send them to Australia? Elizabeth, is she a young woman, older person, does she have recognizable status that she could create change, or is she organizing some kind of union to effect change? Is she biting off more than she can chew, and will she suffer some consequences for doing so? Is she part of the family that is left homeless and in poverty?
Just some questions I thought I would present.


message 9: by Jane (new)

Jane Buttery (janesteve) | 2 comments Irene wrote: "Writing blurbs can be time-consuming as they seem to always need revision and be tightened up. I struggle over mine!"

Irene one has to review a blurb carefully I think and appeal to the reader. I use questions for mothers to think about with Picture books. I agree also about the value of ebooks to get known.
Jane in Harrow ON


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