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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb Review - Urban Fantasy

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message 1: by Annie (new)

Annie Turner | 3 comments Pitch: a young witch teetering on self-discovery amidst new love and a doppelgänger out for his blood.

Blurb: August Barber is a loser. At least according to his sister. According to his mother he’s a charmer. To his father, he’s a monster.

August isn’t sure what he is according to himself.

It isn’t his fault he was born a witch. It’s not his fault he prefers the company of a talking plant to most people, and it definitely isn’t his fault he just saved the new kid at school.

Now juggling the near-impossible tasks of surviving high school, falling in love and avoiding death-by-doppelgänger, Gus faces a choice which could reveal just who he is as well as the terrifying potential he holds.

It can’t be all that bad though, right? Most people only have to kill their demons once.

It’s just a shame Gus isn’t most people.


Please let me know what you think! I've never written a blurb before, but as of right now my main focus is setting the mood as well as making it interesting. Any and all feedback is appreciated.

Thank you!
Annie


message 2: by Leah (new)

Leah Turner (12signholders) | 43 comments Hi Annie,

You did really well for your first time! I really liked your opening line. I even laughed out loud. So just a couple of pointers.

1) Combine more of your sentences. You really want your blurb to be 2-3 paragraphs at most.

2) You need to actually tell us August's conflict. You just say he faces a choice, but this is too vague. You have to tell us what the choice is. Any agent will want to know this when reading your blurb.

3) You say most people only have to kill demons once? I actually, don't know anyone who's had to kill a demon LOL, and let's say the demons are metaphorical, there are people who struggle with overcoming their demons daily and so it would seem they do have to kill them more than once.

4) Your last line, "It's a shame Gus isn't most people." You should mention earlier, like in the first line that Gus is short for August.

I hope that helps. I would love it if you took a look at my blurb and let me know what you think.

Regards,

Leah


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