writer of a historical fiction

[Jane]

Hello everyone! I'm pretty new at this whole discussion thing and to goodreads as well, but as I am a writer working on her first novel, I though it best to come here where I know there are many avid readers who could help me better my work. The book I'm working on currently is a historical fiction bordering between tragedy and light romance, set in 17th century, Italy. Currently it is roughly 133,000 words, but as I am halfway done with my 3rd edit, more words will be cut down to hopefully being below 120,000.
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If interested, feel free to go to my website/author portfolio → nomadicmoonbooks.com
where you can find a small synopsis of the story.

[Iva]

I do write HF myself so I thought I would give it a try. From what I read of the synopsis, it seems to me that your MS can be cut in half just by deleting all unnecessary words.

Example:

"sold to the demons of fleshly pleasures in a brothel, entering a world of sinister twists and turns, whilst maudlin with love's tireless assuage of impossibility"

My version:
...sold to a brothel, entering a world of sinister twists and turns.

The rest I don't dare to touch because although I know the meaning of each word individually, put together in this way, they don't make sense. Going over a 133K written in that manner is not something I would attempt.

I recommend you to download the ProWritingAid software that will take you to the end of the story sentence by sentence. After the surgery, your MS will be down to perhaps 90K and readable.

[Jane]

Thank you so much for your insight! I'll definitely work on the word count; although I've cut out about 15k so far, I have a lot more to go, but I didn't think twice about my lengthy synopsis, so your advice is refreshing 👍😄

[Hamza]

Hi Jane,

I also write HF, too, and I happen to be working on a similar theme. My novel is about 2 Ouled Nail sisters living in the 1930s colonial Bousaada, an Algerian desert town. The Ouled Nail dancers are like the Geyshas of North Africa. Below is a blurb of my novel.

I would love to swap manuscripts to provide feedback for each other if you are interested. My MS started at 180k, and it is now at 162k. Hoping my 3rd edit will bring it down to the 140ks.

Feel free to email me at koudrihamza@gmail.com if you are interested.

BLURB
--------
"Living in 1930s Bousaada, a Sahara Desert town in colonial Algeria that had come to be known as the City of Joy thanks to the Nailiya dancers who enchanted tourists from the around the world, two sister dancers accidentally kill a French soldier. In an attempt to cover up their crime, Salima and Fahima find themselves involved in much deeper trouble as the French colonel works to get to the bottom of the truth.

Four years earlier, the two Nailiya dancers first arrived to town and, helped by their mother, were introduced into the profession and learned all about the Bousaada culture. They came full of dreams of becoming successful and anticipation for the City of Joy, but, as they soon found out, Bousada is also a city of horrors."

[Jane]

Thank you Hamza for replying! I absolutely love the prompt of your story. It's so cool of you to put the spotlight on such an underestimated culture. From your blurb alone ( although I've yet to read a story like this) I love the depth of the characters and the plot, as I think it's pretty unique to what's out there. Unfortunately I cannot do ms swaps at the moment, as I myself am currently the beta for two novels that are not my own, and anymore would have me overwhelmed. But I am really grateful for your offer and interest. I wish you all the best with your writing endeavors, and hope to see your story on the shelves one day 😄

[Iva]

Hamza wrote: "Hi Jane,

My novel is about 2 Ouled Nail sisters living in the 1930s colonial Bousaada, an Algerian desert town. The Ouled Nail ..."

Hi Hamza! I'm glad that Jane refused because I'm interested in your MS. Your setting and subject are unique and intriguing. I'll contact you.