Beta Reader Group discussion

43 views
Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Please Help this little Blurb - Dystopian/Sci-Fi/Romance/Philosophy

Comments Showing 1-8 of 8 (8 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by Bob (last edited Sep 07, 2020 02:54PM) (new)

Bob Collopy (bobcollopy) | 16 comments Does this blurb intrigue you?

Reader feedback will be center stage during the development of this second book in the series to ensure reader interests, concerns, etc. are properly addressed in order to ensure the vision and intent of the book really shine. (It's a prequel. So reading the other book isn't needed.)

If you want to become a beta reader as this exciting new project unfolds, please message me to join in the pursuit!

Here's the Blurb so far:

Line is the last traveling salesman on earth. Dressed as a priest he parks his cruise ship into the ports of isolated towns in a world that’s finally coming back from the great “Off-lining,” caused by a big-stupid-asteroid. Line represents POD Corp, a visionary company that provides the old comforts America used to enjoy like Starbucks franchises as well as new products like PODS; 6 by 2 foot homes that provide clean air, feeding tubes, receptacles and plugs into a fun virtual world that could enslave you to POD Corp.

But this time Line must convert his estranged family and their small empire, located in the remnants of a vast Amazon Fulfillment center. The job gets tougher; his ex-girlfriend and now rival for the top open position at POD Corp, has been assigned to help convert the city.

It will take every bit of Line’s salesmanship, the Colonel’s naval marines, and the seductive Inner Circle maidens that are aboard to infiltrate and colonize his family’s empire before his ex-girlfriend does.


message 2: by A.C. (new)

A.C. | 16 comments I think there are a lot of interesting elements presented.

'the last travelling salesman' offering old style consumerism.

The POD concept is very Matrix-like (except they know they're in a virtual world)

The Amazon fulfillment center. At first read, I assumed it was the jungle, but now it seems like it's literally the remnants of one of the company's warehouses.

The 'oops' asteroid.

The colonel and the inner circle maidens sound a bit throw-in, considering we have no reference for who or what they are.

Overall, it sounds like an interesting satire, I assume?


message 3: by Bob (new)

Bob Collopy (bobcollopy) | 16 comments Wow. Thanks so much for your feedback!

Hmmmm. It does kinda sound like I threw that in...I'll see what can be done on that.


message 4: by Alex (last edited Sep 10, 2020 02:21PM) (new)

Alex | 136 comments What do you think you threw in that needs action? To clarify, I think it's fine as it is, which I also see as satire or a comic adventure.


message 5: by W.O. (new)

W.O. Torres | 4 comments I like the originality of this book idea for sure but after reading The blurb I had one big question? What is the tone of the book? Hard to tell from the blurb. If it is more on the absurd and comedy side (see - the hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy) then I’m all in, based on a couple of nuggets I gleaned, that’s what I’m hoping for but not sure. If it is a thriller, add some suspenseful sentences asking questions that the book promises.


message 6: by Bob (new)

Bob Collopy (bobcollopy) | 16 comments Alex wrote: "What do you think you threw in that needs action? To clarify, I think it's fine as it is, which I also see as satire or a comic adventure."

Not entirely sure what you mean with your question. I guess I threw in the 'asteroid hitting earth and it was totally annoying' vibe.

But yes interesting to see that people are leaning towards satire/comic adventure. I guess it kinda is! haha


message 7: by Bob (new)

Bob Collopy (bobcollopy) | 16 comments W.O. wrote: "I like the originality of this book idea for sure but after reading The blurb I had one big question? What is the tone of the book? Hard to tell from the blurb. If it is more on the absurd and come..."

Hmmm interesting comparison with hitchhikers.

I guess my style is kinda a combo of very serious, yet very comedic and light. Its' both! So it's neat that you're asking which tone it is. Guess I have to synthesize the vibes a bit more.


message 8: by Alex (last edited Sep 19, 2020 01:02PM) (new)

Alex | 136 comments Bob wrote: "Alex wrote: "What do you think you threw in that needs action? To clarify, I think it's fine as it is, which I also see as satire or a comic adventure."

Not entirely sure what you mean with your q..."


An error on my part. So you’ll be able to sleep at night, I wrote, “What do you think you threw in that needs action?” because I thought you were responding to A.C.’s closing comment “Overall, it sounds like an interesting satire, I assume?” when you wrote “Hmmmm. It does kinda sound like I threw that in... I'll see what can be done on that.”
I was championing the satirical tone and aghast that you might retreat from that. However, your response actually was to A.C.’s comment “The colonel and the inner circle maidens sound a bit throw-in, considering we have no reference for who or what they are.”
Throw out my comment.


back to top