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Ch. 22 > Reviews

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message 1: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?

message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) yeet the deet:

"I saw her face when she saw him, pale with surprise." I feel like you need to use other words to describe her face. "pale with surprise" doesn't nearly set off enough emotion to go with the other stuff they're saying.

I don't like how everyone is okay with thinking that Iris is the leader of the group. friend groups don't have leaders, it's very lazy.

"'I tried calling your name, but my voice wasn’t loud enough, so I ran and got Jonah.”' It's very weird, I don't know what exactly, but this needs to be rephrased somehow.

that's all for this chapter!

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