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Ch. 34 > Reviews

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message 1: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?

message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) WHOO, LAST CHAPTER!!!

ummm, what sort of plan do they have? What kind of people rush inside a base without any plans??!!!

It never explained the thing with the jewels, how did their powers get converted into jewels? Scratch that, WHERE DID THEIR POWERS EVEN COME FROM???? It never explains them, and how the evil organization knew about them.

And how where they able to sneak in so easily? Honestly, those guys need better security XD

"“Here!” Jonah offers me a sharp piece of glass. Perfect! I saw at a yellow wire," um, is she somehow invincable to the sharp glass? Wouldn't she get cut?

"The machine spits out smoke and I smile as all the jewels slowly fade away." JEWELS FADE AWAY?!! how...? and that was a bit too convenient in my opinion.

'“How did you know it was the yellow wire?” Jonah whispers.
“When we snuck in here a couple days ago with…Sam, he cut the yellow wire to open the tunnel.”' That's...not how it works. Those are two different machines with two different functions, just because the wires are the same color doesn't mean yellow is a universal color for "If cut, it disables this whole machine from working!"

okay, she keeps saying "the leader". does she mean the wolf guy, because I'm getting no physical description and I'm very confused.

Why do they all have knives? Do none of the men own guns?I thought this was a government organization, why is it so unorganized?

She got stabbed in the stomach...she wouldn't die that quickly...why did it end there?...what happened?....also, she threw a piece of glass at someone, and it just conveniently stabbed them just right that they dies? None of this is logical. Why was there no epilogue? What?

message 3: by S M I T E (last edited May 20, 2020 04:10PM) (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, I can answer the last one. She gave me the “honor” of writing the epilogue, but I don’t know what to say! I’m trying to find a way to wrap everything up, but it’s hard when I hate the ending... any ideas?

message 4: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments What do ya mean?

message 5: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ohhhhhh! Haha! XD

message 6: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) and the whole thing with the organization wanting to steal the powers just so they could have them themselves was kinda cliche. If this is a government organization, it would be something bigger. Maybe they want to study the powers. How would they even make a machine to extract the powers? How did they come to know about the powers? the powers. By know, I've forgotten what everyone's powers were, since they didn't seem to have that big of an affect on the people. Lizzie barely had her powers for a day before they got taken away. Why not play with it a bit more?

A good way how to make this story longer is to have some side plots, mini adventures, more dialogue, environment description (most of what what used was sight, but there are other senses, I want to feel like I'm transported to the place, that I'm living in the story) thoughts, personality, flashbacks, history, stuff like that woven into the story to make it feel more 4D.

So many questions were lest unanswered, which is fine if it makes me want a sequel, but these unanswered questions just made me confused, not wanting more.

I want to know little details about each of the characters that make me love them. Is Jonah religious? Is Skylar a big eater? do any of the characters play musical instruments? Who loves cats and who's allergic to them? I want to know their backgrounds.

How do the powers change their lives? That was barely delved into and I wanted to know more. Where did they come from and why who those specific people chosen to wield them? How did the evil organization know about them? How does the absence of powers make the characters feel?

Emotion. Many people died and were betrayed in this story. I want to see the pure and raw souls of each of the characters. It doesn't have to be Hunger Games level of emotion, but maybe Divergent level? I want people to be waking up screaming from nightmares about their family members being burned alive. I want to feel the heartbreak like I'm experiencing it myself. Make me feel the slight crush someone might have on another character, the tension between enemies, the love between friends. I want glimpses of the character stripped of their walls, into the deepest parts of their being. Make me feel emotion.

message 7: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) ʝʊֆȶ ʝօʏʄʊʟ ʝǟʏ wrote: "I just really like Amanda's reveiws, so I Maybe have just been reading all of them and not caring about spoilers... 😓"

ha, those must have been entertaining to listen to, I got very passionate about some of them XD

message 8: by S M I T E (last edited May 20, 2020 04:25PM) (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments So they “say” it’s a government association, but I think my friend was trying to make it like a deserter. We’ll definitely be making that more clear...

message 9: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) yeah, I WANT BACKSTORIES!!!!

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