Powerless discussion

9 views
Ch. 4 > Reviews

Comments Showing 1-6 of 6 (6 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

message 1: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so what did you guys think? Any comments / concerns / suggestions / edits / ideas / etc? How can we make it better?


message 2: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Ok, so she never finished talking. That’s all what Iris is saying.


message 3: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) notes:

okay, I was fine with the telepathy conversation, but with the story telling, again with describing characters. Cut it out completely.

project code-named powerless just really bugs me. Shorten it to Project Powerless.

((The rest of Iris' story was really well, some of it just needs work))

Us readers don't need to hear Lizzie recount her dream, we've already heard it.

'“How did they capture you? Was it like that?” asks Iris. “No. It wasn't." That respond doesn't correlate.

((the ending wasn't confusing this time!))


message 4: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Us readers don't need to hear Lizzie recount her dream, we've already heard it.

Ok, funny thing about that. I have a list for her of things to change and that’s at the top! XD


message 5: by Aҽɾιαʅ (new)

Aҽɾιαʅ Dყɳαɱιƈ (fairiefox14) ha, great minds think alike!


message 6: by S M I T E (new)

S M I T E | 129 comments Yep! XD


back to top