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Ch. 26 > Reviews

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Sᴍɪʟᴇʏ Fοⅹ | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?


message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) notes:

"Every year I would wish that someone would ask me to go camping. I’ve always loved nature. I smile at the story, sounds like she wasn’t too close to her father, like me." I don't know where the story ends and his thoughts begin, there's no ending quotation.

"What just happened when I was with Lizzie? I was…feeling something. It was like I was really falling for her…that can’t happen! I need to shove those mushy feelings down deep and focus on my mission." This part is extremely predictable, like any other story, except it get's straight to the point. Where's the second-guessing, the mystery?

"Skylar is loud and fun, he’s not afraid to say what’s on his mind." The thing is, I barely remember Skylar speaking at all. During this part, all the characters are finally voiced their personalities, but it doesn't really fit them. f those really are their personalities, show it more, because what I could tell from earlier, they all act the same.

and also, how can Sam already tell so much about the group, he's been with them for less than a day.

When Skylar said that he liked Iris, I totally did not see it coming. I don't recall any parts in the story where they seemed close. They're just...bland.

Why does Iris say they should prepare for battle? No, don't!! That's a horrible plan!!! Just sneak in!!!


Sᴍɪʟᴇʏ Fοⅹ | 129 comments Thanks for all the feedback! I’ll definitely be sending it to her!


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