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Covers, Blurbs, 1st Line, Query > Blurb feedback - Romantic Fantasy

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message 1: by Kota (new)

Kota Jones (kotaj) | 12 comments I would love some thoughts on the blurb for a novel I'm working on. Do I need to tell more? Less? Do you think it is enough to make a reader decide to purchase the book?



Eisel was just a baby when she was rescued from the dangerous nymph river and dumped into the servitude of the royal family of Faeling. A score later, Eisel knows nothing but the strange ways of the fae and the small makeshift family she’s found at the palace. Life wouldn’t be so bad, if not for her own mortality and the constant hatred of the High King’s only son, Prince Lake.

Her goal is to stay out of his way, but when Eisel catches the Prince committing a horrible crime, she becomes entangled in a game of politics and fae bargains.

Thrown into the height of a war between royals, and with a foreign Kingdom encroaching on their door, Eisel discovers the depths she will go to protect the life that she’s found in Faeling, and the family that runs deeper than blood. Even if it means entrusting herself to the man she’s always hated most.


message 2: by Keith (new)

Keith Oxenrider (mitakeet) | 1166 comments First off, you're really not showing any romance, just that tiny little hint at the end. Romance has a lot of tropes and failing to nail those tropes will win you poor reviews. Also, generally your two protagonists need to have enough going for them that the reader roots for them to be together at the end in their HEA and I don't feel you've done anything for Lake to make us want them to be together. And, frankly, the way you've written the blurb, I think I'd resent Eisel if she and Lake wound up together at the end, he sounds like a pig.

Secondarily, backstory (I assume Eisel is an adult when the story starts) should seep in as needed, in a blurb same as in the story. If your story starts with her catching the Prince at a crime, start the blurb there.

Tertiary, fantasy (and scifi) is about world building. Other than throwing out the word 'fae' a few times, we know nothing about your world. We need to learn something about your world to entice us to become readers.


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