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message 1: by Gem (new)

Gem Thanks so much! I’ll probably start writing soon


message 2: by Gem (new)

Gem ((I have a story that I was writing and I never really finished it, but I hope you like it!))


message 3: by Gem (new)

Gem ((The main character has the same name as me but obviously isn’t me. I hope you like my story!))

Chapter 1
I’m Cat. I’m a half octopus- half human. Also known as an octoling. This is how I had my life pretty much ruined by a telephone. You might be thinking that my life was ruined by the person on the other line but nope! All will be explained soon....


message 4: by Gem (new)

Gem Chapter 2
My life started in Octo Valley living with another octoling. Later I would know that my name was Catherine and the other octo was Scarlet. We grew up under the watch of many different octolings all showing is how to do different things. One showed us how to fire a ink gun. Another showed us how chargers could be used. Eventually we were the best out of the octolings in training. We were ready.
**A few things to know before reading the next chapter: octolings and inklings use ink weapons that spray ink like a water gun. If an octoling or inkling gets completely covered by ink, they dissolve into ink and then they get teleported back to a spawn point where they are back to normal.**


message 5: by Gem (new)

Gem Chapter 3
Our first mission and it was a tough. There had been a inkling (a half squid-person) taking Zapfish (which are fish that octolings and inklings use for electricity) from some of the underground octo towns. We descended down into the towns and found our places where the inkling had been spotted.
“You ready?” Scarlet asked.
“ Duh.”
We took our places and I heard a inkling talking. I super jumped to the next platform and they were inking the ground. I noticed the horrible smell coming from them... they looked at me and my training kicked in. I launched myself off the ground and landed behind them. I tossed a splat bomb down and swam away. It exploded and I heard the sound of the inkling running away. Scarlet landed next to me.
“Did I miss all of the fun?” She asked.
“What do you think?”
“I’m thinking not...” she said. I looked behind me and saw that the inkling was still there. “Wha???” I thought the bomb scared them away! They activated their special weapon (which are powerful ink weapons) and Scarlet and I respawed at base. “Scarlet and Catherine,” an octoling said. “Yes... there was an inkling...” I said. “Sigh... that’s the fourteenth this month... go back to the barracks,” they said. “Yessir.”
We walked back to our barrack that we shared with some other Octos. Scarlet gave me a knowing look and I nodded. She reached behind a stack of old armor (we weren’t as organized as some of the others...) and pulled out a beat-up DJ deck. She pulled on some headphones and started grinding out a popping beat. I pressed record and I started to record some vocals. Scarlet started a tune in harmony with my vocals and I saw the other octolings peek into the barrack. I gestured them in and they walked in. They sat down and took in the beats we were grinding out. I was about to crank up the volume when one of the elite octolings came in. “Scarlet.” Scarlet took off the headphones and stopped the music. “Yes?” “Come with me”. She walked out I tried to follow her, the elite held a hand out and stopped me. “This is just for her.”


message 6: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Yay!!! Thank you so much!!! I’m working on the next chapter right now! :D ))


message 7: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Here’s chapter four! Sorry about the cliffhanger, but I will upload chapter five tomorrow! :). ))
Chapter 4
It had been a week since I had last seen Scarlet. I had been told that she was on a special mission. I had been reassigned to the maintenance of the pride of the octoweapons, the Octoking I. It was a large machine with a small room in it that had DJ decks inside. There were also large cannons on the outside of it that would spray ink. I was just polishing the top of it (it was huge) when a octoling entered the room where it was held. I slid down the side and jumped to the ground.
“Cat!” she exclaimed.
“What is it? Did something happen to the air-conditioning at the barracks again? I knew we should have replaced that a long time ago”
“No, it’s Scarlet!” I grabbed the octoling’s shoulders and said,
“What happened to her? Tell me NOW.” She trembled and said, “We’ve lost contact with her. The last place she had been was in the middle of the Tenta Sea. She had been between the squid city an-,”. I ran out of the room and ran into someone. “Ooh... sorry...” I looked up and it was the inkling. I ran back into the room and yelled, “Sound the alarm! The inkling is outside!” The other octoling grabbed my transmitter from my maintenance equipment and sounded the alarm. DJ Octavio (the leader of us Octos) came and got into the Octoking I. He started it up and I tossed up his headphones. He put them on and turned on his DJ deck and I scrambled into the spectator seats. The inkling came into the room and Octavio started up his music.The battle started and I thought we had this in the bag. I couldn’t have been more wrong.


message 8: by Juuso (new)

Juuso | 106 comments Mod
Have you never watched Rick and Morty? This kinda gives the same vibes (in good way)! This i really clever and interesting!


message 9: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Thank you all so much!!! I’ve never watched Rick and Morty but I’ve heard of it.))


message 10: by Gem (new)

Gem Chapter 5
The battle of squid vs octoweapon lasted longer than any of us would have thought. Octavio fires cannons and launched missiles. The inkling shot the missiles away and dodged the cannon blasts. The other octolings in the spectator seats were shocked by how we were losing. Ink from the cannons flew up into the seats and covered my face. I wiped it off with the sleeve of my shirt and remembered that Scarlet had given me this shirt for my birthday. I tried not to think about where she could be and focused on the battle. The other octolings started to cheer and encourage Octavio so we could win. During the last part of the battle, DJ Octavio’s music cut out and a squid melody started. I don’t know how, but the squids has hacked into our system! When the music reached my ears, I tried to cover them and tune it out. I failed and then the notes hit my ears. I screeched in pain and blacked out.


message 11: by Gem (new)

Gem Thank you so much!!! Just a quick note though, the next chapters might get a little darker but not much darker than most of the books that we chat about in this group.


message 12: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Ooh, Cat I love it! Is it inspired off of Splatoon 2?


message 13: by Gem (new)

Gem Omg yes! Do you play it?


message 14: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) I haven’t in a while, but I used to play a whole lot. I’m having trouble logging in, but I’m going to pick back up again when I can. I really love it!!!


message 15: by Gem (new)

Gem It’s one of my favorite games ever! Have you ever played the Octo Expansion that goes along with it?


message 16: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) I don’t think so. I mostly just to the battles and ranked battles and league battles, occasionally OctoCanyon. How about you?


message 17: by Juuso (new)

Juuso | 106 comments Mod
Cat wrote: "((Thank you all so much!!! I’ve never watched Rick and Morty but I’ve heard of it.))"

Oh okay. You definetily should!


message 18: by Gem (new)

Gem I did get the Octo Expansion, and it was really fun! :)


message 19: by Gem (new)

Gem (Sorry I didn’t post yesterday, I had a lot of things to do and forgot to write, so I’ll try to post the next chapter later today. Also, I’ll be posting more in the next couple days because it’s the weekend for me! :) )
Chapter 6
I woke up to find myself laying down on the floor in an abandoned subway station. The lights were flickering and I was all alone. I sat up and saw that my clothes had gotten rips in them and there were scratches all over my arms and legs. There was a sharp pain on my face and I gently touched it with my hand. The warm feel of blood made me quickly bring my hand back. There was blood all over my hand. I looked around the room and saw a puddle of water on the floor and crawled over to it. I saw my reflection in the water and realized my forehead was bleeding. I pulled up the sleeve of my shirt and dabbed it with the cloth. I stood up and looked around the room. There was a faint light coming from further down the subway rails. I looked both ways down the rails but they looked like they hadn’t been used for years. I walked towards the light and found myself in a large subway station. There was a old telephone in the middle of the station that was ringing. There was no lights on in the station except for one, shining eerily down on the ringing phone. I walked up to the phone, answered it, and said, “Hello?”


message 20: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Also, this is only part 1 of Chapter 6))


message 21: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Thank you so much!!!!!!! :D ))


message 22: by Gem (new)

Gem ((This means so much to me, thank you!!!!! I will try to post part 2 soon! :D))


message 23: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) ((Hi Cat!! I really like it so far! Are you up for some constructive feedback?))


message 24: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Thanks so much! Some constructive criticism would be great! I always am up for ways to make my writing better!))


message 25: by Gem (new)

Gem ((Thanks! :D ))


message 26: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) ((Sorry, I'll try to post it when I can!))


message 27: by Gem (new)

Gem ((It’s okay! Take your time))


message 28: by Gem (new)

Gem I made some art of the main character so you know what she looks like: https://pin.it/Z74wKq3


message 29: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Awesome!!


message 30: by Gem (new)

Gem Thanks!


message 31: by Gem (new)

Gem Thank you so much!!!


message 32: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Cat wrote: "((The main character has the same name as me but obviously isn’t me. I hope you like my story!))

Chapter 1
I’m Cat. I’m a half octopus- half human. Also known as an octoling. This is how I had my..."


Feedback for Chapter 1:

~Nice introduction! I like how you set up the story in sort of a mysterious way. Not much to say for this chapter, but there will be more coming!


message 33: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Cat wrote: "Chapter 2
My life started in Octo Valley living with another octoling. Later I would know that my name was Catherine and the other octo was Scarlet. We grew up under the watch of many different oc..."


Chapter 2:

Only one thing to say - I think I would put the words that you put in ** maybe in an Introduction, Things to Know, or something along those lines in the beginning of the book as a separate chapter, just so it doesn't confuse readers


message 34: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Cat wrote: "Chapter 3
Our first mission and it was a tough. There had been a inkling (a half squid-person) taking Zapfish (which are fish that octolings and inklings use for electricity) from some of the unde..."


Chapter 3:

~First sentence: Instead of saying 'our first mission and it was tough,' you may want to say something like 'our first mission arrived, and it was tough.'

~There are a few edits you might want to make from punctuation and grammar, but you can fix that and revise it whenever

~One of the most important things when writing is the phrase 'show don't tell.' I feel like you were doing a bit too much telling (no offense of course) so you should look over that again and just see if you can add in some parts where you can get the reader to really feel, see what's going on

~Nice job!


message 35: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) I'm going to be posting the first chapter of something I'm writing, probably tomorrow


message 36: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Aw thanks


message 37: by Gem (new)

Gem I haven’t written much in a while, but I’m trying to finish this so here’s part 2 of chapter 6!

A voice from the other end said, “Pale summer moonlight shimmers on the seafloor. An octopus, unaware that dawn will bring capture, rests within a trap, dreaming fleeting dreams. Find the four things, make it to the light, or become one of us. Have a nice day, test subject 10,007”.
I jumped back from the phone, feeling thoroughly creeped out. What were the four things? Where were they? Actually here’s a better question, where was I? I looked around the room and heard a soft rumbling noise from further inside the building. It got louder and louder and a subway train entered the station. It stopped, the doors opened and I hesitantly stepped inside. It looked like any other subway inside of it and I sat down in a seat. Maybe this subway would take me to the four things, whatever they are.


message 38: by Gem (new)

Gem Thank you so much!!!!!!! I’m so happy that you like my writing!


message 39: by Gem (new)

Gem Even if nobody sees this post, I’m still going to ask anyways. I’ve been talking with a few people, and I was wondering, is it bad to have a crush on a fictional character? I asked my friend and she said that it’s absolutely horrible to have a crush on a fictional character and now I feel really self-conscious. Maybe this isn’t the place to ask, but I feel like people here wouldn’t judge me.


message 40: by Gem (new)

Gem Also, forgot to add this, the reason I’m asking here in this topic is because I’m thinking about basing some writing off of some problems of mine and that’s one of them.


message 41: by Ayla (new)

Ayla Greenbriar-Carstairs (the_fandom_queen) Cat wrote: "Even if nobody sees this post, I’m still going to ask anyways. I’ve been talking with a few people, and I was wondering, is it bad to have a crush on a fictional character? I asked my friend and sh..."

No that's totally normal (at least I think) lol I've had a crush on a fictional character before XD


message 42: by Gem (new)

Gem That makes me feel so much better. My friend made it sound like it was one of the worst things ever, and since I’m a very anxious person, I just wanted to make sure.


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