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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb for YA Fantasy

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message 1: by Molly (new)

Molly Stegall (mollystegall) | 193 comments Hello, I have two blurbs (one is more detailed and the other is shorter) and I was wondering which one works best as well as how to improve it. Thanks!

(1)
In the land of Fantacia, there are Five Kingdoms that rule over all, each having its own species: Farian, Monstro, Mundus, Shifter, and Telik. The Kingdoms are constantly at odds and have been on the brink of war for years. That threat becomes a reality when the Monstro King issues an ultimatum: side with him or go to war.

Hoping to prevent war and take down the worst of the Kingdoms - the Monstro, Mundus, and Shifter - is Raven, a Mundus that has three-fourths of her body burned and has a knack for throwing knives. Richard, a Farian with wings as dark as the night and an unmatched skillset with a sword. Colt, a Shifter with two different colored eyes who kills with more speed and accuracy than comprehendible.

Just when the plan begins to take effect, Raven runs into the entity of Death. Surprisingly, he wants Raven to succeed, but he'll make sure she'll suffer along the way. He forces the group into the Mundus Kingdom, a place Raven never wanted to see again unless it was nothing but ash. There, the group's secrets and pasts begin to slowly rise to the surface, threatening their plans. However, they still have one goal - revenge.

(2)
Teliks
Shifters
Mudnus'
Monstros
Farians
Five species.
Five Kingdoms.
All on the brink of war between one another, especially with the Monstro King's ultimatum of war or alliance.
Hoping to end the war before it starts is Raven, a badly burned Mundus with fingers meant to hold a dagger; Colt, a Shifter with a skill for killing; and Richard, a Farian with an unmatched skillset with strategy and a sword.
All three are driven by one thing: revenge.


message 2: by Christian (new)

Christian | 10 comments Hi Molly!

I liked both blurbs, so I tried to do a combo. What do you think about this?

Teliks
Shifters
Mudnus'
Monstros
Farians
Five species.
Five Kingdoms.
All on the brink of war, especially as the Monstro King issues an ultimatum - side with him or prepare to fight for your life.
Hoping to end the war before it starts is Raven, a badly burned Mundus with fingers meant to hold a dagger; Colt, a Shifter with alluring eyes and a thirst for blood; and Richard, a Farian with wings draped in shadows and swordplay just as menacing.
All three are driven by one thing: revenge.


message 3: by Molly (new)

Molly Stegall (mollystegall) | 193 comments Christian wrote: "Hi Molly!

I liked both blurbs, so I tried to do a combo. What do you think about this?

Teliks
Shifters
Mudnus'
Monstros
Farians
Five species.
Five Kingdoms.
All on the brink of war, especially as..."


That's actually a good idea!! Thank you!


message 4: by Christian (new)

Christian | 10 comments Glad to help!


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