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Ch. 31 > Reviews

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message 1: by smile (new)

smile is taking a smiley break (smileyfox) | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?

message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) Final stretch, WHOOP!!!!:

"Was something going on between Felicity and Jonah? I turn back to Anneke. “Was there something going on between Felicity and Jonah that I missed?”' Again with the repeating out loud what she just said in her mind, we don't need to hear it again. Also, why does she immediately jump to that conclusion? Jonah could just be sad that they're trapped again.

"“What’s this?” calls Skylar, holding up a weird object. Iris gasps when she sees the wired, metal object in his hand.
“That’s Nigel’s! He told me when he was forced to be a slave, he invented it so he could get out." Um, but what is it? how does it work? what?

Iris is just okay with the fact that no one believed her about Sam, I wouldn't let that go too easily.

'“Find Felicity but be prepared to fight!”' Again with a fighting? What are you going to fight with, huh? Don't prepare to fight a whole bunch of armed men, that's how you get yourself killed!

Wait, there are only four members of the organization? I would think there would be more for such a big project. A team of scientists, a team of engineers, military officers, generals, soldiers, commanders, guards, stuff like that.

Girl, sharp objects aren't gonna help you if they have guns, which they most likely do.

Wait, they don't have guns? Why?

during this entire fight, I don't hear anything except the occasional person talking, I don't smell anything (Come to think of it, I haven't smelled anything this entire book!) I don't even feel anything! How are people reacting to this? Slow this down.

"and it smells moldy" congrats, I think that was the first use of the sense of smell this entire book. I stand corrected.

"She’s lying, dead, on the cold ground." really? how does she look? She might not be dead, yet. Have them go over to check her pulse, anything.

Annecke would probably struggle a bit when they leave, not wanting to leave Felicity behind, wanting to see f there's a small chance she's still alive.

that's all!

message 3: by smile (new)

smile is taking a smiley break (smileyfox) | 129 comments Yay! Thank you so much!

message 4: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) no problem!

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