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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Query help - Dark Fantasy

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message 1: by Tamara (new)

Tamara | 34 comments This is my second round in this, I've tried to polish the query letter and blurb as much as I could and would love your opinions on it

Dear [AGENT],

RISING SHADOWS is a dark fantasy novel (143,000 words) set in a world that combines the dark and gritty aesthetic of the Victorian Era and the inspirational cultures of Africa and the Middle-East.

In the late summer of 1886, Elyot Valogne was resurrected on the same night he was murdered.
A nameless affliction had taken hold of him on the night he came back, and ever since, Elyot has been struggling to make sense of what was causing his body to grow weaker.
And his mind to see things that weren’t there.
Choosing not to trust in the pseudo treatment of doctors, Elyot sets out to find the answer by himself.
He was expecting to be met with hardships and frustration.
But never attempts on his life.
Witches and the descendants of demons known as Black Bloods have begun to chase him down because of his curiosity. Their knowledge about his family’s buried history unnerved him in more ways than one, and their intentions to kill him for his relation to their own plans were certainly not a burden he was willing to bear.
His life threatened by both his illness and the looming danger of assassins, Elyot must try to uncover the truth behind the unexpected connection of the two. Or die in the hands of one.

I was born in Amman, Jordan, and graduated from the University of North Carolina at Charlotte with a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. Since my book is a mix of cultures, I’ve drawn inspirations from my own Arabic origins and pretty much enjoyed blending it into this work of fiction along with other captivating cultures.

Thank you for your time and consideration

Tamara Saadeh


message 2: by Annie (new)

Annie Turner | 3 comments Hi Tamara!

What a cool idea! I love the idea of blending cultures and time periods, and you seem to already have a firm grasp on the setting.

I think the biggest issue I noticed was the flow of the summary. I'm still not positive if the events of the book happen before Elyot dies and is resurrected or if he dies because of said events.

I like hour paragraph dedicated to yourself! Short and to the point, and excellently put together!

Thank you for sharing!
Annie


message 3: by Tamara (new)

Tamara | 34 comments Hi Annie

Thank you so much for the feedback!

The events of the book actually happen when Elyot the main character comes back to life so everything that happens is a consequence of that

And yes, I've always loved to blend cultures together, especially Arabic culture since I'm from the Middle East haha

Thank you again for your comment! XD
Best,
Tamara


message 4: by Leah (new)

Leah Turner (12signholders) | 43 comments Hi Annie,

This is a pretty good query. I loved the opening. Right away you gave us the title, the word count, and what the story was about. This is fantastic. I also loved the first line of your blurb, "In the late summer of 1886, Elyot Valogne was resurrected on the same night he was murdered." This is perfect. You've given us the time frame, the main character, and the conflict.

There was only one line I truly stumbled over and that was, "Their knowledge about his family’s buried history unnerved him in more ways than one, and their intentions to kill him for his relation to their own plans were certainly not a burden he was willing to bear." It's really the second part that I didn't quite understand. When did Elyot decide to relate against the Black Bloods plans? I feel like you kind of skipped over this part. And what is he relating against?

Hope this helps. I would love it if you could take a look at my blurb (in the same discussion board) and let me know what you think.

Regards,

Leah


message 5: by Tamara (new)

Tamara | 34 comments Hi Leah,

Thank you so much for your feedback!

Yes, that second sentence is kind of effy, I only noticed after reading it a hundred times haha thank you for pointing it out!

I'd love to read your query, keep a lookout for my reply!

Best,
Tamara


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