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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Query for fantasy romance adventure

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message 1: by M. R. (new)

M. R. Wagner (mrwagner) | 28 comments Here's my query for my latest book. It is not personalized but will be when I start submitting it. Any critique would be appreciated.

What if a goddess was born in the twenty years before WW2? How would she impact the war? Would she stay out of it or get involved? That is the situation our main character, Dominique Vert, finds herself in.
You’d think a person would feel lucky to be born one of the three goddesses on Earth, but Dominique wouldn’t agree. She was born with amazing powers, but bodiless, forced to inhabit the body of a child born stillborn that same night elsewhere in the family mansion. This body, Vietnamese in nature, leaves her with self-esteem issues, for she is culturally French but Vietnamese physically. Some revere her; others despise her for her racial nature. Dominique wants to ignore the racism and growing war tensions to live a storybook life with her beau, the Crown Prince of Poland.
There is a more physical conflict to the tale. Dominique had two “sisters,” Claudia and Wilhelmina. Claudia, her best friend in the world, died mysteriously in battle, and Wilhelmina, her German counterpart, wants Germany to come out on top in the new World War. Thus, the two sisters, once friends, are now bitter enemies. And neither know of the mad Russian general who has plans for both of them, and the success of those plans could make him the master of the world.
It’s possible that the only thing that can save them in the end, is lesbian love.

G.E. Goddess Era is an adult fantasy romance novel with sci-fi and adventure elements. The word count is 100,000 and the page count is 399. There are more epic clashes in those nearly 400 pages than most books with a thousand.

I was born in Buffalo New York in 1987. A Roma fortuneteller told my mother that someday, everyone would know my name. I grew up working at a flea market where I met a lot of diverse and interesting people. I have self-published a number of successful books on the Kindle in both first and third person. My latest book is “Preppers in the Second American Civil War”. My most successful book was “The Jackboot War: 1946 to 1949”.
Perhaps this book could find a home with Baen Publishing, which published two writers I am fond of, Robert Conroy and GRR Martin. The book was inspired by Robert Conroy’s alternative history books, which were very concise but filled with many small details. Lord of the Rings, with its background tip of the iceberg world building was also an inspiration.
I’ve done a lot of research into WW2 for this and other projects. That era has always been dear to my heart and I like to talk about the obscure parts of the war in particular, China, the Russian Front, Italy, the Balkans.

I thank you for considering my work.

message 2: by L.C. (last edited Aug 22, 2020 05:20PM) (new)

L.C. Perry | 45 comments Well first off, this letter is wayyyy too long. You'll need to at least cut it by half. Agents spend very little time on each letter so you want to capture their interest as soon as possible.

There's just too much going on with the description of your story. So much detail can be left out. Make sure it's clear and to the point: a goddess was born 20 yrs before WW2 and has been reborn as a Vietnamese woman. While growing up, she has to deal with racism and growing war tensions despite wanting to live a peaceful life with her prince.

Saying "there is more physical conflict in the story" is not necessary. Find a way to incorporate it naturally in the letter. Also, ending it with "lesbian love" is...not good. Don't describe it this way. Find a way to describe how they will have to choose between their countries and their love for each other.

Don't mention page count; the word count is all you need. Saying "there's more epic clashes those nearly 400 pages than most books with a thousand" makes you sound arrogant and that will turn off a lot of agents. It also doesn't look good to shame other books.

Also, take out the part about Baen Publishing. It won't help telling an agent where to send your book through a query letter. That can also turn them off.

There's a lot in your biography that you can just cut out. For example, you don't need the fortuneteller part or your thoughts on Conroy's work and Lord of the Rings.

Hope this helps!

message 3: by M. R. (new)

M. R. Wagner (mrwagner) | 28 comments Thank you for your input.

message 4: by Scott (new)

Scott | 100 comments I have to say that LC’s comments are 100% spot on. I’m glad I read them because I would have repeated everything mentioned above.

I would only add that success can be viewed in many ways. Unless you’re getting rich from your book sales or they rank crazy high in the bookseller rankings, you probably shouldn’t mention them.

Best of luck to you!

message 5: by M. R. (new)

M. R. Wagner (mrwagner) | 28 comments Thanks, enjoy your day.

message 6: by Rae (new)

Rae Metters | 22 comments I agree with L.C, but also never include rhetorical questions in your query. Its a big fat no-no.

message 7: by M. R. (new)

M. R. Wagner (mrwagner) | 28 comments Thanks, I learn new things every day.

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