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Journals : J-L > kindness could save my life

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message 1: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments hi !! here i will post every other day what happens to me in the daily, what i do with my friends, my thoughts about everything and such things ! feel free to comment whenever you like, i love making friends :)

message 2: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments story time #1 :

yesterday evening i was reading a book in a hammock in my backyard and everything was going so great. all of a sudden, a raccoon came running at me SO FAST that my first thought was "i'll be damned, he's gonna jump on my hammock" and i ran as fast as usain bolt to get to my house since i was so scared

got out fine and overreacted a bit

message 3: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments today i had such a blatant lack of energy that i woke up, tried to read, but ended up rereading the same sentence over and over so i gave up and did nothing. now it's 8 and i'm going to sleep

message 4: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments ordered a book from a local library a month ago, there were many delays with the shipping, finally got it and it’s not even the correct book.

they just sent the wrong book

and now i am sad because i spent a month looking forward to receiving and reading my book and can’t for at least another month since they need to resend it to me or something

i wanna cry now :(

message 5: by bertille (last edited May 25, 2020 06:16PM) (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments i just want to hand write letters to someone
to send a post card to a friend across the world

i want to tell that girl that her hair is gorgeous
or that guy that his smile is beautiful

i want to make someone feel like they are worth it
to let them know i care

i want to go to a coffee shop to read a book
just because i can

i want to wake up a 4am to watch the sunrise
sitting on top of my car with soft music

i want to paint while drunk just to try it
and hang that painting in my room

i want to road trip alone or with a friend
to visit some place i've never been

i want to be so happy that my eyes will cry tears of joy
and laugh until my stomach hurts

and i really hope that you do too
because everyone deserves to be happy like that

message 6: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments story time #2 :

oh god
this morning i woke up around 6 and i went for a walk in my neighborhood to stretch a bit. i saw a man sitting and reading. he looked up at me when i was passing by, myself having a book in hand, and asked how my day was going. i then answered "i’m doing great, a bit tired but i plan to go running later so it’ll even itself out, wbu ?"
he looked at me very confused and i then understood that he had said "how is your reading going" and i had just shared my day with this man that was just trying to be nice

message 7: by tonia (new)

tonia | 51 comments bertille wrote: "i just want to hand write letters to someone
to send a post card to a friend across the world

i want to tell that girl that her hair is gorgeous
or that guy that his smile is beautiful

i want t..."

you're so sweet

message 8: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments violet wrote: "you're so sweet"

aww, thank you ✨

message 9: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments it is currently 18:20 and i just woke up from a 1h unplanned nap, phone in hand, glasses and lights on, confused as heck

message 10: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments you know what, it's alright if, sometimes, you feel like a lesser version of yourself. every great book starts with a draft... just not let it define who you want to be

message 11: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments when i was 15, i spent 3 months in Germany to learn german (which i didn't but that's another story). the family i was staying with had a 14 yo boy and a 16 yo girl. i was right in the middle, but quickly became friends with the boy and his friends, never really talked much with the girl.

the first week i was there, the mom apologized for her daughter, said she "hadn't been herself for weeks because she and her best friend were not talking anymore." i remember saying that it was okay, that i understood.

a month in, i walked in on the girl crying in the bathroom. i was very embarrassed and quickly apologized, but the girl didn't seem to mind my presence. she asked me to help her up and to her room, so i did, and i remember just sitting on her bed while she quietly sobbed on her floor, not knowing what to do. i asked her if she wanted me to leave, since we weren't exactly friends, but she told me to stay.

it was an hour after we came in the room that she started talking. she told me about that time, two months prior, when she and her best friend were hiking to a spot where they would camp for the night. she told me how happy they both were, and i remember having never seen someone looking that sad in my fifteen years of life. she said that everything was going great all night, and the next morning they started packing their things to go home.

while i was expecting a bad fight on the way home that would explain them not talking, she proceeded to tell me how her best friend started acting weird, not answering with complete sentences but with random words. her friend then started convulsing at the wheel, while trying to pull the car to the side of the road. when they finally stopped, the friend opened the door and fell on the ground, not moving. just like that, she had a heart attack at 17 and died.

when the mother told me that her daughter had stopped talking to her best friend, i had no idea it was because she had passed away... and later found out that the mom didn't know either.

and idk, i often think about this girl, just 16, with pure fear in her eyes while she opened up to me about that traumatic event

message 12: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments just started to read Infinite Jest again. first time i started it was on the plane Canada to Iceland last august, and i read it every night on my trip there. never actually finished it, because it's kind of a difficult book and, when i got back from the trip, school started, i returned to work, and life got in the way. this time, i'm finishing it !

Infinite Jest by David Foster Wallace

message 13: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments so i have that weird thing that, whenever i go to sleep, could be 9pm or 3am, i always wake up somewhere between 5 and 7 and can't go back to sleep... it's currently 6:45 and i already worked out and read 75 pages of a book.

living today with 4h of sleep i guess

message 14: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments story time #3 :

something crazy just happened

i was hanging out with my best friend (nighttime) when it started to rain pretty badly. we ran to the car, got in and started driving around. after a while, we passed a very old building that had one door WIDE open. we turned the car around and drove slowly past that door to see if we could see inside the building, when we heard a very loud scream coming from inside, and a loud bang. obviously very scared, we didn't want to have a death on our conscience if we could have done something, so we grabbed a shovel from the car and a long stick from the parking lot before entering. inside was a very large room with barely anything in it, except a high number of doors on the walls, all with different shapes and colors (kind of like that one place from Monsters inc... no ? anyone ?) we heard a loud bang again and narrowed down the number of doors to 3, and we began with the first.

in the first door, we found some equipment that could belong to an 80s' gym, and the back wall was tore down, making place from a crawling space, and there was a light on the other side of it. we crawled, and arrived in another room where 2 chairs were facing each other, with some kind of desk against one wall and a frame on the floor. on one wall, there was a door that opened to a wall.

in the second door, it seemed like everything was redecorated to be sold as an apartment; the walls were freshly painted, there was plastic to protect the floor, and the paintbrushes/paint were still laid out on the floor, with a strong scent of chemical ingredients. there were stairs, which we climbed, and it opened up to some kind of inside balcony, from which we could see the large room with a lot of doors. from there, we observed that on the other side a door was open, which we hadn't see before.

in the third door, there was a broken toilet, not connected to anything, just in the middle of the room. there was also a woman's coat, that seemed to have been left recently, since everything was covered in dust except that piece of clothing. at that time, we heard another scream, kind of muffled, coming from the open door on the other side of the room. in this third door, there were stairs going down, but we didn't go.

in the door across the room, there was an old radio, with no dust on it, playing very soft music, barely audible. there seemed to have been a fight or something, because there were large spots with no dust on the floor, when our shoes barely left a trace. we heard someone crying from the other side of what we thought was a window with curtains, but really was a shower curtain being the separation between two rooms. when we arrived in the other room, a squirrel came running past us, visibly scared, and no one else was there. we didn't find any other doors in that room, nor did we find crawling spaces.

at that time, it was like 11:30pm, we figured it was best to just go away. we listened for a while for screams or cries, but nothing weird happened. when we were crossing the large room with the doors, we heard someone laugh quietly right behind us, but we saw no one. we were pretty much in the middle of the room, and we didn't understand how the laugh could be so quiet and come from one of those doors.

so we have 2 possible explanations :
1. we have entered a haunted building, where some spirit decided to mess with us and scare us (it worked, Casper.)
2. some kid found it very funny to mess with our good and helping hearts and was running around that building quite quietly

as for the laugh, it seemed so close to us that we think it came from the basement, where the floor/ceiling combination could have been thin, so we heard it like it was behind us (remember, in door 3 we found some stairs going down)

i am now very much not ready to ever sleep, since my brain can't make sense of what happened and i'm pretty much terrified. i do plan on going back there with my friend, DURING THE DAY, to explore the other doors and take pictures, but tonight we were so sure that we were about to stop a murder that we left our cellphones in the car (yes, we are those dumb girls in horror movies that do everything wrong and die in the first 30 mins of the story)

message 15: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments i am SO scared, i've passed in front of this building 2500 times and never once figured it was abandoned. i wonder how many deserted places we could find if we just took the time to look around ??

message 16: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments woke up this morning just feeling so grateful. i am a white girl, living in Canada in a pretty and peaceful city with my parents that provide for me and let me do what i want (mostly), i have a part time job that i love, great friends that care.

woke up this morning, walked from my bedroom, which i don't have to share with siblings, to my nespresso machine, that i bought with my own money since i don't have to help my parents pay the bills, and now am on my own computer, which i also bought.

woke up this morning so grateful to have been living all my life as a privileged kid, and not one day is passing by where i don't feel grateful for this. my luck could change and i have no right taking that for granted

message 17: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments i don't get the weather. last week we were dying bc it was 40 celsius and this week we are freezing with -5 to 8 celsius

message 18: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments story time #4 :

sooo i almost died on the highway today

i wasn't going especially fast, there weren't that many people, and i had a tank full of gas. but suddenly, i heard a loud noise and my car started going to my right (i was on the right lane and there was a forest besides me), while my whole car was leaning on the right. i tried to stop the car but idk, my breaks were sleeping or something because it took a loooong time for the car to stop and i almost hit many trees.

long story short i got a flat tire and waited on the side of the road for an hour and a half

message 19: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments i'm planning on spending the entire afternoon (currently 11:25am) baking desserts for my friends because we have a small gathering tonight and i am in charge of the dessert !

since i could not choose, i'm doing small portions of everything, and i'm sure my family will be on board with me baking since i won't bring everything over to my friend's and they will have the leftovers lol

message 20: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments soooo i failed a class at 57% (60 needed to pass) and i'm pretty sure i could have passed if i had another teacher. i worked my ass off for this class, i didn't study once in all my other classes of the semester to have more time for this class, i always asked questions, never ditched a class, and i had bad grades all semester. for one project, i compared my work with one of my friend's before sending it in and we had mostly the same answers, i even thought that i explained more and used a more precise vocabulary than her. but guess not, since i had 65 and she had 81.

i don't want to say that i got bad grades because he didn't like me (because there's always a chance that i'm just not a biology type of woman and actually failed) but i find it very odd that this friend always had better grades than me when i was the one always helping her out, answering her questions, proofreading her work and everything.

so now all my university cursus is fucked up bc the class that i failed was necessary for me to have my diploma (not necessary to my program, just for the diploma) and i'm very bothered

message 21: by bertille (last edited Jun 03, 2020 06:56AM) (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments story time # 5 :

a drunk person is so much like a small child, sometimes it freaks me out...

yesterday i went to a party with my close group of friends, and one of us is "the alcoholic" of us 5, every time she drinks the most. yesterday was not an exception, she was so drunk that she started a friendly fight with a male friend, who is much bigger than her, and ended up falling on the ground, with skinned hands, skinned elbows and a skinned knee. of course, being the mom of the group, i told her to follow me inside the house so we could wash off all the dirt in her scratches.

- no, i'm fine, it's nothing and i don't want to go, she told me
- come on, the sooner you follow me the sooner you can get back here to the party, i replied
- NO, i want to stay here, you can't force me ! she said
- alright, that's fine we won't clean you up, but come inside now we are going to pee ! i answered, knowing very well that a drunk girl always has to pee

and i was right, she followed me right up, and as soon as we were in the bathroom, she started crying, saying that "she was hurt" and i was like yup i know baby come clean yourself up

this girl has been my friend for the last 11 years and it's always the same thing with her

message 22: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments so i'm starting to seriously think that i'm bisexual ?? but i really am not sure ?? it's not a big deal, i told my friends that i was questioning myself about that and they were supportive, and my mom's mom (my grandma) is a lesbian, married to a woman, so i think every one will be fine with me being bi lol

just don't want to tell every one before i'm sure

message 23: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments y'all i really wanna go on a road trip all summer and only get back for school

message 24: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments you know, i don't mind sleeping in my car and eating like shit for 2-3 months.... and i'll clean up whenever i'll go to the beach or to swimming pools, i won't be gross all summer don't worry

message 25: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments might go with a friend, less lonely that way ya know

message 26: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments started watching "killing eve" (tv show if you didn't know) yesterday because tiktok told me to, and i'm so hooked, why has no one ever talked to me about it ?!

message 27: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments okay i don't know if you guys know about those, but i started taking caffeine pills about two years ago, just when i really need them (basically does the same stuff that drinking a coffee would, same amount of caffeine, but in the pill there's only caffeine whereas in a cup of joe there are some other things so it's not really better or worse)

and honestly they are life savers

message 28: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments i finished the two first seasons of killing eve and i love this show so much i think it might be my favorite show

message 29: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments sooo just spent 20 minutes arguing with a random guy that told me "you're not bisexual, you are just afraid of making choices. just choose, it's not that hard..."

well i'm sorry boo but it really doesn't work that way 🥴

it's like telling someone who has a deadly disease to "just get better"

message 30: by bertille (new)

bertille m (bertmarthou) | 41 comments sent the boldest of texts to my male best friend (whom i have liked for the past two years, but told him a year ago that i was happy we were just friends) and he kinda went on with it but he was very drunk so i sent him an out, something like “we can blame this on the alcohol if you feel like i but i meant everything” (he knew that i had also been drinking, but i did mean everything) and i am so stressed about what his answer will be that i can’t sleep, it’s 4am and i need to wake up at 6:30am lol

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