Help with writing a blurb

[Prabal]

Hello,

I am trying to write blurb for my 87,000 YA Fantasy, but am not sure if my blurb has too little information or just to plain uninteresting. Could anyone please take a look at my blurb below and give me some pointers:

While there are rumors of the sun loosing its potency, the oblivious and self-involved counts of Glendoria conspire to overthrow the King. When the ripples of the coming war reach one of the border villages, an impoverished boy named Kenneth finds himself caught in the middle of an open rebellion. He learns to use Xin—the very life-force that keeps us alive, but he is an amateur and only a boy while Lord Runon, brother to the count of Welkins, is a legendary Xin Knight who is bent on destroying everything Kenneth has ever known.

Thanks in Advance!
PDB
prabal86.biswas@gmail.com

[G.R.]

Hi, Prabal,

I think the issue is there are too many broad statements with not enough specific information to draw the reader in. First, what does it mean that the sun is losing its potency? How does this impact the plot? Is it critical to the story? If so, you need to convey it to the reader.

Some of the other sentences just need polish. For example, you don't need the phrase "and only a boy" because you just said he was a boy in the previous sentence. Another example, you don't need to say "when ripples of the coming war reach one of the border villages" if you can say "when war reaches his village, an impoverished boy...."

[Prabal]

Thanks for the pointers G.R.!! They are very much appreciated. :)

Regards,
PDB

[Alex]

As G.R. noted, the bit about the sun doesn't mean much. I would start with a statement about Kenneth: "Kenneth, an impoverished boy in the kingdom of (wherever), gets caught in a rebellion against (describe the king) by (something about the counts--(evil, or?). Believing the king is good, Kenneth (then bring in XIn). Finish with "But his efforts are opposed by (Lord Runon info).

[Prabal]

Thank you so much Alex!!