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Coursera Reviews > Fantasy Novel, Violeta and the fire, review if you'd like

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message 1: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Logline:

Elba is a Mexican, college graduate, living in Kraków and lately, she’s been chased by the memory of her best friend Violeta, who was a known arsonist, and the scandal around her suicide, to the point that she starts to see her physically as a dragon and suspect her involvement in recent fires occurring in the polish city.

Note: This is an English translation and you can request the original draft in Spanish, I don't know why would you do that, but there it is just in case you want to read it in all it's original badness. I hope you can review my chapters and provide me link to review yours. Thank you goodbye have a nice day.

Chapter 1:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

Chapter 2:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

Chapter 3:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

Chapter 4:

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

Thank you!!


message 2: by M.L. (new)

M.L. Rodriguez | 120 comments Ana wrote: "Logline:

Elba is a Mexican, college graduate, living in Kraków and lately, she’s been chased by the memory of her best friend Violeta, who was a known arsonist, and the scandal around her suicide,..."


I just reviewed Chapter 4 but Coursera started acting funky. I don't know if it saved or not. If not let me know. I'll post them here.


message 3: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 458 comments I don't know why but this logline has me thinking along the lines of fight club.


message 4: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Andres wrote: "I don't know why but this logline has me thinking along the lines of fight club."

Interesting parallel, fight club with lesbians and Polish monsters


message 5: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz M.L. wrote: "Ana wrote: "Logline:

Elba is a Mexican, college graduate, living in Kraków and lately, she’s been chased by the memory of her best friend Violeta, who was a known arsonist, and the scandal around ..."


I have read your review, I really appreciate your comments, by now you know you are my favorite writer on the course, so I always get excited when I see you in my comments. Thank you for your grammar corrections, I really need to improve my English game.


message 6: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 458 comments Well if you remember, Brad Pitt was always an illusion. A fictional character in his mind.

So Violeta sounds like she is represented in the same manner in this logline. Where Edward Norton was creating the fight club, Elba Norton could be starting fires while subliminally imagining her dragons friend presence with her, who she believes is actually starting the fires.

Anyway, I haven't read it yet, but that's where my mind went.


message 7: by M.L. (new)

M.L. Rodriguez | 120 comments Ana wrote: "M.L. wrote: "Ana wrote: "Logline:

Elba is a Mexican, college graduate, living in Kraków and lately, she’s been chased by the memory of her best friend Violeta, who was a known arsonist, and the sc..."


Ana, did you want me to help more with the grammar side? I see ways to make your writing come off smoother and less formal but I don't want to come off looking like an English teacher.
I know it's hard to translate from Spanish to English. I wouldn't even dare to try. All the Spanish I know is from my parents and relatives. But I've been trying to learn more Spanish. Now the Duolingo bird is stalking me.


message 8: by Andres, Thaumaturge (last edited Sep 04, 2020 12:52PM) (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 458 comments You can help with my grammar side. I've been using English my entire life and I'm still horrible at it. LOL.

Ana were here to help. If you ever need a chapter edited, google.docs or word.doc just ask. I'm pretty familiar with the track edits/review pane functions in word. =D


message 9: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz M.L. wrote: "Ana wrote: "M.L. wrote: "Ana wrote: "Logline:

Elba is a Mexican, college graduate, living in Kraków and lately, she’s been chased by the memory of her best friend Violeta, who was a known arsonist..."


Yes, that would be amazing but of course I can't ask you guys to correct all my horrible grammar mistakes. I think the novel is meant to be in Spanish but translating is now part of my creative process and I would like to have two readable versions in two languages, pretty ambitious, considering I'm bad at both languages, and even worst at Polish.


message 10: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Andres wrote: "You can help with my grammar side. I've been using English my entire life and I'm still horrible at it. LOL.

Ana were here to help. If you ever need a chapter edited, google.docs or word.doc just..."


That could be actually amazing, I'm going to start writing on google docs.


message 11: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Hi Ana, made my way down to your chapter 3 today, have been leaving comments on coursera.


message 12: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Hi Ana, chapter four has my latest review, do check any of my chapters when you have time.

It is looking great so far, hope you have chapter 5 ideas already?


message 13: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 458 comments I reviewed your first chapter!


message 14: by Liavali (new)

Liavali | 237 comments Really enjoying this story!! :-)


message 15: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Liavali wrote: "Really enjoying this story!! :-)"

Wow, thank you, I hope I manage to write something today


message 16: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Andres wrote: "I reviewed your first chapter!"

Yay, thanks, I'll give you more reviews AS A REWARD.


message 17: by Andres, Thaumaturge (new)

Andres Rodriguez (aroddamonster) | 458 comments For some reason I'm imagining a deep Ursela laugh (the little mermaid) after that sentence.

Or even Jafar. Your reward. Your eternal Reward...


message 18: by Ana (new)

Ana Rmz Hey, Hello, I finally finished chapter 5. Review if you'd like:
https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...



The google drive document, anyone can comment.

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...


message 19: by M.L. (new)

M.L. Rodriguez | 120 comments I just tried to give you feedback on Coursera but it gave me an error message so I am posting it here.

"El-va-a-morir" that's brilliant.

Is the book "Ice Heaven" or "Ice Haven?" Or did you change it because you didn't want them to send lawyers after you? I don't think they'd try to sue you if you used the real name of the book.

I think every writer used to read books under the covers at night when they were a kid.

Taking shots of sugar with a coffee chaser is a funny little quirk. I did the same with beer and beer and root beer when I was an amateur drinker.

Nice trippy little dream sequence. When she wakes up I would write "I sit (up) on the mattress as if I have been lifted by springs."

I like the hint that the dragon and Violeta are connect by the familiar blue light in their eyes.

I like the ending, the man is burning but it's understated. But I would include seeing a lighter flicker or something so that the reader is certain that the man set himself on fire.

Good work, keep writing.


message 20: by Arlu (new)

Arlu Bautista | 90 comments Hi Ana, I've sent some feedback on your chapter 5. Story's looking good. I might check the previous chapters later on.

Anyway, if you have time, would you please review my chapter 5? Thank you and happy reading!

https://www.coursera.org/learn/write-...

For a smoother reading experience (cuz I refined it a bit than the one in Coursera), the Drive link is here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1wNl3...


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