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Ch. 5 > Reviews

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message 1: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?


message 2: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) my notes:

"The chair is made from wolf fur." How does the char look? what does the fur look like? I need more description.

The whole first paragraph needs smoothed out. The sentenced are choppy, give me commas.

I feel there should be some show-description (so put the description mixed in with actions) for the character switch.

"I scamper across the room, afraid." I want to understand this character more. Whats the reason he's so afraid? What is he feeling? what are his thoughts?

"I slowly climb up the three sets of stairs to the jail room because I am chubbier and not very great at stamina." Try to rephrase the sentence so it doesn't have the ´because' in it.

How does he know Iris by name? Does he look back on a memory as he sees her?

This whole chapter was really rushed and confusing.


message 3: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Yes, I agree. Thanks!


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