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Ch. 8 > Reviews

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message 1: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?


message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) ACK! typed everything out, but I was messing with ctrl buttons, and it got rd of everything!

So,

¨Wait! I can’t! I don’t have powers! Ugg!" Too may exclamation points, and it's spelled ugh.

((it finally tells me some of Iris's backstory!))

Wait, why is Lizzie talking about her past boyfriend? When she said that she knows what it's like to lose your whole family,you would think she would talk about burning her entire house to the ground, possibly murdering her whole family, but instead we get a really sweet, but weirdly placed tale about her love life.

"I got into my bright green jeep. My heart is pounding." It keeps switching tenses. Since this is a backstory, it would all be past-tense. Also, it's strangely detailed.

If his heart stopped, that doesn't necessarily means he died, the doctors can still shock his heart back.

It's a really sweet story, but it's choppy and is told in present-tense, which makes it sound off, along with all the unnecessary details. Also, don't brush off a death like that. Deaths can hurt people in so many ways, and never completely heals over. Lizzie doesn't seem to have any sort of past trauma, which makes her seem...empty. A flat character. They all are, really. I want to get to know each of these characters. I want to delve into the deepest parts of their mind, know what they're afraid of, know where they come from, how they process things, everything. I can barely keep track of there names as it is, I need a reason to differentiate them. Sorry it this was confusing, I just want nice, round characters. Give them contrast. Give them personality. Make me adore some of them, make me feel annoyed with others.

Thanks!


message 3: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Haha! Thank you!


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