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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb help - Parnanormal Angel Romance

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message 1: by K.J. (new)

K.J. Padgett | 5 comments I self pub paranormal romance books and I'm trying to get my blurb catchy enough to promote sales on amazon. If you have any suggestions, I'd like to hear them. :) Thanks


Want to know what’s tougher than surviving in Hell? Surviving in Heaven. So I’m pretty much the toughest bitch around.

Archangel Azria is out to reap the soul of one of the biggest monsters walking earth. She’s had her eyes set on this one for months, and if she can take him down, she’ll be promoted to Angel of Death.

Only one problem. There’s a particularly vicious hellhound on the same case.

They’re on totally opposite ends of the spectrum, yet working toward the same goal. End the life of the monster in exchange for a life-changing reward. Even Hell knows that rapists and child molesters have no place amongst the living.

Can a Bitch-Queen from Heaven out-will a snarling, devilishly handsome hound from hell? Or will they rip each other’s throats out in the process?


message 2: by Yasmeen (new)

Yasmeen (ya_author) | 2 comments Hi! This sounds cool! The beginning is great but the second half after mentioning the hellhound needs work. Killing a monster for personal gain seems like a fair trade but it sounds almost like a dilemma. The last paragraph is probably the only one that is confusing. If you’re willing I’m also looking for feedback on my blur and synopsis?


message 3: by K.J. (new)

K.J. Padgett | 5 comments Thank you, Yasmeen. I completely understand where you're coming from. Here's my second attempt. Does this clear up the latter half of the blurb? Also, where can I find your blurb to leave feedback?


Blurb #2:

Want to know what’s tougher than surviving in Hell? Surviving in Heaven. So I’m pretty much the toughest bitch around.

Archangel Azria is out to reap the soul of one of the most monstrous men walking earth. She’s had her eyes set on this guy for months, and if she can take him down, she’ll be promoted to Angel of Death.

Only one problem. There’s a particularly vicious hell hound on the same case.

They’re on totally opposite ends of the spectrum, yet working toward the same goal. End the life of the monster in exchange for an irresistible reward. Azria needs this promotion, but the hell hound is fighting for his very freedom.

There's a part of Azria that almost wants to help him... But if Hell wins this round, they'll turn her target into a grade-A demon, and that's the last thing she needs running loose in the human realm.

Can a Bitch-Queen from Heaven out-will a snarling, devilishly handsome hound from hell? Or will they rip each other’s throats out in the process?


message 4: by Scott (new)

Scott | 79 comments Hi KJ,
Upfront I'll say I don't read romance so paranormal romance is definitely outside my wheelhouse. But trying to look at this objectively, I wonder why Heaven is tough and what makes her the toughest bitch around? Then the bigger point, why is there a bitch-queen in Heaven to begin with?

If this is important to the story, it may need some more support. Based on what I'm reading, it doesn't seem important and it makes me think it is there solely for shock value. That sort of turns me off from the story. (Not the language or the idea of it, just thinking that it's only hype.)

At first, I thought, "they're on totally different ends of the spectrum," referred to the MC and the target. Consider moving that sentence to the end of the paragraph so that it is after, "for his very freedom." Then it more clearly refers to the hellhound.

Good luck!


message 5: by Leah (new)

Leah Turner (12signholders) | 43 comments Hi KJ,

I enjoy paranormal romance a LOT and I think you have a really great concept. The opening line if very catching. I literally said out loud, "Ooooh." However, like Scott mentioned, I thought you were going to tell us how surviving heaven was tougher than surviving hell.

Also, this could jut be me, but when you say Archangel Azria is the toughest bitch around, my first thought was would an angel refer to herself as a bitch?

You have a strong goal and conflict. Azria has to take down the bad man to be the angel of death, but a hellhound is trying to do the same thing. This is fantastic and makes me want to read your story.

I like you ending much better in your second blurb. At first I was going to say, where is the romance hahaha. You didn't mention it the first time, but the second time you lead into this nicely.

I hope this helps. I would love it if you could look at my blurb (also in the same discussion thread) and let me know what you think.

Regards,

Leah


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