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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb / Psychological Thriller

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message 1: by Aviv (new)

Aviv Shener (ashener) | 19 comments What would you do to protect your sanity?

Matt Evens was enjoying college life when his father unexpectedly died. Consumed by guilt for ignoring the warning signs, Matt tries to save the family business by taking out a risky loan. When the deal falls through, Matt is offered a way out; help a scientist with his secret projects and don’t ask any questions.

As Matt spends time in Albert’s lab, he discovers how unorthodox the scientist methods truly are. Trying to reason his way out of the deal results in a crooked cop being hired to keep an eye on things, in any way possible. To save himself and protect his loved ones, Matt will find himself pushed onto a dark path of vengeance that will forever alter his life.

Both captivating and compelling, Down the Rabbit Hole pushes the envelope of modern thrillers by fearlessly exploring psychological manipulation and its toll on the human spirit.


message 2: by Tamara (new)

Tamara | 34 comments Hi Aviv

I really like the idea! your blurb shows the inner and outer conflict of Matt and that's compelling. Your second paragraph is also good, it presents obstacles that get in the way of Matt and that's awesome.

the one thing I would be worried about, however, is the last paragraph, you don't want to show the agent that you're putting your story above typical thrillers because then they will assume you are arrogant (to which I'm positive that you're not)

You could describe your story without the need to say that it pushes the envelope or anything like that (although that sentence is pretty creative haha)

Hope this helps, good luck!

Tamara


message 3: by Diana (new)

Diana Hockley (cadfael) | 65 comments Matt, I forgot to mention in my reply just now, that you can get the first 20 pages of your manuscript assessed by a professional editor through www.boonahwritesfestival.org.au in our special deal for $70.

We had to cancel our Festival and this program is in lieu of the event. Anyone can enter - it's been posted on FB - but it closes on the 31st May. The editor is Lynne Stringer, Manuscript Assessor and Editor and also an author in her own right. Just a thought!

Diana Hockley
cadfael88@gmail.com


message 4: by Aviv (new)

Aviv Shener (ashener) | 19 comments Tamara wrote: "Hi Aviv

I really like the idea! your blurb shows the inner and outer conflict of Matt and that's compelling. Your second paragraph is also good, it presents obstacles that get in the way of Matt a..."


Thank you!
The last part is not something I'll be sending to agents :)
It's what I would put in the book in case I'll self-publish.

For agents I'm finishing the blurb part with this:
DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE should appeal to fans of Gillian Flynn and readers who seek to step out of their comfort zone.


message 5: by Tamara (new)

Tamara | 34 comments Aviv wrote: "Tamara wrote: "Hi Aviv

I really like the idea! your blurb shows the inner and outer conflict of Matt and that's compelling. Your second paragraph is also good, it presents obstacles that get in th..."


Ah ok, thought you'd be sending that one along with the query letters you were intending to send to agents. whoops haha

"DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE should appeal to fans of Gillian Flynn and readers who seek to step out of their comfort zone"

Yes, much better, short and straight to the point, I like it.

Good luck querying!
Tamara


message 6: by Leah (new)

Leah Turner (12signholders) | 43 comments Hi Aviv,

I really like the concept of your book. And you have a very strong opening line. I am curious about what the family business is? Also in the second paragraph, you mention him being on a path of vengeance, but against who? Albert the mad scientist? Or against the person who killed his father? You don't explicitly say someone killed his father; I'm just assuming, but this would make sense for Matt to be vindictive. And one more question, like I mentioned your opening line is powerful, so powerful, I thought you were going to tell us how Matt's sanity was tested. Does Albert give him psychedelic drugs? Is this why Matt wants revenge?

I hope this helps. Also, I'd love it if you took a look at my blurb (in the same discussion link) and let me know your thoughts.

Regards,

Leah


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